Thanks for the bump, I'm going to learn how to do that someday.
Posted on 03/19/2002 5:09:46 PM PST by farmfriend
Subject: I'm no Martha Stewart
Date: Mon, 18 Mar 2002 22:33:41 -0600
Martha's Way #1:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.
Martha's Way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Women's Way:
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's Way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Women's Way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
Martha's Way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."
The Real Women's Way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.
Martha's Way #5:
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
The Real Women's Way:
Celery? Never heard of the stuff.
Martha's Way #6:
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Real Women's Way:
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I just don't do it.
Martha's Way #7:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
The Real Women's Way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, YOU'RE NOW BLIND!
Martha's Way #9:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
The Real Women's Way:
Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.
And finally the most important tip
Martha's Way #10:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
The Real Women's Way:
Leftover wine??????
The Real Women's Way: Leftover wine??????
Thought you'd like this one.
Can't wait to read the replies - they're usually even better than the original post!
Thanks for the bump, I'm going to learn how to do that someday.
by Erma Bombeck
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner, even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love yous".. more "I'm sorrys"... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it... Live it... and never give it back.
Don't forget to stop and smell the roses today! Take time to tell a loved one how much you love them, do something nice for yourself, and stop to give God thanks for all of it.
Finally, I get to send my brother some redneck humor he hasn't found first. Thanks!
Thanks, Kayak, for the fun ping.
Hey where was my ping! *L* I'm more James Stewart than Martha! *L*
That was not the intention.
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