FBI were known for suits.
Posted on 12/03/2024 6:09:16 PM PST by bitt
Kash Patel is now the presumptive head of the FBI and he's planning on some big changes. Here are just a few of the most incredible.
Here are 10 drastic changes coming to the bureau:
All FBI agents must go back to wearing trenchcoats, carrying snub-nose revolvers, and saying "see?" after every statement: Presentation matters, see?
Cancel all current plans to assassinate Donald Trump: But cool trenchcoats first.
All of Melania's underwear recovered during the Mar A Lago raid must be returned: They've had it long enough.
From now on, all agents must submit a written request before grooming a mass shooter: Finally, a return to common sense MKUltra policies.
X-Files to be reopened: Agents therein now report directly to the president.
New Applicants must weigh under 400 pounds: This is a step in the right direction for fitness requirements.
The Chief Officer of Quadrapalegic Black Lesbian Representation will be fired: No severance package.
Remove all 850 wiretaps at Mar-a-Lago: It's a waste of resources since Trump publicly shares everything anyway.
Agents are now required to arrest pedophiles: This is a new, cutting-edge idea in criminal justice.
No more work retreats at Epstein Island: Kash Patel is such a party pooper.
It really looks like Kash Patel will get the bureau back in shape. What other changes are you hoping he brings to the bureau? Let us know in the comments below.
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No more staring at snipers who are aiming at a presidential candidate for several seconds before shooting the sniper.
I don’t know if those were FBI guys. Just sayin...
I like the trench coat idea.
Love the Bee.
🐝
An addition to their list: FBI agents should try going to church instead of spying on churches.
Philly pastor Gino Jennings, known for his strong condemnation of the perv lifestyles, (and has received death threats for it), is sure he has baptized FIB agents, that have tried to discreetly fit in with the congregation.
Another idea is the FBI release all correspondence between Whitey Bulger and UFO space critters in their role of the JFK assassination on orders from Republican LBJ to distract us from watching FDR’s fireside chats on the telly that Walter Kronkite interrupted to announce my son, Beau, died while protecting Mrs. Bill Stevenson from sniper fire in Bosnia. Stevenson was a good man, God bless him and Jill. (typed in my best Biden voice)
They need to wear self leveling shoes for roof slopes of 2-12 incline.
"From now on, all agents must submit a written request before grooming a mass shooter: Finally, a return to common sense MKUltra policies.""Agents are now required to arrest pedophiles: This is a new, cutting-edge idea in criminal justice."
Are we sure the Babylon Bee is only satire?
"It really looks like Kash Patel will get the bureau back in shape."🙏
I dont know if you’re joking or not because it sounds like a good idea to me :)
FBI were known for suits.
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