Posted on 08/29/2025 12:12:32 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
SACRAMENTO, CA — Gavin Newsom's poll numbers have skyrocketed after he recently announced that he will be anti-crime until the next election.
"We all know how much I love crime, but I've decided to temporarily reverse that stance and start prosecuting crime," said Newsom in a statement. "It turns out people don't like crime."
"Please rest assured, I will go right back to ignoring crime as soon as I'm elected," insisted Newsom. "I'm not a MAGA fascist, after all."
Sources say police departments in the state are already responding to the Governor's new initiative by arresting violent criminals who need to be arrested. "Wow, this is great! I've always wanted to know what it felt like to be a real cop who arrests bad guys," said one cop who's been with a cop for 10 years. "Thanks, Gavin!"
"In California, crime doesn't pay," said Newsom, sporting a cool new orange hairdo and makeup. "Gee, I sound pretty tough, huh? Vote for me!"
At publishing time, Newsom was forced to end the crackdown as there was no more room in the prisons.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
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The safety of Californians is a much lower priority than his own political power.
Every single California county voted to Make Crime Illegal Again with Prop 36.
But Gavin Newsom won’t fund it—because protecting criminals is a higher priority to him than listening to voters.
Californians are begging you: Please just do your job, Gavin.
bttt
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