Posted on 06/27/2024 9:56:00 AM PDT by Navy Patriot
ATLANTA, GA — In a shocking turn of events, CNN revealed that presidential candidate Donald Trump tested positive for Diet Coke in a drug test administered before tonight's debate against Joe Biden.
The doctor CNN hired to run tests on Trump and Biden revealed that Trump's Blood Coca-Cola Content (BCCC) levels were hovering around 0.10%, an indication that the former president had probably ingested somewhere in the neighborhood of 3.5 liters of Diet Coke in the 24 hours leading up to the test.
"This amount of Diet Coke would kill an average person," said Dr. James Klug. "The first warning sign was that he was highly alert, completely in control of himself, and very, very sharp-witted. We're talking, super feisty here. He must have rattled off at least forty-five different nicknames for President Biden just while we were with him to provide a sample. We ran the test, and sure enough, Mr. Trump's levels of Diet Coke were higher than a kite. It's shocking to see the lengths to which these candidates will go to obtain an edge."
CNN published an article detailing Trump's alleged Diet Coke addiction and demanded that he wear a placard reading "[Diet] Coke Addict" during the debate. The Trump campaign protested this demand and requested that CNN just replace the bottle of water on Trump's podium with a bottle of Diet Coke instead.
At publishing time, CNN decided to call everything even after President Biden tested positive for a far less-legal type of coke.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
I didn’t know cocaine came in a diet variety.
Wasn’t there cocaine in Coca-Cola when it first started to be marketed in the late 19th century? That was the reason for the first part of the name.
He'd have to pee so bad he couldn't think straight.....
lol...good one...
Wiki has a nice history
LOL
I hear there was traces of a big mac too..
I knew it!
Effin addict...
Now, I’m going to store to grab a Diet Coke...
Merrick Garland will announce another special prosecutor to investigate.
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