Posted on 05/05/2002 7:33:04 PM PDT by maggie_mirra
I wrote this last August and I just found it again. I think it's funny, but maybe you had to be there.
Guy Criteria (in no particular order)
1.) ambition
2.) good looking (doesn't make you go eeeewww), makes you look again
3.) common sense
4.) street smarts
5.) mechanical abilities
6.) good dancer
7.) not named Chris
8.) mentally stable
9.) financially secure
10.) grasp on reality
11.) experience negotiating
12.) worldly
13.) open-minded
14.) eclectic tastes
15.) tidy
16.) artsy/musical
17.) healthful living style
18.) bigger than me
19.) male
20.) must have passion
21.) must be able to hold his liquor
22.) calm/kind
23.) enthusiastic/supportive
24.) they’ve cut their toenails sometime in the 90’s
25.) they know how to read (books longer than 50 pages)
26.) They have some regard for fashion, no-matter how slight
27.) conversational
28.) real (not fake)
29.) must have drivers license and car
30.) wants a family
31.) cares about being outdoors
32.) must like the water
33.) takes the initiative
34.) the thought of getting married doesn't give them the willies
35.) has good luck
36.) wants to get a dog
37.) knows a little bit about everything and a lot about something
38.) can be a dork with grace
39.) can be cool without cockiness
40.) not a complete klutz
41.) has a hobby
42.) wants to keep in touch even if we are a million miles away
43.) is not a yutz
44.) doesn't mind schlepping stuff around for me once in a while
45.) is not a blow-hard
46.) a real looker (someone that makes you want to look a third time)
47.) has a plan
48.) has less hair than me
49.) is willing to try most things once
50.) doesn't do drugs (except on extremely blue moon occasions)
51.) neck does not resemble turtle
52.) can joke around about any subject (especially themselves), no matter how crass
53.) not a muffin
54.) can name more than two types of cars, and give years
55.) likes cats
56.) doesn't live with mom
57.) responsible
58.) likes to go out, but doesn't NEED to
59.) intelligent
60.) has college degree
61.) isn't a total chauvinistic pig
62.) drinks Budweiser (not a beer snob)
63.) also drinks a microbrew every once in a while (not totally WT)
64.) likes to pester and accepts that I am a pest as well (but not all the time)
65.) acts like a complete freak
66.) acts normal
67.) good at something
68.) can explain himself without confusing the heck out of me
69.) has started saving for retirement already
70.) isn't less than half as poor as me
71.) isn't more than twice as rich as me (who am I kidding)
72.) is incredibly rich
73.) when I think about him, I get butterflies (about something)
74.) I think he's awesome
75.) He thinks I'm awesome
76.) Comforting
77.) In it for the long haul
78.) Cares about the pointless stories I tell
79.) Cares about my friends even if he's never met them
80.) Doesn’t treat me like a complete piece of doo-doo in front of his mom
81.) Stands up for me
82.) Let's me stand up for myself first
83.) Has some stories of his own
84.) Has some ideas about the type of person he wants to become
85.) Feels like he has a lot to offer
86.) Doesn’t have a really poopie self-esteem
87.) Wants to do a better job raising their kids than their parents did for them
88.) Isn't stubborn as a mule
89.) Isn't a pushover
90.) Also has Neil Young as a secret boyfriend
91.) Not a sycophant
92.) Follows along with what I'm trying to say
93.) Knows that if I'm crying and writing in my journal, there's probably something he should ask me about
94.) Doesn't give me flack for buying something everyday
95.) Isn't in a wicked lot of debt
96.) Isn't hopeless
97.) Wants to try (doesn't give up easily)
98.) Knows that life's not fair
99.) Accepts that life's not fair
100.) Wouldn't bother trying to lie to me
101.) Has respect for my wishes and my way of life
102.) Doesn't through tantrums
103.) Doesn't talk falsly about everyone and everything
104.) Is able to cry
105.) Doesn’t scare the socks out of me
106.) Likes cute things
107.) Teaches me, doesn’t belittle me
108.) Believes in vacuuming
109.) Spur of the moment, but not lackadaisical
110.) Decisive
111.) A real go getter
112.) Holds education in high esteem
113.) Would rather go to Denny's than the Monger (not too posh)
114.) Enjoys sitting and doing nothing
115.) Plays chess
116.) Coordinated
117.) Has secrets but not deceitful
118.) Plays pool
119.) Is not so tidy that you can't tell the difference between their bedroom and a hotel room
120.) When you look under their bed, there isn't a little dustman waving back at you.
121.) Picks up after themselves
122.) Doesn't make such a big mess in the kitchen that I'd rather cook (that's gotta be pretty bad)
123.) Is able to breath silently through nose
124.) Knows what language they speak in Israel
125.) Doesn't think that all of Christianity and everyone who practices it is complete idiocy
126.) If I call them a Stingy …-bag, they know I'm kidding
127.) Remembers some holidays, hopefully my birthday, Christmas and Easter
128.) Doesn't hate everyone in their family.
129.) Let's me choose
130.) Doesn't look like they have no clue, or are in a daze all the time.
131.) Remembers if they took a shower in the last two days
132.) Thinks
133.) Doesn’t care if I'm pudgy
134.) Doesn't freak out if they find out what I used to do/be
135.) Handles being angry without making me and everyone around us pee their pants
136.) Isn't nearly as sensitive as me, but knows that I am as I am
137.) Does nice things for other people
138.) Knows where they're headed in this crazy space-time continuum that we're all hurtling through.
139.) Has their own theories about the universe.
140.) Is willing to make a complete ass of themselves.
141.) Doesn't need constant attention and patting on the back
142.) Doesn’t encourage me to eat ice cream and fries when he knows I am weak over that stuff.
143.) Doesn't tell me to go on the pill so we can do it without condoms
144.) Doesn't pull their wife-beater down to their thighs. Eeeewwww
145.) Likes jack and coke once in a while
146.) Isn't a complete bigot
147.) When I see him out with his friends, he acknowledges my presence.
148.) Doesn't get mad if I have breath de dragonia, because there ain't nothin' I can do about it.
149.) Is not spoiled
150.) Follows through with what they say
151.) More food ends up in their mouth than on their shirt
Still only acceptable if you're drunk.
Just for the record, you were joking about this one, right?
Some of the things on the list directly contradict themselves meaning that the guy she is looking for has to be schizophrenic.
Short? I didn't see the size thing on the list.
thank goodness for this, or maggie might be after xshub!
You must be so relieved as I didn't see anything about being single and not have kids on that list.
Well those are good starters, I'd add female to the list but that's just me.
Detects bad spelling but does not call undue attention to your errors.
Pass:
53.) not a muffin
55.) likes cats
56.) doesn't live with mom
60.) has college degree
65.) acts like a complete freak
67.) good at something
69.) has started saving for retirement already
85.) Feels like he has a lot to offer
87.) Wants to do a better job raising their kids than their parents did for them
91.) Not a sycophant
95.) Isn't in a wicked lot of debt
97.) Wants to try (doesn't give up easily)
98.) Knows that life's not fair
99.) Accepts that life's not fair
104.) Is able to cry
114.) Enjoys sitting and doing nothing
115.) Plays chess
119.) Is not so tidy that you can't tell the difference between their bedroom and a hotel room
120.) When you look under their bed, there isn't a little dustman waving back at you.
124.) Knows what language they speak in Israel
130.) Doesn't look like they have no clue, or are in a daze all the time.
131.) Remembers if they took a shower in the last two days
139.) Has their own theories about the universe.
132.) Thinks
150.) Follows through with what they say
151.) More food ends up in their mouth than on their shirt (usually, spaghetti excepted)
Fail
5.) mechanical abilities
6.) good dancer
15.) tidy
26.) They have some regard for fashion, no-matter how slight
36.) wants to get a dog
40.) not a complete klutz
46.) a real looker (someone that makes you want to look a third time)
62.) drinks Budweiser (not a beer snob)
63.) also drinks a microbrew every once in a while (not totally WT)
66.) acts normal
72.) is incredibly rich
73.) when I think about him, I get butterflies (about something)
78.) Cares about the pointless stories I tell
86.) Doesn’t have a really poopie self-esteem
90.) Also has Neil Young as a secret boyfriend
121.) Picks up after themselves
133.) Doesn’t care if I'm pudgy
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