Posted on 06/10/2025 12:20:40 PM PDT by Red Badger
If you think your pool floats are safe in your backyard this summer, think again. I don’t know what the odds are that they'll be stolen by a guy who wants to have sex with them, but there is a chance of that taking place.
That's especially true if you live in Florida near 41-year-old Christopher Monnin, who has had several pool-float theft-related incidents over the years. His last arrest was in 2019 when he was found storing about 75 pool floats in a vacant house. He pleaded guilty this week on the eve of his criminal trial that was scheduled to start on Monday.
Christopher Monnin mugshot. (Credit: Palm Bay Police Department)
The collection of the pool floats had been months in the making. According to a police report of the 2019 incident, "In the past 7 months, the city of Palm Bay has been plagued with burglaries in which the suspect cuts the screen or otherwise enters a victim's back pool deck area and steals only pool floats."
Who needs 75 pool floats? This Florida man evidently. Monnin admitted using them to sexually gratify himself. He was facing the possibility of prison time before pleading guilty to theft and burglary charges.
A judge handed down a two-year "community control" sentence, according to The Smoking Gun. It's an intensive form of probation that is comparable to house arrest. After that he'll be placed on eight more years of standard probation.
The Florida man has a history of getting busted with other peoples' pool floats Monnin, who spent eight months in county jail before he was released on bond, was also fined $840. The 2019 arrest took place after a Palm Bay officer spotted him riding a bike at 1:30 am while carrying a "white garbage bag full of what he identified as deflated pool floats."
There were several reports of stolen pool floats in the Palm Bay area at the time, and he became the prime suspect. Monnin reportedly admitted to swiping the floats and showed officers the vacant house across the street from his own residence where he stored them.
They found about 75 pool floats of varying shapes and sizes. He wasn’t picky. He reportedly told the police he "sexually gratifies himself with the floats and does this instead of raping women."
The 2019 arrest wasn’t his first time being busted for the theft of pool floats. Monnin has prior convictions of burglary, theft, loitering and prowling, and violating probation, according to The Smoking Gun.
His prior burglary convictions, in 2007 and 2008, also involved stealing pool floats. He was found in 2017 loitering and prowling with an inflatable raft in the basket of his bike.
Wow. That's quite the career of pool floats-related crime. Best of luck to him, and hopefully he's able to start purchasing his own pool floats.
When he goes to trial, it’ll be his word against the pool floats’ word.
Boy if THAT isn’t the line of the day, LOL!
Did he have sex with The Noodle?
Where we live, bicyclists attach pool noodles perpendicularly behind their seats so they stick out a couple of feet on each side.
Makes them feel safer.
I think it looks kinda faggy.
According to the police he apparently took the Frank’s Red Hot slogan literally and had eaten feces before he was arrested…..
Trying to find the news article - I’ll post it if I find it.
Thanks, but they still don’t look very sexy to me.
I must be one of the dreaded normal people.
Since this is Florida, I’m surprised and disappointed he didn’t try to grab an alligator pool float only to find it’s not a toy gator.
I don't want to know... I'm sorry I clicked on this link, now bye and GL.
I wish he’d just settle down with one, maybe marry it. Have some little pylons.
Noodles might make it easier to pry them from the wheel wells of a 1/2 ton truck.
OH! thanks, that does sound right
which leaves the floating sea horse toy available for the next frustrated old guy
/s
That’s a point
Just what the Dems are looking for - run him for Congress!!
Crazy eyes!
>>”sexually gratifies himself with the floats and does this instead of raping women.”<<
And the women are VERY thankful for his consideration!
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