Who left the dimensional door open? - Thread 017

News Center (Online) ^ | 1/29/02 | Unknown

[acnielsen guy]

THREAD 017

Dregs and Flakes

Posts since 1/29/02 19,717

[palo verde]

rofl you are bad

[lodwick]

Evening Sweetness.

No income tax and no drug war is correct. Let's go back to the Ten commandments, and see how that goes for us. We have a gazillion laws on the books and we all see how very well they're working for us. Yeah, right.

Women top 5 lies: 5. I am a virgin. 4. It is so
big. 3. I can't do that to my best friend. 2. I won't
gain weight after marriage. 1. I am coming! I am
coming!!!

[lodwick]

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss
each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little
horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall
and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?"
Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" he asks grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't"
"I'm begging you ... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister
shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says,
"Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need
be, Mom says she can come down herself and do it.

But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"

[palo verde]

these arizona storms (all wind, no rain) are not helpin' anything
they just stir Happy up
thank God Lulu is so relaxed
Happy can't settle down
Love, Palo

[palo verde]

hi loddy your jokes are funny lol
Love, Palo

[lodwick]

Advice For Young Girlfriend:


Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is
right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much
more responsible, since they're not as emotionally
confused as women. It's a proven fact.

Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.

Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The
important thing to remember is that you must do
whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,
however, he may ask you to do certain things that may
at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.

Q: Why does he leave me, after having his way with me?
A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don't
feel ashamed or embarrassed. After you've finished
making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you
suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf. Or
perhaps another activity, such as going out with his
friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large
amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts
with his buddies. Don't feel left out -- while he's
gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning
the apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an
expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.

Q: What is "afterplay"?
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to
replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a
list of important activities for you to do after
lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette,
making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few
beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out
and buy him an expensive gift.

Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not
quantity, is important, studies show this is simply
not true. The average erect male penis measures about
three inches. Anything longer than that is extremely
rare and if by some chance your lover's sexual organ
is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees
and thank your lucky stars and do everything possible
to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his
apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift.

Q: What about the female orgasm?
A: What about it? There's no such thing. It's a myth.

[andysandmikesmom]

Yikes, Habs is crafty...putting the basset on my belly, so one can see those short stubby chunky basset legs roll on...

Loddy, those jokes are sooo funny...

Palo, sure wish rain would come your way....and for the wind to stop, so Happy could be calm...Lulu, I am sure, cares not whether the wind blows or not, so long as it does not interfere with her eating or sleeping mode...

[lodwick]

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code"
to indicate that they wanted to have sex without
letting their children in on it.
They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter,
"Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a
letter".

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her
mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a
letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the
typewriter."
The child went back to tell her father what mommy
said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell
daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child told her father, returned to her mother and
announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter,
he already wrote the letter by hand."

[Neets]

I can't stay long because I want to sit with my Miss Minnie...not sure how she is really...one minute she is eating and drinking water, and when I put her out she WANTS to chase other doggies who are walking, down her street, but her poor little legs can't move...so I am going to cuddle her in my lap, and see what the evening brings...

but before I go wanted to leave a little someone to get you through the night and through the morning, for those going, a little night light..and for those coming, I have arranged for someone to put on a pot of Neets' famous homebrewed New Yawwwk Cawffee....and remember I love you all...even if all of you aren't here with us tonite.

[lodwick]

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known
as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through
Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below,
one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online
chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of Cybersex.
Then again, maybe he does....

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and
high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect.
My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and
I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Wal-Mart.
I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on
it from dinner. It's smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you! Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on
the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up
into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and
begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.
My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it
off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.
The cool silk slides off my warm skin.
I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hands suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally
rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung:I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra.
My soft breasts are rising and falling,
as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.
I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly...
I'm reaching back undoing the clasp.
The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts.
My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and
inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby.
I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair.
Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered
with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with
the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you.
I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing you hard tool. Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman.
Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take of my panties!

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going
all over, in and out nibbling on you... ummm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat.
I'm choking!

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit! I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly.
I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup.
Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the
cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom.
Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning.
I want you so badly

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately our
naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face.
It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them.
I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly
across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover!

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around
for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush
handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your
laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now,
blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know...thing...
in your... you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I
kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't
stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around,
an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener
is all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting
on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night
table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking
over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse.
Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God!
One of our candles fell on the curtain.
The curtain is on fire!
I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh nooooo!

Sweetheart: Bye!

[andysandmikesmom]

Ah, the sex jokes...what I like, is giving the facts of life to little kids, especially my little boys...


We sat the first one, Mike, down with what we saw as a well
done special by Dr. Lendon Smith, which really did not talk down to kids, talked in correct words, not baby words, yet presented in a format for a child to understand...I guess Mike was about 5yrs old at the time...he watched, and we watched with him...we asked him if he understood what he had watched, and he said, yes, but he was thoroughly disgusted, and cared not to discuss this subject any more...

When Mike was 7, that is when BigDom went back into the army, this time in the active army...so he was gone from us for a year, in school, and such...me and the boys stayed with my parents in Chicago, until BigDom got his permanent orders...one day, in the car, Mike brought up the subject of sex...apparently in the intervening years since his watched the 'disgusting' movie about sex, his curiosty had gotten the better of him...

So he started asking me all about sex...great, I thought, his dad is away, and I have to explain all this myself...Mike asked me, if when we all got back together, was I going to have sex with his dad...I said yes, of course, I love Daddy...Mike then asked if he could watch...he said he had come more interested in this subject, and wished to observe this event take place...he was so serious, it was hard to keep a straight face...I had to tell him that this was a private matter between mommy and daddy, and not something he should be watching, explaining that in time, as he grew he would be able to do it for himself...that answer did seem to satisfy him...

Andy on the other hand, also watched the same Dr. Lendon Smith movie, when he was around five, and like Mike, said he understood, but found the whole idea awful...he never brought it up again...

Then one day, a year or two later, one of our female dogs, got nailed right on our front porch by some studly male dog...they were butt to butt, and naturally stuck together...there was little to do, but wait for it to be over...Andy wandered onto the porch, and observed this, and got worried about his dog...I explained to him what was happening...but he was upset that his female dog could not get away from the male dog, for a little while..

Finally it was over,and the two dogs parted ways...But Andy was still in tears...I assured him that his dog was ok, and that the male dog did not hurt her, that this was sex, and possibly his girl dog would have babies...that made Andy even more upset...

I remember, he went after BigDom, crying and pounding his little boys hands on BigDoms chest...we could not figure ot what was wrong...finally Andy told us, that he thought when mom and dad engaged in that sex thing, like the Dr. told him about, he thought mom and dad had sex just like those dogs, and mommy could not get away from daddy, and what would happen to him(Andy), if mommy was stuck to daddy, when Andy needed her...It was all so funny and drole, but Andy was so serious, ,we had to treat it as such...

Sex, a subject that fascinates, and enthralls us from practically the cradle to the grave...

[habs4ever]

Good luck with Minnie :-)

You look fab in your housecoat too!!

[lodwick]

Please tell the BigGuy that he's got to go to Seattle by himself - you've got to stay on line for your audience!

Such a tremendous story of porch love! And how the kids reacted to it. Thank you so much.

[andysandmikesmom]

Thank you for the candle, so we wont be stumbling around in the dark tonite...

Many prayers and good wishes out to you and yours, for the return to better health for Miss Minnie...

Its a difficult time for you, and just know we are all here for you, and we will gladly listen to you worry, and cry with you when you cry, because of any sadness, with Miss Minnies ordeal...

Saying a little prayer tonite, for Miss Minnie...

[andysandmikesmom]

Ah, thank you for the compliment...BigDom does do a lot of thngs on his own, things I dont care to do...on the other hand, I do things he does not like to do, so I go alone...

But then, we do have our times, when we do things together...this weekend is one of those times...

Besides, I will be back before you even miss me, and I will be collecting information for more stories....

Being in Seattle, with tourists from around the world, I expect, I may have some curious experiences this weekend...I will be sure to report all my findings...

[palo verde]

rofl andysmom you are right
she woke up to have krafts singles
then went back to sleep
she is nonchalant
it has soothing effect on me and Bill and Happy

they are gossiping on that new libertarian forum now
I don't know any of the freepers
and am taking it with grain of salt
I worked so hard on freepathon
and donated money I didnt have
because I believe freepers are lovely people
FR accomplished what it did during dark days of clinton presidency because it had passion for truth
Love, Palo

[palo verde]

hi neets
I just found your post
my prayers for miss minnie too
if she wants to chase dogs down the street that is excellent sign
I love you
thank you for candle and coffee
Palo

[grannie9]

Just checking in to say good night. Watched Blackhawk Down..

Neets.. thanks for the nightlight and coffee.. Good luck honey.. Been there, done that.. It's not easy.. Our thoughts will be with you.. See you tomorrow.. Smoooches..

See you all in the morning..

[andysandmikesmom]

Palo, you worked so very hard on the Freepathon...you were the best little cheerleader ever...you kept that Freepathon thread right at the top, so people would constantly see it...

Lulu, with her Krafty singles, and her snoozing mode, would be soothing...

I dont know where Dizzy is...he likes to disappear from view, and I suspect he is holed up somewhere, just sound asleep...he likes his naps...

[andysandmikesmom]

Goodnite grannie...have a good sleep...