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Justice Department Assures Americans Diddy Is Securely Locked Away In Epstein's Old Cell
The Bee ^ | September 24, 2024 | Staff

Posted on 09/24/2024 10:46:52 AM PDT by Navy Patriot

NEW YORK — A representative from the U.S. Department of Justice assured the American public that music mogul-turned-sex trafficking suspect Sean "Diddy" Combs had been securely locked away in Jeffrey Epstein's old prison cell.

"There's nothing to worry about," said Attorney General Merrick Garland. "We've placed Mr. Combs in a very... special cell."

Diddy was reportedly transferred from his cell in Brooklyn's Metropolitan Detention Center to the same cell Jeffrey Epstein occupied at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in New York City earlier this week so that prison officials could keep a closer eye on him.

"It's a far more secure cell," said Steve Waylon, the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York. "No one's coming out of there alive."

Epstein has been the subject of conspiracy theories ever since he famously killed himself in 2019 just as two cameras positioned outside his cell malfunctioned. Prison officials stated confidently that they've learned from their mistakes.

"We removed the malfunctioning cameras," Warden Jessie Jeeves explained. "And we got rid of the prison guards, too. That way no one can accuse us of killing him."

When asked to clarify what updated CCTV cameras may have replaced the existing system, the warden simply said, "Yes."

At publishing time, Diddy had reportedly been taken off of suicide watch so he could have some alone time.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Education; History
KEYWORDS: babylonbee
Will History Repeat?
1 posted on 09/24/2024 10:46:52 AM PDT by Navy Patriot
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To: Navy Patriot

Did they fix the cameras in the jail?


2 posted on 09/24/2024 10:50:45 AM PDT by Colt1851Navy (What was wrong with Nixon?)
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To: Navy Patriot

ouch


3 posted on 09/24/2024 10:51:55 AM PDT by WeaslesRippedMyFlesh (there will come a day when FR rejects articles from the NYT, et al. as "Commie trash, no thank you"e)
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To: Navy Patriot

It stopped Epstein from committing suicide!


4 posted on 09/24/2024 10:53:59 AM PDT by MtnClimber (For photos of scenery and wildlife, click on my screen name for my FR home page. More photos added.)
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To: Colt1851Navy
Did they fix the cameras in the jail?

Yes, now they only show Netflix movies without commercials!

5 posted on 09/24/2024 11:01:27 AM PDT by Navy Patriot (Celebrate Decivilization)
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To: MtnClimber

Tru, dat!


6 posted on 09/24/2024 11:01:59 AM PDT by Navy Patriot (Celebrate Decivilization)
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To: Navy Patriot

All is well. 😆


7 posted on 09/24/2024 11:11:17 AM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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To: Navy Patriot

DDKH (Diddy didn’t kill himself)


8 posted on 09/24/2024 11:38:09 AM PDT by 6ppc (During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act -George Orwell)
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To: Navy Patriot

He is as dead as old dreams.


9 posted on 09/24/2024 2:04:02 PM PDT by Jimmy Valentine (DemocRATS - when they speak, they lie; when they are silent, they are stealing the American Dreams)
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