Is There Love after 50?

1.20.03 | self

[Stick a Fork in Me - I am Done]

You know me by another forum name. My life and marriage has fallen apart. I need some Freeper wisdom. Have there been men and women on this web site who have picked up their lives, pulled it together, and moved on after age fifty? I have two young children.

I have worked on the marriage for years. There just isn't any more left in me. Some things just don't fix. I would be grateful to hear other Freeper experience.

[Stick a Fork in Me - I am Done]

Please?

[Yo-Yo]

www.survivinginfidelity.com

[Stick a Fork in Me - I am Done]

Thank you. Infidelity is not an issue here though. In some ways it would be an easier issue to cope with.

[areafiftyone]

Of course there is. Depending on how old your children are - get involved in things. Join clubs or organizations You will meet other people who might even be in the same boat as you. Don't give up on yourself. Marriage is not the only thing on this earth worth living for. You have your kids and your life. Try to look at it as a new beginning. If you need to talk we are here.

[Technogeeb]

Infidelity is not an issue here though

Then don't get divorced. Infidelity is the only legitimate reason (except perhaps physical abuse where your life is at risk) for divorce.

[Stick a Fork in Me - I am Done]

I have been trying to negotiate a separation.

[Stick a Fork in Me - I am Done]

I guess I need to hear this. I feel very old and very tired and not very lovable right now. I haven't been single for a very long time.

[foolscap]

Wow, thank you so much techonogeeb for your sterling example for Christian compassion. I'm sure this person was really in need of your judgment. It is obvious this is a person in pain who is asking a legitimate, heart felt question. I don't recall hearing a request for your judgmental take. It must be wonderful to be so sure of yourself. I'm sure it makes it must more satisfying to kick people when there down. You are a fine example of "Love your neighbor as yourself" Thanks again for sharing your faith.

[Technogeeb]

I have been trying to negotiate a separation.

Instead of a divorce? If so, then good for you. However, for the sake of the kids (you mentioned you had two small children) try not to make it more than a couple of weeks.

Also consider your church. I don't know what religion you are (or even if you have one), but never discount the ability of the Deity who created you to renew your spirit as well as that of your mate. It might take years to do so, but if you never give up it will happen. I have seen a vast number of marriages that "can't be fixed" be fixed; and I've never seen one fail when those in the marriage refuse to give up.

[JMJ333]

Hello old friend. :)

Technically, techno is correct, but in this day and age, things have fallen so completely apart culturally that circumstances are not so black and white. Sometimes nothing a person does can keep a marriage together no matter how hard or what is tried. This doesn't negate the truth that marriage is a bond before God that cannot be broken in His eyes.

I think that certainly there is life after 50, and that a person can be happy, but that happiness comes from peace with God and with oneself.

[Technogeeb]

Wow, thank you so much techonogeeb for your sterling example for Christian compassion

Sometimes people need to hear the truth more than they need false compassion telling them to follow a path of destruction. The simple fact is, short of infidelity or abuse, there is no excuse for divorce.

You are a fine example of "Love your neighbor as yourself"

Yes, I am. Because if I were in the same frame of mind as SAFIMIAD, I would probably need the same reminder. "Love" doesn't just mean kind words and sympathy, and to refuse to tell SAFIMIAD the truth of the matter would be showing an absence of any true concern.

Thanks again for sharing your faith

I did not share my faith; I only shared a fact that SAFIMIAD probably already knew but needed to be reminded of. Those who might inform SAFIMIAD to "do what's best for you" or "do whatever you feel" are the worst of deceivers; and ultimately their advice, if followed, leads to nothing but more suffering.

[Stick a Fork in Me - I am Done]

I am afraid I am at the point of needing a lengthy separation. We have been separated for shorter periods of time. My husband has some severe characer flaws that I have not been able to overcome and accept. I have been trying to work with and negotiate a life with my husband for the past four years, since our marriage, lifestyle and chidlren were first placed in jepordy. I am exhausted and need a break. I forsee that our separateion may become permenent.

You ask good questions. I have been in Godly couneling and in prayer. I am part of a loving group of Christians who have been giving me counsel and guidance and much prayer. We have been in counseling with people who have been committed to helping us put our marriage together. I will remain in counsleing as long as it takes until the marriage is fully dead, a negotiated companionship, or revived.

But after many years of living a life that is alone I am also wondering whether there will be a future for me without my husband.

[foolscap]

Considering you do not know this person or their circumstances you assume a lot. I do not recall having seen any request to discuss the fine points of Christian doctrine. I don't recall Stick me with a fork asking for your approval or disapproval of their situation. Can't you see this person is in pain!! Wouldn't it be better to address that instead of loading them up with a whole bunch of doctrine. I know you think you are sharing the truth but how can you know what the truth is when you do not know this persons circumstances. Is being there for someone who is going through a hard time too much to ask from the religion of compassion?

[Stick a Fork in Me - I am Done]

Sometimes nothing a person does can keep a marriage together no matter how hard or what is tried. This doesn't negate the truth that marriage is a bond before God that cannot be broken in His eyes.


I understand that... I guess I am just trying to figure out different posibilities in my head.

[JMJ333]

I will pray for you. Have you ever hear of St. Monica? She was the mother of St. Augustine. She was Christian from birth, and was given in marriage to a bad-tempered, adulterous pagan named Patricius. For 30 years she prayed constantly for the conversion of her husband. She got it--on his death bed.

She is the patroness of abuse victims, alcoholics, alcoholism, difficult marriages, disappointing children, homemakers, housewives, married women, mothers, victims of adultery, victims of unfaithfulness, victims of verbal abuse, widows, wives...her prayers are powerful before God, and I will petition her for you as well.

Sometimes suffering brings us closer to God, and as hard as it sounds (and it is indeed hard to put into practice) we must buckle down and stay in for the long haul.

Here is a prayer I have:

Exemplary Mother of the great Augustine, you perseveringly pursued your wayward husband not with wild threats but with prayerful cries to heaven. Intercede for all wives in our day so that they may learn to draw their husbands to God. Amen.

God bless--jmj

[Stick a Fork in Me - I am Done]

Thank you for your grace.

[JMJ333]

You're welcome. :)

[Stick a Fork in Me - I am Done]

The tragedy of this for me is that my husband is a professing Christian who led me to the Lord many years ago.

[Technogeeb]

I am afraid I am at the point of needing a lengthy separation. We have been separated for shorter periods of time. My husband has some severe characer flaws that I have not been able to overcome and accept. I have been trying to work with and negotiate a life with my husband for the past four years, since our marriage, lifestyle and chidlren were first placed in jepordy. I am exhausted and need a break

It does sound like you need a break. Do you have any friends or family that can take care of the children? Did you or your husband take care of them in the past separations (if it was you, try and see if the husband can take them this time)? Just don't give up hope, and don't let a separation become an excuse for divorce.

I am part of a loving group of Christians who have been giving me counsel and guidance and much prayer. We have been in counseling with people who have been committed to helping us put our marriage together.

It sounds like you have put in a great deal of effort and are on the right path to resolution. All you have to do to make the marriage succeed is not give up.

I will remain in counsleing as long as it takes until the marriage is fully dead, a negotiated companionship, or revived.

As long as you two don't give up, the first option won't happen. There is no way to tell how long the struggle might take, but if you don't give up hope things will improve.

But after many years of living a life that is alone I am also wondering whether there will be a future for me without my husband.

No doubt there would be, but it simply would not compare to the quality of the life you deserve with your husband and children. From the sound of things, you have struggled with this problem for a very long time, with no apparent improvement in the situation. Even so, don't give up. Usually things look their worst just before miracles happen.

[Stick a Fork in Me - I am Done]

No family available. I will be taking the children on an extended vacation in the spring. I have been waiting for a long time for things to get better and each time that we seem close to fixing it, my husband cannot come through. I am beginning to think that separation is the only way to live with this situaion.