Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back. {Women wondering about the lack of real men}

New York times ^ | 20yh June 2025 | Rachel Drucker

[Cronos]

We have moved into an era where many men no longer seek women to impress other men or to connect across difference. They perform elsewhere. Alone. They’ve filtered us out.

I recently experienced a flicker of possibility. With James. We met on Raya, the dating app. There was something mutual from the start — wordplay, emotional precision, a tone that felt attuned. It was brief, but it caught light. I remember saying to him, “Even fleeting connections matter, when they’re mutual and lit from the inside.” I meant it.

There was just enough spark to wonder what might unfold. Enough curiosity to imagine a doorway. But he didn’t step through it. Not with a plan. Not with presence. He hovered — flirting, retreating, offering warmth but no direction.

Sexual tension and a spark aren’t reason enough to sit still and hope there’s substance behind the shimmer. So I named what I felt. I texted him clearly, with care, not simply to declare attraction but to extend a real invitation to explore what was possible. I didn’t chase. I invited, leaving the door open. If he ever wanted to cross the threshold — not just to take, but to meet — I was willing. I wanted. I still do.

He never replied. He still follows my Instagram stories — one of those small gestures of passive engagement that so many of us now mistake for closeness. It looks like interest. It feels like silence.

There are thousands of Jameses. I have known dozens. The arc varies, but the undertow is familiar.

...here’s what’s real: We never needed you to be perfect. We needed you to be with us. Not above. Not muted. Not masked. Just with.

[PeterPrinciple]

I find most answers in an ancient book of wisdom.

I will let you do your own research of the original source..

“There are five things the world fears. One of them is a bitter woman who finally gets a husband.”

[MinorityRepublican]

Two groups with a higher percentage of birth defects due to genetic isolation.

True. But with the way the things are going, I'll imagine that we'll see some Americans convert to Orthodox Judaism and Old Faith Amish. That'll take care of the interbreeeding.

[T.B. Yoits]

Re: Post 161 "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" by Paula Cole

That song was release in 1997. Rachel Drucker is way late to write 'Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back".

The marketers at Faberge even ran a "Men Are Back" campaign for Brut cologne in 1993 after the androgyny campaigns of the 1970s and 1980s exposed what korporations thought of men.

[alexander_busek]

The Pill (and other forms of hormonal contraception) is partly to blame.

But the rise of LBJ's welfare state in the 1960s shares the blame.

You talk about the Pill having absolved women of the negative consequences of sleeping around, since it allowed them to avoid pregnancy - but today, 69% of all Black babies are born out of wedlock. Meaning: Despite the fact that contraception (and abortion) are now widely available, millions of women are nonetheless choosing to be unwed mothers.

Regards,

[MinorityRepublican]

It was caused by politicians, infecting a culture at the behest of the globalist cohorts. Feminism is a tool of Communists, and Communists are determined to destroy cultures.

Which is why we are seeing the Communists allied with the radical Islamists.

They are trying to destroy the West.

[MinorityRepublican]

millions of women are nonetheless choosing to be unwed mothers.

So who's paying for it? The state.

[cgbg]

Thanks for confirming my earlier post on this topic—most women do not get it.

The dating market for 54 year old women is brutal—just ask around.

[T.B. Yoits]

Feminism did not create the system, pandering men did. Feminism and bad women exploited it, no argument there, but pandering men who can't think beyond their next roll in the hay created it and keep it going.

"Pandering" men who can't think beyond their next roll in the hay have been around since the beginning of man. They didn't create this. Communists did, through the tool of Feminist ideology, and women embraced it.

[alternatives?]

Ecclesiastes.

[T.B. Yoits]

This predates The Pill and LBJ's welfare state.

The creation of Fed and the Income Tax put the government under control of globalists who detest the family. It's not a coincidence that Women's Suffrage and Prohibition followed shortly after. These globalists want wage and tax slaves and used women, under the guise of "rights", to attack the family.

[Enterprise]

YMMV

[FLT-bird]

What about when men hit the wall and are no longer young? It amuses me that men actually believe that women lose our worth at a certain age, whilst men are always desirable. False!!

Did I say always? No, I did not. Of course men reach a point when most women would not consider a relationship with them due to their age even if they are accomplished and/or wealthy.....though there does seem to be a sliding scale. Wealthier older men have pretty much always been able to get attractive younger women if they are wealthy enough.

The truth is that women in general don't care about a man's age nearly as much as men care about a woman's age. That makes sense when you consider fertility. Most men have live ammo until they die. As for the difference in preference...it is what it is. Most men don't care how short a woman is nor do they care if she never went to college and doesn't earn much money whereas women generally care about these things a lot with men.

No need to tell me any personal anecdote about how you and your friends are different. I used words like "generally" for a reason.

[alexander_busek]

What about when men hit the wall and are no longer young? It amuses me that men actually believe that women lose our worth at a certain age, whilst men are always desirable. False!!

"Objection, Your Honor! Counsel is presenting facts not in evidence!"

A woman at 35 is entering "geriatric pregnancy"-territory. Even if the man she seeks doesn't care about her waning fertility - her physical make-up (= outward appearance) simply cries "declining years." What man would voluntarily renounce the lost 15 years that she has squandered on other men?

Men instinctively recognize this. Through millions of years of evolution, we have been designed to find women of that... vintage... less desirable.

Men, in the past, who didn't find wrinkly skin, flabby arms, sagging butts, etc. unattractive were selected out of the gene pool. They were thus unable to pass their peculiar predilections on to future generations.

Women are BEAUTY objects. Men are SUCCESS objects.

At 35, a man is finally "coming into his own" re. confidence, financial stability, career fortunes, etc. And he can still produce hundreds of millions of sperm per day. Nature has designed women to find those earmarks attractive. That's why greying temples aren't a turn-off (unless the modern feminist "Sistahood" succeeds in pushing their twisted narrative). That's why, for all of recorded Human History, marriages between nubile young women and staid, successful, older men represented the ideal.

Regards,

[aquila48]

“but today, 69% of all Black babies are born out of wedlock. Meaning: Despite the fact that contraception (and abortion) are now widely available, millions of women are nonetheless choosing to be unwed mothers.”

That’s because we pay them for every spawn they have that they can’t support.

It’s a source of income for them.

[alexander_busek]

This predates The Pill and LBJ's welfare state.

Skyrocketing illegitimacy rates do NOT predate the Pill and LBJ's welfare state.

During the height of the Jim Crow era, Black families were intact - and illegitimacy rates LOWER than for Whites today.

You may be able to point to some pernicious ideologies that were already in existence in the early 20th century, were slowly gaining momentum, and that - MUCH LATER - bore noxious fruit / turbo-charged the problem, but the American family was intact until about 1960.

Whatever major factors contributed to its decline MUST have manifested later.

Regards,

[alexander_busek]

"Pandering" men who can't think beyond their next roll in the hay have been around since the beginning of man.

You're forgetting, before the Pill, simps a.k.a. "pandering" men received no sexual favors for toeing the feminist line / lie.

And we normal men would also keep them in line - with a little "roughing-up," if need be. We didn't allow them to spew their venomous propaganda.

Regards,

[Don W]

You look like a fool if you a very much older than she is.

That sounds like something a 55+ woman would say...

[Don W]

You and I could be twins, FRiend.

We’re in the same age cohort, and I too gave up on dating a while ago myself after a tumultuous ending, then discovering just how entitled and unrealistic so many women’s expectations are.

I’d rather play with my cars and motorbikes. They’re at least honest.

[ChildOfThe60s]

Women do not “lose their worth” at a certain age, but they do lose their “marketabilty”. Not the same thing.

As for men, I suspect that it is not a matter of thinking we are “desireable” at any age, it is more that, unlike many women, we cease to care if we are. At the least we don’t base our sense of self worth on whether or not we are desired by women.

Generalizations aside, there is no question that leftist feminism over the last 5 decades has had a serious negative effect on male / female relations. At least in certain age demograhics.

[Albion Wilde]