If I may humbly add my own thoughts, I would suggest you pick up a copy of CS Lewis' books, "The Problem of Pain," and, "A Greif Observed."
The first was written in 1940 and Lewis took his stab at the age old question of how an all loving and omnipotent God can permit pain and suffering. It approaches the subject from a pretty academic, logical angle.
The second was compiled from notes Lewis made after the death of the love of his life aas he dealt with the emotional gut punch that came with it and his struggle to personally handle the grief and angst.
The two books really helped me through a rough spot in my life, I think, because they analyzed the matter from without and within...kind of like reading two books about the sea, one by an oceanographer and the other by a shipwreck survivor...although in this case, the author is both.
I can’t imagine your pain - perhaps using your wife’s name when remembering her would be helpful..
I can’t know what you’re experiencing. I’ve tried to imagine what I would do. I’m not a pet person so personally, I would never get an animal. I think I would join a tour group and travel with other people. Maybe start with small trips - like New England in the fall to see the leaves. Then travel to Europe with a tour group. Maybe go on a cruise with a group.
I know there are some good travel companies who arrange everything. I’ll bet you’d meet some nice people and have some great experiences.
Another idea, maybe get an RV and travel to see family that you haven’t seen in years (cousins, siblings, etc). The nice thing about an RV is you wouldn’t have to put people out when you visit. You could spend time with them as you wish, then retire to your RV to sleep.
Anyway, I think the idea is to get out of your house.
Do you have any hobbies? Join a line dancing group, or a hiking club.
Loneliness can cripple you, if you let it. I hope you find a way through this and feel better soon.
Job 19:25
“For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth:”
As a member of the DBHS Class of ‘60, I generally attend the monthly First Friday lunches. Most present of the 15 or so are women, many of whom are widows. Most live alone and are very lonely. First Friday is an opportunity to go somewhere and to talk with someone.
I do not suggest a romantic involvement but to recognize that there are a lot of lonely old women out there who might enjoy some companionship. The old women frequently ask for help with some problem with something that doesn’t work. I try to help if I can. They after all, are friends. Sadly, they are also targets of unscrupulous young men that make exhorbiant charges for solving very small problems.
My wife and I attend First Friday also. We have been married for nearly 59 years and are both in good health. We enjoy the lunches and the conversation.
So, find a place where old ladies gather and go visit and make or maybe remake friends.
It’s very difficult and there’s no quick fix. Holidays are the hardest. Just grieve at your own pace-everyone grieves differently. Keeping busy and socializing is therapeutic even if you’re not in the mood.
Look for a local church that is offering this program-it’s excellent.
Most communities have support groups.
God bless you. Sounds like you’re surrounded by a loving family.
God.
You live for God. That’s your purpose.
Time doesn’t heal wounds, Love does, and since people are slow to love others without getting something, it takes a long time to love enough for healing.
Love your family and neighbor and God.
The hole is ok, it means you loved her. The hole will heal around the edges like the holes in Christ’s risen hands.
Get busy loving neighbors God crosses your path with. Little wsys, deliver food, pick up for doctor’s appointments, fix a sink, figure their bills.
My wife passed September 2019, so I can understand what you’re going through. Lean on any friends, family, and yes, even pets, to get through the tough times.
The pain does ease in time. I lost my husband 12 years ago and still think of him every day. He was retired U.S. Air Force, and a well-traveled and intelligent man. I often wish we could once again share opinions on current events.
The other freepers are correct, it helps to have a pet to love, and for companionship. Spend time with your kids and find activities you enjoy to keep you busy.
Sending prayers for comfort. There is no set time or instruction manual on grief, and we each do this our own way.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s been 4 years now since I lost my wife of 38 years.
You’ve got to give yourself time to recover from the tragedy. The pain will never fully go away, but over time it will lessen. I have a picture of my wife in my bedroom. Every time I pass by it I tell her I love her and miss her.
If you have family and friends, don’t hesitate to confide your feelings to them. All were very supportive to me, although I did have one somewhat emotionally-stunted friend who tried his best to comfort me - he said “You’ll get over it!” Ah well, he tried.
You don’t get over it, you learn to cope with it. Hope this helps.
I can’t even fathom your loss. I am so sorry.
The pain will remain, but perhaps throwing yourself into community activities and/or adopting a pet could help you not focus all the time on your sorrow.
May God ease your sorrow.
Pain at its loss is the price we pay for earthly love. The pain you are feeling is a testament to how deep your love and interdependence ran. It is a good fortune to love so deeply. Those who have done so also run the risk of dying second; howevr long it takes, eventually concluding it was worth the pain.
A century ago, before the world wars, middle and upper class people observed strict etiquette about dying. People expected the bereaved widow or widower to be in mourning for six months to a year, during which time others treated them with greater care. Social events such as weddings or parties were postponed so that the mourner would not be expected to rejoice while they were suffering so a great loss. Women wore black and men wore black armbands so that others would know not to mess with them.
No one scolded them to “get on with your life” as people callously do today. Rushing into another relationship was frowned upon, as were the onrushers who tried to take advantage of the lonely widow or widower’s vulnerable feelings. People had the time to grieve and put their thoughts in order. Less so than today.
Treat yourself with care. Take the time you need to grieve so great a companionship. Do not expect to “get over it”; the best you can do is to get through it. Call on the Lord to help you every step of the way. No one but Him knows all your thoughts, lost joys and present sorrows. He will carry you through.
Sir, that was a most moving post and I’m very sorry for your loss. I have no advice, only that God visibly shows His love to you. God bless.
I am so sorry, Vigilanteman. I don’t have any advice except to tell you that, believe it or not, it will get easier. I know that’s trite.
But I can offer my sincere condolences and prayers sent Heavenward for your comfort, strength and healing.
She is in a much better place now and my friend can rest knowing that he did all he could to ease her life this past year.
January 1, 2023 will be the second anniversary of the death of my wife after a 12 year struggle with Picks’ dementia. We were married 47 years. I will spend the day remembering my quiet, compassionate Christian wife. I came to understand the “ In sickness and health till death do us part” portion of the wedding vows. I miss her every day but I know that since she was a Christian that she is in a much better place and that I have the opportunity to see her again. I will pray for you that the Holy Spirit will comfort you in the time of your grief.
My father died about 1-1/2 years ago. My mother goes to a group grief counselling session 2 days a week. She is a regular at church, and is surrounded by family. She still struggles daily, but we all are truly assured that my dad is in heaven.
1 day at a time. Get in a group with fellow widows and widowers, and pray.
Vigilanteman, I’m so sorry for your loss. Honestly, in time the pain still comes in waves. Learn to ride the waves. Whatever works, do it. Don’t judge yourself for working if that passes the time and numbs the pain. Being an introvert is fine. Learn to be comfortable with it - accept your Self. Pray.