Posted on 01/19/2021 7:48:39 PM PST by Beowulf9
Prayers for you and your mother.
Maybe if you took her there and tried to fix her a dinner at her home, maybe take the dog with y’all? Just to see if it changes anything? That’s what I would try. I know my mom will never be able to leave her house, she would become a mule or terribly depressed.
You have my sympathy and prayers, you’re in a very difficult position and it must be unbearably painful. Hang in there and God bless.
When my MIL was put in hospice. A hospice nurse told us “There comes a time when you’re no longer prolonging her life, you’re prolonging her death.”
They were comforting words and made us realize that it was OK to let go.
Something like this (not eating) happened with my Dad. It is quite possible your Mom has a hiatal hernia and / or ulcer.
However, my Dad was not too far gone with the Dementia and accepted treatment, living several more months and getting to see his other two (very far flung) sons again, even reconciling in a sense with the “prodigal” one. The hope of seeing all his boys one last time helped keep him going.
In any event, I agree with others here. Get professional help.
“A POA is for finances, a health care proxy is what you mean.”
That’s true in Massachusetts, where I have elderly parents, which is how I know. It’s false in California, where I deal with powers of attorney for healthcare (Probate Code Section 4701) quite often. The terminology varies from state to state.
My mom was 99+ when she started to find it hard to eat much of anything. She was always a picky eater, but towards the end, she ate very little. I tried Ensure, which she wouldn’t drink, and then milkshakes which she would.
Of course she stated losing weight and I tried to tempt her with things I knew she’d like. But even sweets, she’d take a few bites and then not eat any more. Of course as time went on she grew weaker.
I am not a doctor, but it may well be that your mom is getting ready to leave. Keep her comfortable, tell her you love her. I know from personal experience that this isn’t easy.
I just went through a very similar situation during December and ending, sadly, on January 8.
You’ll want to download a blank advance health care directive for your state, and then have a discussion with her about her preferences, and this is for your sake as much as her own. You can help her fill it out and sign it for when you’ll need it.
Medicare should pay for a hospice service to come to you, and set her up with anything she needs in her own room. She’ll get an evaluation by a doctor, weekly or as needed visits from an LVN, and a couple of visits a week from an aid, if needed. There will be a social worker assigned, who will probably be more help than you might imagine. And finally, she’ll get a “comfort pack” of medications, commonly lorazapam and morphine sulfate. The hard truth is, if she won’t eat, she’s going to start hurting, and you will want to be prepared for that.
How to find a good hospice service? You can ask your doctor, but they may not be the best source of information. I just checked my local area and started calling people and interviewed them. I wound up picking one based on that interview, and it turned out to be a good choice.
This was the third time for me, (two parents and my dad’s sister), and it doesn’t get any easier with practice. I have seen people turn around after a little time on hospice as well, they start feeling better, and decide that it might not actually be time yet.
fReepmail me if there’s any other information that you need. God bless you both.
I just went through a very similar situation during December and ending, sadly, on January 8.
You’ll want to download a blank advance health care directive for your state, and then have a discussion with her about her preferences, and this is for your sake as much as her own. You can help her fill it out and sign it for when you’ll need it.
Medicare should pay for a hospice service to come to you, and set her up with anything she needs in her own room. She’ll get an evaluation by a doctor, weekly or as needed visits from an LVN, and a couple of visits a week from an aid, if needed. There will be a social worker assigned, who will probably be more help than you might imagine. And finally, she’ll get a “comfort pack” of medications, commonly lorazapam and morphine sulfate. The hard truth is, if she won’t eat, she’s going to start hurting, and you will want to be prepared for that.
How to find a good hospice service? You can ask your doctor, but they may not be the best source of information. I just checked my local area and started calling people and interviewed them. I wound up picking one based on that interview, and it turned out to be a good choice.
This was the third time for me, (two parents and my dad’s sister), and it doesn’t get any easier with practice. I have seen people turn around after a little time on hospice as well, they start feeling better, and decide that it might not actually be time yet.
fReepmail me if there’s any other information that you need. God bless you both.
Have her checked for UTI.
Give her food via a NG or a gastric tube...
Or place her on Comfort measures...and make her comfortable...and let her go.
FRiend,,,when it's time to go...it's time to go.
I work in the Biz..I've seen this hundreds of time...Of course it's not easy..but this is the course of life....
A urinary tract infection can cause confusion. That’s a possibility.
If you think she had fallen and she is in pain trying to walk, she may have broken her hip. She needs to at least be evaluated for that either by her doctor or through the ER of your nearest hospital. She could be in agony and unable or unwilling to tell you that. Please at least rule it out.
I’ll be praying for her and you and your family.
If your parents are in Mass you need to do the same thing. Get those documents in your name and don’t let any state agency in their house.
Vanilla Ensure with a shot of peach brandy.
I call it a “Peachy Alexander”.
The dog will like it, too.
It is her time. Call hospice. I am not being heartless. This is what happened with my mom.
Or
Has she been checked for a UTI (urinary tract infection) recently? Those in the elderly create strange actions. My mom would not take pills and after out.
Prayers for you and your mother.
Of note, Pedialyte is a drink that was recommended to me from my Dad’s nurse to get quick results in dangerous dehydration.
Praying for you both, keep us posted.
She probably has no memory of her home...and could not take care of herself there anyway...make her like where she is with you, as others have said..sweets, foods she likes, experiences she likes...got photo albums? See if those make her happy....let her feed her dog...and as others have said...get help...she sounds like dementia has hit. If you had a good relationship with her you’ve been given a gift...altho it won’t seem so at times. Prayers for you.
Yes
Ensure type drinks can help.
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