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It was like this. 5 kids in my family and I was the one my father didn't get along with, got the ruff treatment. I was certainly not the favorite.. When I was 33 I became a Christian and I new I had to forgive . So I thought I did. One night I had a bad dream where I was severely beating my father. I realized God was showing me I had rage in my heart for him for how he treated me. I decided to write him a letter and told him that I did not hold anything against him and I also told him that I loved him, which is something we never said in our family. He wrote back and said that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to him. I realized later he also had a very hard life in Norway in the 30's, he was also rejected . So God softened my heart and also his. I decided to forgive even though I was the one receiving the harsh treatment. So God opened my eyes. You see I also had a problem with one of my boys and I found out I was doing the same to him even though I did not like what my father did. Now my son is having the same problem with his son. So now I have to make him understand what is happening. It is a generational spiritual curse that needs to be broken by forgiveness.
So we really don't understand that curses have power and consequences, even casual ones. When I was 5 and getting a severe whipping that wasn't ending, I said I was going to hate my father in my mind. After that I started having anger and impulsive rage issues which I did not get rid of until I was in my 40's when God revealed the source of it to me.
When God was telling us we must forgive it wasn't a request, it is for our own good and so that we can restore our relationships. With God all things are possible.
norsky, what a beautiful story.
So much between parents and children, siblings, that is so complicated. I hope your son, and therefore his son, will come to the peace that you achieved. I’ve experienced the same kind of reunion with two family members as well...my younger brother and my niece.
My younger brother and I were brought together when our youngest brother tragically died. A little conversation, similar to your letter, brought us back on track and we’re quite close now, even though he lives miles away. Sadly, I missed my two nephews growing up, and the cousins do no know each other. A price paid for leaving this too long.
Similar circumstances with my niece (by in-law). All it took was a little honest dialogue, and now we enjoy our back and forth online (she’s in Vegas). She’s finally coming up to visit next month.
Speaking the truth, in love, and always having a heart open to forgive is the way to live. Right what is wrong, make apologies when required, and enjoy family and friends again.
A very good friend of mine, a pastor, would say of that "That'll preach!".
A sermon about grace, right there.
Thank you for sharing, as this will be helpful to someone.
When you don't forgive someone and hold something in anger, over time, you become exactly like the person you hate. That is because you are so focussed on the hurt and pain they caused you, you internalize it.
I learned this as well. Something was done to me, and there was no question the other person was wrong. But you see, I had "righteous anger". In a way, I needed that to cope, but over time, it became destructive to me. I had to let it go, and only the power of God enabled me to do so, and allowed me to actually forgive the other person. And do it to their face. Then the burden lifted, and I was not carrying it around anymore.
I had to personally live out my faith to "forgive those who trespass against us" in the same way Jesus forgave me.
We cannot control the actions of others when we forgive--we may be rejected.
But that does not matter. They are the ones who have to deal with it now.
norsky, thank you.
Thanks for posting your story and thank you for being the kind of person you are.
norsky, thank you for telling me your story.
I too had a father who was not a nice person. Even with all he did to me I never hated him, nor did I distance myself from him.
In reading your life story it appears to me you left/abandoned your father, so eventually to make admends, you were the one to forgive.
In the case of my brother, I don’t hate him, but because he is the one who said he didn’t want anything to do with me I take him at his word. I won’t break that boundry he set until he apologizes and says he didn’t mean it.
He abandoned the whole family for 13yrs one time. It was me who located him and got us back together. I don’t expect an out and out apology from him as I know he is not the type of person who would do that. All he would have to do is e-mail me or call on the phone and just talk about things in our lives. The only thing he has done since, is e-mail me the link to the copy of Trumps indictment. IMO the only reason for him to do that is to rub it in further.
Once again thanks for your response.
Wow, thanks for sharing that story norsky.