Posted on 12/17/2025 11:42:37 AM PST by Navy Patriot
PROVIDENCE, RI — Leadership at Brown University, frustrated with the lack of progress in tracking the shooter who killed two students and injured many more on December 13, has reportedly recruited Police Chief Clancy Wiggum of Springfield to assist in the case.
"Two deaths and nine injuries — sounds like the work of rowdy teens!" Wiggum said in a press conference as he laid out his progress on the case. "I talked with the FBI profiler, and she said it was some lone nut, but that's nuts."
Chief Wiggum has been busy since arriving in Rhode Island just days ago. He's revisited the crime scene and traced the FBI's steps to check for anything they may have missed. He even re-examined the seemingly random patch of snow federal agents were famously photographed inspecting. "Snow is a blank canvas for crime, but like all modern art, it has to be interpreted," Wiggum said. "Unfortunately, the FBI has some terrible art critics. They wouldn't know a Picasso from a footprint."
To ensure no stone was left unturned, Wiggum ordered all snow in the vicinity of the university bagged for evidence. Sergeant Lou and Officer Eddie were brought in from Springfield to assist in sifting through it to rule out the involvement of any magical snowmen.
"Nobody suspects the snowman," Wiggum said, "They say he's got a jolly soul, but deep down he's got an ice-cold heart. Isn't that right, Lou?"
At publishing time, sources confirmed Chief Wiggum successfully tracked down an individual linked to the shooting. "Bake him away, toys!" he ordered his officers.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Kato Kalien is living proof Gilligan boinked Mary Ann
Total DEI hire. See the press conference? White people were telling him what to say and when he stumbled a big white guy jumped in to “clarify”.
Police Chief Clancy Wiggum of Springfield-—what do we know about him?
Will Clancy be any better than Providence Police Chief Col. Oscar Perez Jr who apparently is a DEI hire from Columbia who can barely speak English?
Think about what the job of the President of a university is.
Here is a good article on it:
https://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/articles/what-does-a-college-president-do
“typical responsibilities include fundraising for the school, ensuring the budget is balanced and being the outward facing leader, voice and representative of the institution.”
The first and a critical item is fundraising.
That means maintaining a positive public image.
A shooting on campus is a disaster for any university’s public image.
The President’s job is to make it go away from the public eye as fast as possible.
A shooter that escapes or dies before a trial helps that.
A long ugly trial hurts it.
I'm thinking that queer Palestinian has already fled the country.
Where is a Patriarca when you need one?
Like the east Harlem nun cross carving case early 80s
One of the African American perps ran to Chicago and turned himself in to escape I think Tony Salernos wrath
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