Posted on 04/20/2021 5:50:01 AM PDT by upchuck
--Logic is a systematic method for getting the wrong conclusion with confidence! Statistics is a systematic method for getting the wrong conclusion with 95% confidence!!
--I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
--Q: How do you raise a baby elephant? A: Use a forklift!
--Random thoughts:
Apparently you can’t use ‘beefstew’ as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
Bread is a lot like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
I am so old that, when I was a kid, we actually had to win to get a trophy!
There is an email going around offering processed pork, gelatin and salt in a can. If you get this email, do not open it. It's spam.
We'll be friends "Til we're old and Senile." ...Then we'll be new friends!
--A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
His wife asks, "Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen," he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down, because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream -- I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says... "Where's my toast?
--My neurologist finally discovered what's wrong with my brain. On the right side there's nothing left, and on the left side there's nothing right!
--"One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government." Donald Trump
--Dying cats pink, what’s next? Navy Seals?
--One more:
Describe yourself in three words. Lazy.
I'm not "lackadaisical", I'm lazy, which is the same only 3 whole syllables less.
All for now.
Amazing: clean jokes! Thanks
Beautifully done! And Thank you!
Thank you both for the kind words.
Funny. Thanks for the chuckles.
Thank you, upchuck!!!
Boo! Hiss!
(Why am I laughing?)
Y’all are welcome. Glad you got a few laughs.
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