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Freeople Thread 341

Posted on 11/26/2002 8:13:06 PM PST by Mo1

T h r e a d ... 3 4 0



TOPICS: Freeoples; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: freeople; humor; news; politics
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To: Mo1
It tastes like chicken.
21 posted on 11/27/2002 7:32:51 AM PST by catpuppy
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To: sweetliberty
Get on him anyway ... metaphorically speaking, of course.
22 posted on 11/27/2002 7:34:52 AM PST by catpuppy
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To: catpuppy; *FReeople
MORE DARWIN AWARDS

They are finally out again. You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's
an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest
service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last
year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled
over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the
nominees are:

9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.
Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his
house down, killing both him and his sister.

8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died
of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" tall and
weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white
saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a
schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that
had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The
other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube
approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted
into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation.
Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his
family very awkward.

7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.
They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details
before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was
not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the
couch naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR,
she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and
removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the
police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man
had made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they
discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had a habit of
putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between
two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons).
According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one
of the sanders, electrocuting him.

5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near
Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have qualified
for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the driver's attention
had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had started urgently
beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to press the correct
buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle.
Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end
to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was
alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had
assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the
ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The friend no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all
potential sources of ignition: lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.
Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the
lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up
to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter
was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of
causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

1. (***) Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt
Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf
course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix,
Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the
machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the
crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them
solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain,
collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the
height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his
testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link.
Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was
plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the
other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the
housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury,
Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the
pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the
hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

(***) This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't
die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of
stupidity, we have allowed it.
23 posted on 11/27/2002 7:44:58 AM PST by lodwick
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To: catpuppy
Looks like Al isn't for free speech anymore ..

Gore’s TV War: He Lobs Salvo At Fox News

24 posted on 11/27/2002 7:48:22 AM PST by Mo1
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To: Mo1; *FReeople
Freeper carlo3b has some killer receipes here if anyone's still looking for goodies
25 posted on 11/27/2002 7:58:45 AM PST by lodwick
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To: lodwick
So many fine candidates ...
26 posted on 11/27/2002 8:03:42 AM PST by catpuppy
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To: lodwick
Thanks Loddy ... This is one Thread that I should take some notes from

27 posted on 11/27/2002 8:06:04 AM PST by Mo1
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To: Mo1
For now, Mr. Gore can only attempt to explain what motivates the ceaseless lampooning he continues to face from America’s columnists and commentators. "That’s postmodernism," he offered. "It’s the combination of narcissism and nihilism that really defines postmodernism, and that’s another interview for another time, if you’re interested in it.

Uh Al, can we get back to you on that?
(what a dork)

28 posted on 11/27/2002 8:10:49 AM PST by catpuppy
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To: catpuppy
He's more then a dork ... I'm trying to figure out which Al Gore this is ?

I hear his book ain't selling to good .. gee I wonder why

Well Carly is STILL sleeping maybe I'll jump in the shower .. lot's to do for turkey day tomorrow


29 posted on 11/27/2002 8:14:45 AM PST by Mo1
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To: ValerieUSA

30 posted on 11/27/2002 8:29:23 AM PST by Mo1
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To: Mo1
Good Pilgrim photo, Mo. Your daughter looks great.
31 posted on 11/27/2002 8:33:31 AM PST by catpuppy
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To: catpuppy
she is soooooooooooooooo serious that she didn't smile at all during the play

I also couldn't help notice that she is the shortest one in her class .. LOL
32 posted on 11/27/2002 8:35:40 AM PST by Mo1
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To: Mo1
I noticed the preponderance of Pilgrims. A friend's daughter dressed as an Indian for her class Thanksgiving bash. There were about a dozen Indians and one Pilgrim. Do you think it's a Southern Thang?
33 posted on 11/27/2002 8:38:12 AM PST by catpuppy
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To: catpuppy
Well Carly FINALLY woke up .. I guess this means I'll have to listen to her having a melt down while I'm in the shower

I have no idea why she gets so upset .. maybe she thinks I'll melt away or something .. LOL
34 posted on 11/27/2002 8:38:33 AM PST by Mo1
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To: Mo1
I like that picture, Mo -- school day memories...
35 posted on 11/27/2002 8:38:48 AM PST by ValerieUSA
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To: Mo1
SIXTEEN HOURS to cook a turkey? (thaw it, Mo ... thaw it)
36 posted on 11/27/2002 8:40:54 AM PST by catpuppy
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To: catpuppy
sheeeeeeeesh... he really is a dork - and a dumb one at that.
Post modernism... he's just an old wooden post. -Nothing mod about him. Someone should staple lost dog flyers on Al to make him interesting.
37 posted on 11/27/2002 8:42:18 AM PST by ValerieUSA
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To: catpuppy
HEY it was my first turkey .. LOL

I've learned since then .. go to someone else's house

38 posted on 11/27/2002 8:43:30 AM PST by Mo1
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To: catpuppy; ValerieUSA
Fox just reported on that article and how Al kept singling out Fox News as being bias against Dems and making major Media follow in their foot steps

Ummmm I think Fox is gonna have a little fun with this one .. LOL
39 posted on 11/27/2002 8:46:13 AM PST by Mo1
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To: Mo1
Wow... so Al thinks Fox is THE news leader now?
40 posted on 11/27/2002 8:47:48 AM PST by ValerieUSA
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