Prayer Warriors Needed - FReeper desperate

myself | 11/12/02 | Genesis defender

[Genesis defender]

This is my first article posting, so I hope I do this right.

I am desperate. My world as I know it is falling apart. Last Thursday morning my wife told me I have until January 1st to move out. She is kicking me out because of many things, but I will list as many as I can recall.

She has good reason to give me the boot. We have been married for five and a half years, and before we were married I promised her that I would take care of her and support the family so she could stay home. Unfortunately, I have a huge problem with following through on my promises.

For five years I have made similar promises of getting a job, looking for a job, and just doing chores around the house. I tried for a time, but eventually slid back to my typical behavior of procrastinating. I have held various jobs throughout this time, but none were well-paying enough to support a family.

To make things worse, I had an addiction that prevented me from doing constructive things with my time. Please don't laugh when I tell you what I was addicted to. It was video games. I would play at times six to eight hours a day during periods of unemployment.

Two Saturdays ago, my wife first told me she had been thinking of kicking me out, and at that point I did something I should have done years ago. I asked her to come into our computer room, collected all of my computer game CDs (close to 30 in all), and I broke all of them.

I thought that had been enough for the time to prevent me getting kicked out. But I was wrong.

Complicating things is the fact that we have a two and a half year-old son together. I love that little boy a whole bunch, but I haven't provided properly for either him or his mommy like a husband and man should.

I have been an awful human being towards my wife. I have had her hopes up, then dashed so many times. She has told me she likes me as a friend and our son's father, but she says she no longer loves me as a husband.

She has also told me she doesn't know what she wants me to do that would make her love me again.

We are separating, not divorcing (for now). She told me the ONLY reason she has not divorced me is because she is a Christian.

So I am asking for two prayer requests:
First, that the Lord will heal my crumbling marriage by fundamentally changing my habits and healing my wife's broken heart. I have frantically been trying to change, but I want this time to be permanent.
Second, that God would help me find a job to support myself by Jan 1st. I so desperately want to prove to my wife that I can support myself and be a Godly man for once in my life.

[Theo]

Hey there, my friend,

Face-to-face accountability/counsel is just a great thing. I'd recommend finding someone at your church that you trust, and who you and your wife consider pretty wise, and bring your situation to that person (either alone or with your wife). It'll take a whole lot of humility, but it's pretty much necessary. "The Doctrine of Repentance" is a great book to read -- I read it when going through some rough times....

Ted.

[sharktrager]

I'll be praying that you learn appropriate ways to confront someone with their weaknesses, and that, should you ever fail in life, that you are fortunate enough not to be ridiculed unmercifully.

[SwordofTruth]

First, that the Lord will heal my crumbling marriage by fundamentally changing my habits and healing my wife's broken heart. I have frantically been trying to change, but I want this time to be permanent. Second, that God would help me find a job to support myself by Jan 1st. I so desperately want to prove to my wife that I can support myself and be a Godly man for once in my life.

Sounds like it has been crumbling for a while. If you really want to change then prayer is your best option. My prayers for you, and your family are on the way. I would appreciate it, if you prayed for me as well.

[Genesis defender]

We have gone to my pastor, and he recommended a counselor whom I saw today.

[hope]

Well that explains the size of your ego...some people just need to compensate ya know...

[The Grim Freeper]

Dear Genesis defender,

You are making good steps. Do not make them to get your wife back. You may be disappointed. She may have hardened her heart. You just keep on making the right choices. Her choices--you have no control over. You have a 2-1/2 year old that you need to protect. Do you have family that can give you emotional support?

We'll be praying for you, my brother. We have all been guilty of indulging our flesh. Repent (which it seems you have sincerely done). Now, do everything as unto the Lord. Do not despair. Joy comes in the morning.

[Redcloak]

Click here and start going down the lists. This page is from your local chamber of commerce. I noticed that there are at least three advertising agencies in the area. Your degree ought to be applicable in that industry. There are also more than a dozen communications companies and more than a dozen computer companies. And these are just the ones who belong to the chamber of commerce. There are bound to be a lot more than this.

In the mean time, get any job; no matter how little it pays. You need to get out of the house and away from the junk that's distracting you. You need to get back into the rhythm of working. At this time of year, anything retail is a sure bet.

[Burn24]

Whoa, hang on folks - doesn't the Lord help those who help themselves? Getting a job that you like, that will pay you fairly, and that you will grow in (in self-esteem as well as professionalism) is your first job. There are tons of tools out there to help you do this. Stop panicking and go about things logically!

[hope]

Excellent advice, Theo...

Genesis, my prayers are for you and your wife that you both will seek the Lord diligently...

[John Jamieson]

Sorry, this guy has had 5 years to cleanup his act while his wife and kid suffered. He deserved understanding for about 3 months maximum. Personal responsibility is the answer, but he's just looking for pity (if he's for real at all).

[YourAdHere]

You can apply for jobs with the federal government at USAJOBS. Fill in your job criteria, and it will spit out a list of jobs that you qualify for. It is very easy to use. Good luck.

[Skooz]

The Lord helps those who cannot help themselves.

[AEMILIUS PAULUS]

Along with looking for work. Go see your family doctor. Some Freepers have mentioned depression. There are mild meds that can help and they won't interfere with the job hunt. The counseling suggestion is a good idea as well. Keep the faith. Your wife has given you time-which probably means she still loves you. She has just given warning to get you off your A$$. Good luck, God bless and let us hear that in July 2003 you have been promoted-OK?

[hope]

"Whoa, hang on folks - doesn't the Lord help those who help themselves"?

Actually that is a flase doctrine...The Lord will help those who diligently seek Him and sometimes our will needs to be broken before we allow Him to excercise His will in our lives. He knows what's best!God cannot help those who think they don't need it.

[MsLady]

Rock bottom is a good place to be. It means you are ready to look upwards. Sometimes hardknocks are good things, they force us to change and become better. Look to G-d for everything, ask Him for help and He will help you. I'll be praying for you and your family.

[mlmr]

Dear Mrs. Web Personal Advice Columns

Write to her.

Among many others, she has helped many a Freeper.

[GovernmentShrinker]

You sound like you need some professional counseling, and perhaps the counselor would recommend a psychiatrist if you show signs of depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or other conditions which may require medication.

While you're looking for a permanent job, try to find work either as a "temp" or drumming up work as a handyman, if you any such skills at all (painting, minor carpentry, even snow shovelling). You might even try fast food restaurants and chain drugstores -- most have programs that enable low level employees to climb a ladder into store management and beyond, but you may have to start at the fry station or in the stockroom.

Get up early every morning and get dressed for job-hunting or for whatever temporary work you've lined up. Establishing and maintaining a pattern of getting up every morning and heading out to work or at least to actively look for work will help get your head together, bring in at least a little money, and probably impress upon your wife that you're really trying to turn over a new leaf.

Good luck to you.

[John Jamieson]

Not into that, spent most of life raising my two girls and 8 more children concieved by "dad's" like this.

[MsLady]

Amen to that!!!

[Skooz]

Well congratulations on obtaining perfection.