Posted on 01/19/2021 7:48:39 PM PST by Beowulf9
Brought my mother who is 94 and has intermittent confusion and a possible fall to my house to care for her. In the past 3 weeks she has eaten and drank less and less. Refusing all sorts of food she used to eat, scrambled eggs or eggs of any kind, ensure which she used to drink and like, yogurt, chicken salad sandwich which she used to like and now refuses any food. She stopped eating altogether and drinks one cup of coffee in the morning and that's about it and that coffee is a half a cup is all. She has good teeth and no problem chewing but stays in bed and sleeps off and on all day saying just I want to sleep. She gets up and goes to the bathroom which is right by her bedside about 6 feet away then back to bed.
I had to bring her dog over, a labrador who stays by her side constantly and who she gives all her food to if I leave the room. When I put him out while attempting to feed her she eats only a very small portion and then asks where is the dog. If I bring him in she commences to give him whatever food I brought in.
Today I called 911, had the ambulance come, she refused them to take her blood pressure or listen to her heart at all. I helped put the leads on for an ekg during which she began hitting me, repeatedly while I did, thankfully it was normal sinus rhythm. She kept telling the ambulance people 'no, I'm not going, go away, I'm not doing it, I'm not going, go away' the entire time they were here.
Because she refused to go to the hospital, and she was not having trouble breathing or having a dangerous heart rhythm they did not take her in.
She desperately needs iv fluids, and I would love it if they would pump some iv nutrition into her but I cannot get her to go to the hospital. I do not have Power of attorney and cannot get it here at home but they would not take her if I did based on the findings of her not being in dire health circumstances.
Anyone have any ideas? How to feed? How to get any nutrition in her? I would appreciate any helpful suggestions.
when someone is ready to go.. you just have to be willing to let them go. I am sorry.
Have you had her seen by a geriatric medicine specialist?
I think she’s trying to tell you something she cannot verbalize...it may be hard for you, but she wants to die.
Maybe have a frank conversation with her about what is going on, and what she is doing.
If she wants to go, no one can give another the will to live. If shes trying to just get attention, just tell hr mission accomplished and pun down exactly what shes trying to get from you.
It sounds like it would be difficult at this stage of her life, but do you think you could get her to sign a durable power of attorney? That’s the best way to take charge of her health care needs.
Pin down
Damn tablet
What Tex said.
Pray for comfort and thankfulness of 94 years.
These are signs she’s ready to go.
It’s sad. Chokes me up.
Sounds she needs to be in a hospice.
Stay with her. Tell her you love her. Tell her about things you remember when you were growing up. Hold her hand. Thank her for all she did for her. Keep her comfortable. Give her love.
Same exact situation that happened to my 93 year old uncle. He just gave and said he was ready to die. I was his only local relative and thankfully he lived in assisted living.
There is not much you can do at this point. Hate to be barer of bad news but this is common.
It'd not only make her more comfortable, but you too.
Hospice isn't necessarily a death sentence; I know.
If she has a doctor following her consult with him. The fall may have destabilized her mental status; or at 94, and with possibly dementia, she may be entering an end of life depression. The refusal to eat is the key. Sadly I know but she may just be ready to go. Be kind to her and don’t force her.
Sounds like she would qualify for hospice care. This is happening to my mom right now in our home. Stopping eating is the beginning of the end. It’s ok. Apply for hospice through a kind doctor who will understand. They will also help you deal with your feelings of desperation. Death is not worse than suffering in bed in diapers waiting to die.
I am sorry. I will pray for both you and your mother.
I’m sorry. My dad did this before he died. He was 92 and in assisted living. We had set up hospice a few weeks before he passed. Have you contacted hospice?
Sadly, I agree. Your mom is doing what mine did. I understood and sat by her side holding her hand.
You need to obtain professional help and guidance. Your mother most likely needs to be in a full care facility. I’ve had to deal with the same problem and with guidance from a psychiatrist, psychologist and general practitioner, this was the correct advice for me and my father.
If you have a Home Health agency - contact them. They deal with this quite a bit - and hospice as Grampa Dave said.
Have been through what you’re experiencing.
Call an ER and tell them the problem. They should be able to advise you or connect you to someone who can. I’m no expert but it sounds like she’s very depressed. If she is not competent, a doctor can determine that and act accordingly. I’ve been through this. Good luck and you have my prayers.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.