Funny Stories that will make you feel like a Genius.

email | 05-23-03 | 4mycountry

[4mycountry]

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.

After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him.

At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

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Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts.

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Recently, a man went to McDonald's and saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. He asked for a half dozen nuggets.

"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.

"You don't?"

"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.

"So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

"That's right."

So the man shook his head and ordered six McNuggets.

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A lady was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind her put her things on the belt close to hers.

She picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between their things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of the items, she picked up the "Divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code, she asked the lady, "Do you know how much this is?", and the lady said to her, "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."

She said "OK" and the woman paid her for the things and left.

The girl had no clue what had just happened.

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A policeman recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

"Do you need some help?" he asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"

“Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" the cop asked.

"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to him.

As he took the key and manually unlocked the door, he replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

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Several years ago, a company had an Intern who was none too swift.

One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

[breakem]

1 more. I frequently hand over "too much" money when I pay. Example if the bill is $17, I may give the person $22 (a twenty and 2 ones) so I can get a five back. Some of them will actually give the two ones back and tell me I gave them too much money. I used to explain it, now I say, enter it in the computer and see what happens. Then I get an oh, you get a five back.

[exDemMom]

So... did any of them subscribe to the service?

[exDemMom]

When I worked for 7-11, they taught all clerks how to make change. I hope they still do, it's been a while since I shopped 7-11. It really irritates me when the clerk enters the amount I give them into the cash register, and then gives me back whatever amount the register shows them. I always stand there and count it (properly) to make sure it's correct.

It's not that difficult to make change. Really.

[ErnBatavia]

the City is constructing a "traffic circle" about a block from that bar now. If it would have been there back then, I would probably still be trying to get home.

We have one of those here...the only one for miles, so nobody is familiar with how to handle them. Shortly after it was put in, the first accident was one of the local cops who made it a "Drive thru".

I just know the city will eventually get sued when one of our oldsters (they abound here...retirement country) has a nasty.

[balrog666]

A couple of short decades ago, when the first (commercial) word processors were starting to show up, a company I was associated with was submitting a proposal to do research for a nuclear facility. They used a word processor for the first time, figuring it out as they went. At the last minute, the manager figured out how to activate the "spell check" option, ran it, and then printed out the proposal, bound it, and delivered it with about two minutes to spare. Too bad. The word "nuclear" was not in the speller dictionary and every single occurrence was changed to "unclear". Arg!

[Oztrich Boy]

Once when I went to the bank to pay my credit card. I made out a withdrawal slip from my deposit account for the amount owing, handed it to the teller with the credit card statement.

Then watched in amazement while the teller physically counted out the withdrawal from her cash drawer, and then immediately counted it back into the drawer.

[El Sordo]

Those remote unlockers really spoil you.

Once after a very long day I got out of my truck, closed the door, and hit the "lock" button. I then proceeded to walk up to the front door of my house with my keys still in hand, pointed the remote at the house door and hit "Unlock".

Felt pretty stupid.

[TaxRelief]

The spell check probably would have kept "nuculear" though. Isn't that what a lot of people say instead of nuclear? LOL

[TaxRelief]

The opposite of "if" is also "since".

[Tunehead54]

Actually the opposite of "IF" I have been informed is "UNLESS".

I am still trying to imagine sample sentences that would prove this. Me, I'll stick with "WHEN" til proven (with two sentences that make sense) otherwise.

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;-)

[Aut Pax Aut Bellum]

My sister (in her thirties then) argued with me once that if I hooked her VCR up to a black and white tv, it would only record broadcast tv programs in black and white.(um, the tv acts as a monitor as the vcr has it's own tuner and the antenna singal goes into the vcr first, then to the tv). She never did believe me.. Yes, she is blonde....

[Stone Mountain]

Actually the opposite of "IF" I have been informed is "UNLESS". I am still trying to imagine sample sentences that would prove this.

Good one - how about:

I will be happy if the Giants win.

I will be happy unless the Giants win.

[Right_Wing_Mole_In_Seattle]

LOL! Very funny AND very sad!

"I don't have any real currency on me, will you accept fiat money?"

[Blood of Tyrants]

I also find it ironic that Andrew Jackson fought the founding of the Federal Reserve tooth and nail yet they put his picture on the $20. Rather than an honor, I believe he would find it an insult.

[Blood of Tyrants]

P.S. I would use the term "fiat money" but few people know the meaning.

[Tunehead54]

Thanks Stone! Paging supercat ... your order of crow is ready!

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;-)

Supercat Quick Access Pass To Meaning Of Life

I'm going to hate myself as soon as I click "post" but if we don't understand the meaning of "IF" then how can we understand what "IS" means?

[shicky]

those stories were just to funny .. where did u find them?

[4mycountry]

Email.