Bump, quick swig and a puff and run.
Bump for later. Headin' out for the evening....
Hi Joe. Sorry I couldn't make it yesterday.
How about a nice irish coffee to start the day. It will go nicely with my pipe.
Here are a couple of jokes for all.
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Inspired by SheLion (Post No. 19)
The sweet young thing awakens in the morning after spending the night with a gorgeous hunk.
She says, "My mother always told me to be a good girl."
Pause.
"Was I?"
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The old man
An old man lived alone in Minnesota.
He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison.
So the old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
Very shortly, the old man received a note from his son admonishing, "Don't dig up that garden... that's where I buried the GUNS AND MONEY!"
At 4am the next morning, a dozen police showed up at the old man's place and dug up the entire garden... without finding any guns or money. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what had happened, and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Now plant your damn potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do at this time."
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The man in a lousy mood.
A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously upset. "What's the matter, buddy?" asks the bartender.
"It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the edge by my fingernails without any clothes on!"
"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.
"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated. When her husband came into the room, he wanted to have sex with her-but he had to piss first. And the lazy son of a bitch pissed out the window right onto my head!"
"Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy mood."
"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really made me mad. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished the husband tossed his condom out the window. And where does it land? On my goddamned forehead!"
"Damn, that really is a drag!"
"Oh, I'm not finished! See, what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!"
"That would sure mess up my day."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!"
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And, in the interests of a complete education, here is an URL that may answer the question:
Would you survive a nuclear blast?
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/bomb/sfeature/mapablast.html
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P.S. And how come there are no comments regarding the pancake and syrup recipies I gave last week?http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/758539/posts?q=1&&page=101 at Post 119
Have a nice weekend. I plan to see the Blue Angels tomorrow!
