Posted on 01/10/2025 7:05:25 PM PST by Navy Patriot
SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom neatly addressed California's wildfire problem earlier today by announcing that fire will finally be outlawed in California.
The measure will prohibit fire in any and all forms including pilot lights for gas-lit stoves, home fireplaces, and gargantuan wildfires. Sources say that the ban could even expand to include the fire emoji at some point in the future.
"After doing some research on this problem, it occurred to me that all these wildfires have one thing in common: fire," Newsom said to reporters.
"In order to better protect the people of California from fire damage and potentially carcinogenic exposure to wildfire smoke, I will be outlawing all fire in California, effective today," Newsom told reporters. "Quit banging those rocks together, Gary — and I see you with that magnifying glass, Phyllis. No more lighters, people. From here on out, no one in California will be allowed to do anything as dangerous to public safety as making fire. Problem solved."
The move has met significant opposition from marijuana lobby groups, who put up enough of a fuss that Newsom quickly allowed a provision stating that Californians can make fire as long as it's for doing drugs. An additional amendment has been proposed to protect the rights of Antifa members to ignite city-wide race riots.
At publishing time, the mayor of LA had declared the city a sanctuary city for any outlawed wildfires that felt discriminated against by the new ban.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Governor Newsom and Mayor Bass are quite a team:
<><>Newsom sent Trump’s plan to bring water to southern California to the courts.
<><>tax funds for California citizens’s emergencies was taking up space in the budget
<><>so Newsom gave it to illegal immigrants.
<><>Newsom and world-renowned traveler Mayor Bass had a great idea
<><>lots of “surplus firefighting equipment” was just laying around
<><>Newsom and Bass donated it to Ukraine.
Oops. The water, the tax money and the fire equipment are all gone.
But the wind returned and joined forces with the wildfire.
The rest is ashes of 10,000 homes destroyed.
It won’t be as easy as all that. In order to make fire illegal in California taxes will have to be increased and state officials will have to endure a substantial salary raise. It’s the only way...
You realize that the Sacramento newspaper is also called The Bee?
Newsome: We know fire is bad cuz it’s orange like Trump.
Seems Newsom is always one dollar short and a day late.
But not the Babylon Bee, which is a much better publication.
But setting fires won't be.
No, the Sacramento sheet of used toilet tissue featuring the Associated Presstitutes and Rooters Sewer Service, is not a Newspaper.
However, he IS a Gay Bugger about it!
As of now Democrat Pets can set all the fires they want.
The obvious culprit is Oxygen. Without Oxygen fire can’t even start. Oxygen needs to be banned! /s
Oh, don’t forget to pass the Global Warming Tax on wild fires! Maybe able to balance that state budget!
Also the Modesto Bee and the Fresno Bee.
Ban on all high capacity butane lighters: they're killers.
I figured he’d burn down the rest of the state to be equitable and inclusive, and put everyone on an even playing field. Very Democrat-ic.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.