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Posted on 04/18/2002 7:51:34 AM PDT by Texaggie79
Due to many requests, we are posting the Daily Bizarre news thread again. The reason it was halted is because of the lack of participation by FReepers. Some threads didn't even make it past 50 posts. So we will do a trial run to see how things go.
Now back to humor......
Four hours; they deserve medals for that. I remember those days of having youthful stamina.
BECAUSE I'M A GUY...
Because I'm a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.
Because I'm a guy, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
Because I'm a guy, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.
Because I'm a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
Because I'm a guy, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
Because I'm a guy, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart -- despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a guy, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger -- how the heck could HE know where we're going?
Because I'm a guy, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.
Because I'm a guy, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay, I don't need to see it. Did you remember to pick up something for my mom, too?
Because I'm a guy, I am capable of announcing, "one more beer and I really have to go," and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. What's the connection?
Because I'm a guy, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm a guy, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.
Because I'm a guy, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a guy, and this is, after all, the new millennium, I will share equally in the housework. You do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning and the dishes. I'll do the rest.
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This is so slanderous.
Maybe they could make tacos out of them!
Sorry, he died in the 80's. Didn't you watch SNL?
I beat the truth out of him in time to spit it out!! Blech!!
;-}
And in other news, it seems there's more to Green Bay than football:
A museum in Wisconsin is preparing to open an exhibition charting the history of the toilet and toilet paper. Privy To The Past: Inside America's Most Private Room has a replica of a sponge ancient Romans used to share.
Green Bay's Neville Museum spokeswoman Marilyn Stasiak says the area is: "The toilet paper capital of the world."
The exhibition tells visitors about how corn cobs, leaves and newspaper came before modern-day toilet paper. It also shows how toilet paper used to have splinters in it. Ms Stasiak told Ananova: "That would've been very painful." She added: "We're expecting all kinds of jokes about the exhibition."
Green Bay's Northern Paper Mill is credited with creating modern toilet paper in 1902 but it wasn't until 1935 that toilet paper was advertised as "splinter-free." The exhibition, which opens on April 27, is sponsored by Georgia Pacific, makers of Quilted Northern Bath Tissue. source.
The Associated Press
SANTA ANA, Calif. -- The lawyers who represented Miami-Dade County resident O.J. Simpson in his child custody battle are suing him for more than $200,000 in bills they say he never paid.
The suit claims Simpson failed to pay $204,275 to the firm of Meserve, Mumper and Hughes. It seeks that amount plus 10 percent interest.
Simpson's attorney, Yale Galanter, said he was unaware of the action, which was filed March 25 in Orange County Superior Court and obtained Wednesday by The Associated Press.
Simpson retained the firm to seek custody of his two minor children after he was acquitted of murder charges and released from jail in 1995. He had been held without bail from the time of his arrest until his acquittal.
"Simpson breached the contract and agreement by making payments for a period of time and then ceased to make payments," the lawsuit said.
Galanter said the dispute would be resolved.
"Having been made aware of the lawsuit through the press, we intend to investigate the claims of the law firm and we will certainly get to the bottom of the mistake," he said Wednesday. "We will make sure they get paid for the work that they've done."
A Los Angeles County Superior Court jury acquitted Simpson of killing his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman. A civil jury later held the former football star liable for the killings and ordered him to pay the victims' survivors $33.5 million.
His ex-wife's parents, Louis and Juditha Brown, were guardians of his children while Simpson was on trial.
In 1996, a judge granted Simpson's petition to terminate the Browns' guardianship and gave him custody. The Browns appealed and a settlement was later reached giving the Browns visitation.
Simpson and his youngest children moved to Florida in 2000.
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