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Secret Service Beefs Up Trump’s Security With Squad Of Blind Midgets
The Bee ^ | July 15, 2024 | Staff

Posted on 07/15/2024 9:52:51 AM PDT by Navy Patriot

According to sources, the United States Secret Service plans to beef up Trump's security team with a squad of blind midgets.

"I have personally vetted these seeing-impaired persons of limited stature and certify them ready for deployment," Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle said in a statement.

Republican leadership questioned the effectiveness of these new agents but the agency dismissed their concerns as bigoted. "They asked why they were so short and also why they kept bumping into things, and that's just not acceptable," Direct Cheatle said. "They are as devoted to their duty as they are physically handicapped."

"I can think of no one better to protect President Trump than this loveable group of misfits. We call the smallest one Pepper."

The Department of Homeland Security, which oversees the Secret Service, confirmed the recruitment. Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas called them "adorable" and "real go-getters."

"These agents are as tough as any 7' tall man. Tougher even," Secretary Mayorkas said. "They still have to pass the same tests as a normal agent, albeit with the benefit of a handicap in their favor. We don't make them hop over walls or climb stairs, for example. That would just be mean."

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Education; History
KEYWORDS: babylonbee
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To: Daveinyork
How long do you think it will take for the democrats to turn this into a gun control issue?

The DUmmies at the DUmpster Underground are already beating that drum.

21 posted on 07/15/2024 11:06:20 AM PDT by metmom (He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus…)
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To: gundog

Usually they end those stories with a little somewhat non-related throwaway joke.

They missed the chance with this one to have an anonymous member of the SS bemoan the horrible effect these hirings will have on their inter-agency basketball league prospects.


22 posted on 07/15/2024 11:41:35 AM PDT by John Milner (Marching for Peace is like breathing for food.)
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To: Navy Patriot
"Secret Service Beefs Up Trump’s Security With Squad Of Blind Midgets"

Robert reich and chris coons?
23 posted on 07/15/2024 12:23:20 PM PDT by clearcarbon (Fraudulent elections have consequences.)
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To: Daveinyork

“ How long do you think it will take for the democrats to turn this into a gun control issue?”

You are right.
Surprised they haven’t yet.


24 posted on 07/15/2024 12:25:39 PM PDT by HereInTheHeartland (Have you seen Joe Biden's picture on a milk carton?)
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To: metmom

The DUmmies are exactly why the rest of us need to own guns!


25 posted on 07/15/2024 12:30:16 PM PDT by cgbg ("Our democracy" = Their Kleptocracy)
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To: cgbg

Yes. They are completely unhinged.


26 posted on 07/15/2024 12:38:00 PM PDT by metmom (He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus…)
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