Posted on 12/12/2022 1:28:30 PM PST by nickcarraway
The “men are trash” mentality is promoted on social media and in feminist circles and is often seen as a harmless joke, but I can testify that it’s not as harmless as it seems.
“Men are trash” is often marketed to survivors of abuse to cope with their trauma in a humorous way, but it only keeps women from facing their trauma, making it impossible to overcome it. In turning women into victims instead of survivors, the “men are trash” mentality turns them into bitter and man-hating narcissists.
What Is the “Men Are Trash” Mentality?
We’ve probably all heard the phrase “men are trash,” but where did it come from? Vicky Spratt of Refinery 29 looked into the history of the “men are trash” mentality, and she wrote, “In any garden-variety conversation between millennial women who date (or, indeed, don’t date) men, you can almost guarantee that the phrase ‘men are trash’ will come up. It’s an in-joke that women share, a pithy way of expressing the impact that hundreds of interactions with men – personal and professional – have had on them. In recent years, it feels like someone has posted the phrase somewhere on social media every few seconds.”
Spratt continued, “The phrase ‘men are trash’ has taken on a more political role since 2017, in the wake of the global #MeToo movement. As women mourned collectively, it became a show of solidarity, a means of expressing shared frustrations and anger.”
To Spratt’s credit, she makes it clear that “men are trash” is a generalization, but other publications have gone further. An anonymous writer for Feminism In India wrote, “As much as I hate to admit it, it is terrifying to be a woman in a patriarchal world. As the order of contemporary society goes, men are given default dominance over all non-men. This structural power has been abused time and time again as evidenced by the lack of representation of women in everything from Forbes lists to rural classrooms, the painful statistics of sexual violence against women, and even the structural microaggressions that women face as a consequence of their mere existence.”
Don’t get me wrong – I’m well aware of the misogyny women experience across the world and that there are horrible men out there, but in my experience, saying that “men are trash” ignores two important facts.
A Harmful Generalization
After experiencing emotional abuse and sexual assault in my late teens, as well as a slew of f*ck boys in my early twenties, the “men are trash” mentality was appealing to me. I tend to use humor as a coping mechanism, and this seemed like a good way to cope with my past trauma. However, the mentality only worked as a temporary band-aid, and it didn’t take me long to realize that I was more miserable than I was before I adopted it.
The abuse I experienced left me with serious trust and abandonment issues, and thinking that men are trash did nothing in regards to helping me overcome and heal from the very real trauma I experienced. If anything, it only facilitated me sweeping it under the rug, preventing me from doing the healing I needed to move on with my life. Resentment built up in me like poison, and I realized it was doing nothing but hurting me and preventing me from being happy. It made me embrace a victim mentality that made me bitter toward men, even though I knew there were good men out there.
I have plenty of great men in my family and guy friends who have shown me that most men aren’t monsters or trash. Some men can treat other people horribly (just like some women can treat others horribly too). Individuals make their own choices. Acknowledging that there are good men out there doesn’t erase past traumas or the fact that there are also some horrible men.
Letting go of the thought that every guy I meet is going to hurt me was liberating.
Though I’m still a work in progress, dropping this more nuanced and realistic mentality was one of the best things I could’ve done for my mental health and overall well-being. Though I still struggle with trusting others, letting go of the thought that every guy I meet is going to hurt me was liberating. I thought adopting the “men are trash” mentality would free me from my trauma, but all it did was make me miserable, and I’m not the first (or last) woman to fall into the trap of bitter man-hating feminism.
Not Surprisingly, Thinking “Men Are Trash” Makes Us Bitter Man-Haters Misandry (more commonly known as man-hating) and sayings like “men are trash” are often glamorized and romanticized on social media, almost seen as a cute and quirky personality trait instead of a toxic way of thinking. The “men are trash” mentality is nothing more than man-hating feminism repackaged, which has turned many young women off feminism. Instead of gender equality (which is a wonderful goal), many young women now associate feminism with man-hating, as author Cathy Young writes,“A lot of feminist rhetoric today does cross the line from attacks on sexism into attacks on men, with a strong focus on personal behavior: the way they talk, the way they approach relationships, even the way they sit on public transit. Male faults are stated as sweeping condemnations; objecting to such generalizations is taken as a sign of complicity. Meanwhile, similar indictments of women would be considered grossly misogynistic.”
Young continues, “This gender antagonism does nothing to advance the unfinished business of equality. If anything, the fixation on men behaving badly is a distraction from more fundamental issues, such as changes in the workplace to promote work-life balance. What’s more, male-bashing not only sours many men – and quite a few women – on feminism. It often drives them into Internet subcultures where critiques of feminism mix with hostility toward women.”
Some men treat other people horribly, and some men don’t. Individuals make their own choices.
This mentality not only turns us bitter, but also into narcissists. Jessica Crispin, author of Why I’m Not A Feminist, writes, “The easiest way for a group to build its sense of identity is through the rejection or the demeaning of that group’s ‘opposite.’ In order for atheists to present themselves as rational and intelligent, they have to present the religious as superstitious and foolish. This is certainly easier and more effective than consistently being rational and intelligent. In order for America to think of itself as strong and important, it has to think of Europe as being weak and worthless. And in order for women to think of themselves as compassionate, they have to think of men as violent.”
When we see the “men are trash” mentality as a cute and quirky personality trait, we’re essentially romanticizing misandry and narcissism, and when was the last time you met a happy misandrist or happy narcissist? This mentality does nothing but make women unhappy by keeping them from grappling with their negative experiences. If the problem is all men, how can such a massive problem be solved except by destroying masculinity and reshaping it into something feminists perceive as less threatening to women? And until that’s achieved, women supposedly remain as victims, stuck and stagnant. A sense of helplessness – whether based in reality or not – is never healthy. Agency and feeling like you can make a difference in your own life are what make it possible to grow, heal, and be happy.
Closing Thoughts
The “men are trash” mentality may seem fun and harmless on social media, but it doesn’t take long before adopting this mentality becomes destructive. I know because I once fell victim to it and had to learn the hard way to get out of it. We need to stop encouraging women to turn themselves into perpetual and miserable victims and should instead encourage them to cope in ways that will make them both happy and healthy.
First-wave (and many second-wave) feminists fought for equality and suffrage. Sadly though, third-wave feminists like to ignore women's rights abuses around the world to focus on sexual empowerment, man-hating, and bashing women who disagree with them. This sense of self-importance is not only toxic and against the original feminist movement, but it’s turning women into narcissists.
Modern Feminism Suggests That Women Can Do No Wrong
Have you ever heard someone suggest that there would be no more wars if women ruled the world? (I even heard this sentiment echoed from history professors when I was in college.) It’s a ridiculous argument for many reasons, but mainly because it’s historically false. We don’t have to go back too far in history to prove this is incorrect, for former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher is famous for her involvement in the Falklands War in 1982.
Although women are biologically wired to be more agreeable than men, history proves that women can be just as cruel in positions of power. Powerful female leaders in history like Queen Isabella of Castile, Queen Elizabeth I of England, and Wu Zetian of China were infamous for waging war and/or violence. According to the National Bureau of Economics, "Europe’s queens were 27% more likely than its kings to wage war" between 1480 and 1913.
Women can be just as cruel as men in positions of power.
This sentiment that women leaders = no wars stems from the man-hating branch of feminism, which promotes the idea that everything men do is wrong and everything women do is right. For a movement that originally started as a fight for equality with men, we're quickly approaching the time when feminists promote female superiority to men rather than female equality.
It’s not hard to imagine how thinking that women can do no wrong skips right over empowerment and lands in narcissism.
Empowerment or Narcissism?
Author and feminist critic Jessa Crispin argues that modern feminism has become synonymous with man-hating. In her book, Why I Am Not A Feminist, she wrote, “The easiest way for a group to build its sense of identity is through the rejection or the demeaning of that group’s ‘opposite.’ In order for atheists to present themselves as rational and intelligent, they have to present the religious as superstitious and foolish. This is certainly easier and more effective than consistently being rational and intelligent. In order for America to think of itself as strong and important, it has to think of Europe as being weak and worthless. And in order for women to think of themselves as compassionate, they have to think of men as violent.”
Crispin argues that this attitude leads to a sense of grandiose self-importance, making some modern feminists think they’re more important simply because they’re women. This sense of self-importance (and lack of empathy for others) leads to narcissism, as Crispin writes, “It is a failure of empathy to identify yourself only with those who resemble you. That is as narcissistic as working exclusively in your own self-interest.”
I can’t think of a more relevant example for this phenomenon than what Bachelorette fans witnessed during the season 17 finale. Bachelorette Katie Thurston brought her family to meet her final pick, Blake Moynes, and Katie’s aunt, Lindsey, treated him horribly.
I thought Lindsey’s behavior was disgusting, as well as the perfect example of how the notion of being empowered can turn you into a narcissist. Many fans agreed with me (and there are memes to prove it) that Lindsey came across as a bitter man-hater.
Being sarcastic and condescending doesn't make her seem like a strong woman, it makes her seem rude and immature. Strength means protecting those who are weak, not attacking those who are below you.
Emily B of Screen Rant wrote, “When Blake used his own parent’s failed marriage as an example that he has learned from and one that will help him not make similar mistakes in his future marriage, she laughed and mocked him. Based on her rude and outrageous behavior, it seemed like it did not really matter who the guy Katie picked was; she would have verbally attacked any male that Katie brought home because, in her eyes, he just would not be good enough.”
Lindsey would have verbally attacked any male because he just wouldn't be good enough to her.
Unfortunately, some fans thought that Lindsey’s rude behavior was necessary because she made some good points. Though Lindsey is correct that marriage is hard work, she didn’t have to treat Blake like he was a piece of gum stuck on the bottom of her shoe to make her point. A few simple questions about how they would make the relationship work would have sufficed, but Lindsey felt the need to take it too far.
Lindsey also failed to acknowledge the possibility that Katie herself could contribute to problems in their potential relationship. You know the phrase, "Happy wife, happy life"? It may be a cute phrase, but the idea is incredibly toxic. It implies that the woman is always right and that smart men will learn to shut up and take all the responsibility for any perceived wrong, whether or not it's his fault. How can we expect to have good husbands when we constantly treat them like they're always wrong and we as women are always right? This attitude does nothing but make us miserable and prevent us from growing.
We Need Personal Responsibility To Grow
When you’re going through a breakup, it’s easy to blame the guy who broke your heart. It’s much easier to become bitter and angry over the breakup than to take a look at yourself and recognize the possibility that you contributed to the downfall of the relationship too. I’ve been in this situation before, and you can only heal from heartbreak if you recognize that you messed up too. This not only speeds up the healing process but can prevent us from making the same mistakes in future relationships.
The notion that women can do no wrong and that “men are trash” not only turns us into narcissists but prevents us from being happy. A perfect example comes from conservative commentator Tomi Lahren, who posted an Instagram live last year lamenting that "men are trash." She discussed the issues she and her female friends had with dating. She must have thought she would come off as sympathetic or rightfully fed up, but she just came off as a judgmental and mean-spirited. In her eyes, everything wrong with dating is all men's fault, and she and her friends are just perfect women who are suffering the treatment of terrible men. Her rant not only exposed how prevalent this phenomenon is, but that it also affects women who don’t even identify as feminists.
The way forward is to look inward, to see what you might be doing wrong.
What Lahren failed to do in her viral rant was recognize how she could have contributed to the downfall of her past relationships. In response, marriage coach, author, and podcast host Suzanne Venker wrote, “If you and your friends all have the same problem with men, there’s likely something about you and them that repels the kind of men for whom you're looking. It takes a good dose of maturity to look at it this way, but the way forward is not to cast blame. The way forward is to look inward, to see what you might be doing wrong.”
Venker is right. We can only control our own behavior and our own growth – both of which massively impact our happiness.
Closing Thoughts
Modern-day feminism often paints the picture that women can do no wrong and men are always wrong. This is not only misandrist, but it can prevent women from improving their lives by sinking them in narcissism disguised as empowerment. This has turned the fight for gender equality into a toxic movement, and it’s truly sad to watch.
Final Thought: I hate editors who tell writers “Give me 10,000 words on why men are trash.” I also hate the writers who take assignments like that.
Anyone know what “f*ck boys” are?
I’m afraid to google it.
And here all along i thought men were pigs...
Why self-reflect when you have box wine, cats and sex toys?
Men are trash. Women are trashy.
There, that settles it.
Basically the men she slept with outside of a relationship. Think one night stands or casual sex.
Really?
Not in my social circle.
I wonder sometimes if these people live in the same world I do.
The female author wrote too many words, so I didn’t read it...
Oh. Yeah, I asked my wife but she didn’t know.
Men = trash
Cash = trash
Men = Cash?
The first feminist I ever knew used to repeat her mantra “All men are pigs” so frequently I thought she might have Tourette’s. It finally stopped (or at least lessened a lot) when I asked politely
“Is ‘sow’ the correct term for the mother or sister of a pig?”
Things went downhill fast when “family jewels” became “junk.”
‘The “men are trash” mentality is promoted on social media and in feminist circles and is often seen as a harmless joke’
And “Women are receptacles for men to dump their trash in” is also a harmless joke.
You have women who reject the guys who might actually want to have a relationship with them, in favor of more “exciting” and “desirable” bad-boy.
Then act upset when the exciting and desirable bad boy sees no reason to value her, because there is a long line of other women who also want him.
And the corollary to never wrestle with pigs because you’ll just get dirty and the pig likes it.
Not painting with a broad brush here, because there are plenty of exceptions -—
But I have observed a lot of single guys, from young to old, who have friends and hobbies and money in the bank, and plenty of them seem happy with their lives.
And I have observed a lot of single women, from young to old, who despise their friends, have too many cats, drink too much and are just bitter hags who hate the world.
Deciding that the other sex is “trash” isn’t good for anyone. But I think it’s especially foolish for women to feel that way.
Yes yes. Women who are act like trash, are going to attract trashy men. This is not rocket science. It’s not that all men are trash. It’s that all the men you attract are trash. Like you.
The Left seems to revel in placing people at odds with their own biology. Maybe it makes them mentally receptive to the other “trash”.
She chooses these men. Period.
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