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EDS Considers Corporate Relocation to Venus (Reuterrs NewsWire)
Yahoo! EDS ^

Posted on 07/24/2002 3:10:50 AM PDT by operation clinton cleanup

Subject: FW: Relocation

Company: Electronic Data Systems, Inc. Location: Plano, TX Release Date: July 17, 2002, 2:40 PM CST

EDS Considers Corporate Relocation to Venus (Reuterrs NewsWire)

As a way to further reduce expenses, Electronic Data Systems (NYSE: EDS)is considering the relocation of its company headquarters to Venus, the second planet in our solar system. This possible relocation follows on the heels of potential legislation being deliberated in Congress regarding the legality of companies using foreign nations as a tax shelter.

EDS officials, however, have stated that this move is not to reduce EDS tax liability to the U.S. Government, but as a way to improve the productivity of its workers. As part of this wide-reaching plan, all non-executives would be relocated to Venus on September 30, 2002. Reached for comment, EDS CEO Richard H. Brown III stated that after a careful analysis of the planet, Venus seemed like a 'win-win' situation for EDS.

'One of the main reasons we looked to relocate our corporate headquarters was to improve productivity. EDSrs are famous for working 'eagle hours', and we want to take that to a new level. This is where the importance of Venus comes into play. A day on Earth only has 24 hours a day, leaving an EDSr only 8 hours, or a third of their day to devote to EDS, or as we call it 'The Mothership'. On the planet Venus, there are 2,802 hours in a day, increasing the average workday to approximately 934 hours', said Mr. Brown. 'Our company needs this level of productivity to increase stockholder and client value.'

While Mr. Brown intends on transferring employees to Venus, he is not intending on converting their salaries to compensate for the increased workday. 'I see no need to increase salaries,' said Mr. Brown, 'I believe that our employees are dedicated to work hard for my wife, or stockholders, rather.'

Mr. Brown also stated that only non-executives would be transferred to Venus, since the executives are already considered 'productive' in nature. When questioned about Venus' harsh atmosphere (average temperature 1,303 degrees), and overall lack of oxygen, Mr. Brown said that EDS employees had made do with much less in the past, and that they would 'tighten their belt and hold their breath for EDS'.


TOPICS: Astronomy; Business/Economy; Computers/Internet; Conspiracy; Humor
KEYWORDS: eds
Any EDS Freepers?
1 posted on 07/24/2002 3:10:50 AM PDT by operation clinton cleanup
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To: operation clinton cleanup
Men are from Mars, you know.
2 posted on 07/24/2002 6:43:48 AM PDT by ValerieUSA
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To: ValerieUSA
Not Dick Brown (true name!)
3 posted on 07/24/2002 8:52:18 AM PDT by operation clinton cleanup
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To: operation clinton cleanup
I have a feeling their air-conditioning bills are going to a little higher than they expect. ;)
4 posted on 07/25/2002 6:54:50 PM PDT by Brett66
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To: operation clinton cleanup
Would be nice to move a whole bunch of people there: trial lawyers, lefties, envirals, "creative accounting" business executives, terrorists, etc.

The location would be valuable experience, too, for their final destination!

5 posted on 07/28/2002 2:47:25 AM PDT by petuniasevan
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To: operation clinton cleanup
I'm an ex-EDSer.
6 posted on 07/29/2002 12:29:15 AM PDT by altair
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