Posted on 06/08/2024 4:07:32 PM PDT by Drew68
It's early, so all the precincts haven't reported yet, but the early returns of the gayest Star Wars ever ain't great.
And by that, I mean Star Wars: The Acolyte is tracking to be – by FAR – the most hated of the entire franchise. That's right. Worse than Last Jedi. Worse than Solo. Worse than Attack of the Clones.
According to Rotten Tomatoes, through two episodes, the newest Disney+ series – which made waves earlier this week when it was deemed the gayest Star Wars yet during an interview with creator Leslye Headland – has an abysmal 31% approval rating from the audience.
Shockingly – not really at all – it's sitting at a staggering 91% from the critics, which is so on brand it hurts.
The very obvious message? Fans don't want woke crap shoved down their throats. Progressive critics, however, LOVE it.
I mean, duh. Come on. Anyone with half a brain saw this coming from a mile away.
Disney execs are just so dumb. Honestly, it's stunning how stupid they are. George Lucas handed them the keys to arguably the most successful movie franchise ever a decade ago, and all they've done since is piss it all away.
Will that 31% rating go up as more episodes are released? Maybe. I have no clue. I heard rumors the third episode will have something about pronouns in it, though, so that'll probably help!
PS: no, that's not a joke. It actually does. Seriously.
Anyway, as for the actual score … it's easily the worst, so far, of the entire franchise. The next lowest? The Last Jedi, which sits at a measly 41%. I hated that movie so much, so I think even that's way too high. What a disgrace.
After that, you have Attack of the Clones at 56%, and Phantom Menace at 59%. That last one is stupid, if you ask me. Phantom Menace was good, especially the final 30 minutes. Honestly, it's better than New Hope.
There. I said it.
By the way, Rise of Skywalker is currently sitting at an inexplicable 86% audience approval. I mean, what are we doing? That movie needs to be sent to the sun.
Here's a list of the full rankings, for those who want to see the rundown.
As for Acolyte, the dummies over at Disney deserve all of this. Every single bit of it. They're woke and they absolutely refuse to listen to the fans.
Nobody and I mean nobody was asking for the "gayest Star Wars yet." Not even gay people! But you gave it to us, and we hate it.
Oh well.
Advance word has it that the third episode features two Jedi lesbians using the Force to conceive a child.
Redneck Jedi’s won’t like this!!
You May be a Redneck Jedi if…
You’ve ever said, “May the force be with y’all.”
Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer-colored.
Even though you had to kill him, you thought Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
In your opinion, that Darth Vader feller “just ain’t right.”
Jawas come to you for used parts.
Last Christmas you bought a friend a hanging air freshener for his X-Wing.
Parts of a TIE fighter you once blew up hang in your living room as trophies.
People mistake your house for a Jawa, used droids, and speeder parts dealership.
Stealing Imperial shuttles is a family outing.
The doors of your X-wing are welded shut and so you climb in through the window.
The front of your landspeeder has bantha horns.
The smell of ham or bacon reminds you of Jabba’s Gamorean guards.
You can describe the taste of Ewok.
You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not The Force.
You consider a peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
You ever fell in love with your sister.
You find no grammatical errors or syntax problems with the way Yoda talks.
You have at least one droid held together with baling wire and/or duct tape.
You have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to repair your landspeeder.
You have ever used The Force in conjunction with a bowling or spitting contest.
You have ever used The Force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.
You have the words “Foxy Lady” painted on your landspeeder.
You have your droid pipe Box Car Willie into your X-Wing on long flights.
You inherited a Styrofoam cooler and a tackle box along with your light saber.
You know that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
You never read the entire Jedi manual because it didn’t have pictures.
You own a pink flamingo with blaster holes in it.
You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
You think Han Solo would look better in a flannel than that sissy vest.
You think that Jabba the Hutt really knows how to pick up good-looking chicks.
You think that people who buy new droids is uppity.
You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really tough sheets.
You use the “O” on stop signs to sight in your new blaster.
You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.
You wished that Admiral Ackbar was swimming in the pond on your farm back home.
You wore burlap even before you started your Jedi training.
You’re flying a ship with no original parts.
You’ve ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader’s evil empire as “them damn Yankees.”
You’ve ever asked an Ewok to go coon hunting with you.
You’ve ever attended an Alliance medal ceremony in flip-flops and a robe.
You’ve ever fantasized about Princess Leah in Daisy Duke shorts.
You’ve ever looked at your sister, thought she was one hot babe, and kissed her.
You’ve ever said, “I’m fixin’ ta git dat bounty hunter.”
You’ve ever used a storm trooper helmet as a spittoon.
You’ve ever used The Force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
You’ve ever used The Force to give someone a wedgie.
You’ve ever used your R-2 unit’s self-defense electroshock thingy to light your barbecue grill.
You’ve got a stuffed womp rat from Begger’s Canyon on your mantle.
You’ve moved from planet to planet to avoid Imperial storm troopers.
Your beer belly shames Jabba the Hutt.
Your best practical joke was sticking a banana in Boba Fett’s tail pipe.
Your cousin bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son. Come on over to the dark side! It’ll be a hoot.”
Your favorite bar caters primarily to smugglers and bounty hunters.
Your favorite meals on Dagoba incorporate native snakes.
Your initiation into the Rebellion required parallel parking the Millennium Falcon.
Your Jedi master ever said “My finger you will pull.... hmmmmmm?”
Your landspeeder has a blaster rack in the back.
Your landspeeder is painted with a Confederate flag.
Your wedding cake was sliced with a light saber.
Your X-Wing’s cockpit has fuzzy dice.
You’ve been on a blind date arranged through an invitation written on a cantina napkin.
You’ve called the Emperor “That old ugly dude in the house coat.”
You’ve had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
You’ve had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingie to light your barbecue grill.
You’ve used your light saber to clean your teeth, clean fish, or open a beer bottle.
You’ve lost a hand in a light-saber fight because you had to spit.
The longer this goes on, the more it seems like CGI was the death of movie-making. Who knew that Roger Rabbit would be the high point?
” two Jedi lesbians “
Might watch if they’re both lipsticks. None of the Hutt family.
Put a chick in it, and make her gay.
Hahaha I am stealing that! I am not a huge Star Wars fan, but I did enjoy the first and second one when they came out.
Reading that list made me think of the opening of the movie “Idiocracy”!
For me New Hope and Empire were like Godfather I and II. You could make arguments both are the best. Jedi was like as you said Beneath the Planet of the Apes. The best part was the acting of Ian Mac Diarmid. He along with Christopher Lee were the only good parts on the new trilogy
The Last Jedi which is about the last time I was in a theatre was for me the last straw. Haven’t watched any star wars since I’m glad I’m out of the fan loop now. The thought of even subscribing to Disney+ or any of the streaming services nowadays is anathema to me.
Same.
Anyhow, the new showrunner has made it clear that this Star Wars is not made for Star Wars fans.
That is bad news on several fronts. The fact that it's almost a third id unbelievable. It should be in single digits hovering at the bottom of those single digits.
I remember when this used to be a joke.
Now it's the standard formula for all movies and TV.
The individuals seeing to the release of this idiotic content are truly effed in the head regardless of wicked intent or not.
After the first movie where in the end Darth Vader is hurling off into space with his damaged wing fighter - off into space where the movie ends. Period. No prequels, no SW 2, ect. Done. Finished. Now how many SW’s have been made?
They actually took Cartman’s advice.
There are forces (no pun intended) that will artificially prop up ratings on any woke product. Many do so knowing that it will piss off conservatives.
After the first “Star Wars”, the 2nd best entry in the series was “Spaceballs”. Too bad Mel Brooks stopped after just one; there is so much material in the Lucas/Disney stuff for him to work his magic on.
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