Posted on 07/15/2024 9:52:51 AM PDT by Navy Patriot
According to sources, the United States Secret Service plans to beef up Trump's security team with a squad of blind midgets.
"I have personally vetted these seeing-impaired persons of limited stature and certify them ready for deployment," Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle said in a statement.
Republican leadership questioned the effectiveness of these new agents but the agency dismissed their concerns as bigoted. "They asked why they were so short and also why they kept bumping into things, and that's just not acceptable," Direct Cheatle said. "They are as devoted to their duty as they are physically handicapped."
"I can think of no one better to protect President Trump than this loveable group of misfits. We call the smallest one Pepper."
The Department of Homeland Security, which oversees the Secret Service, confirmed the recruitment. Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas called them "adorable" and "real go-getters."
"These agents are as tough as any 7' tall man. Tougher even," Secretary Mayorkas said. "They still have to pass the same tests as a normal agent, albeit with the benefit of a handicap in their favor. We don't make them hop over walls or climb stairs, for example. That would just be mean."
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
The DUmmies at the DUmpster Underground are already beating that drum.
Usually they end those stories with a little somewhat non-related throwaway joke.
They missed the chance with this one to have an anonymous member of the SS bemoan the horrible effect these hirings will have on their inter-agency basketball league prospects.
“ How long do you think it will take for the democrats to turn this into a gun control issue?”
You are right.
Surprised they haven’t yet.
The DUmmies are exactly why the rest of us need to own guns!
Yes. They are completely unhinged.
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