Posted on 01/19/2021 7:48:39 PM PST by Beowulf9
Brought my mother who is 94 and has intermittent confusion and a possible fall to my house to care for her. In the past 3 weeks she has eaten and drank less and less. Refusing all sorts of food she used to eat, scrambled eggs or eggs of any kind, ensure which she used to drink and like, yogurt, chicken salad sandwich which she used to like and now refuses any food. She stopped eating altogether and drinks one cup of coffee in the morning and that's about it and that coffee is a half a cup is all. She has good teeth and no problem chewing but stays in bed and sleeps off and on all day saying just I want to sleep. She gets up and goes to the bathroom which is right by her bedside about 6 feet away then back to bed.
I had to bring her dog over, a labrador who stays by her side constantly and who she gives all her food to if I leave the room. When I put him out while attempting to feed her she eats only a very small portion and then asks where is the dog. If I bring him in she commences to give him whatever food I brought in.
Today I called 911, had the ambulance come, she refused them to take her blood pressure or listen to her heart at all. I helped put the leads on for an ekg during which she began hitting me, repeatedly while I did, thankfully it was normal sinus rhythm. She kept telling the ambulance people 'no, I'm not going, go away, I'm not doing it, I'm not going, go away' the entire time they were here.
Because she refused to go to the hospital, and she was not having trouble breathing or having a dangerous heart rhythm they did not take her in.
She desperately needs iv fluids, and I would love it if they would pump some iv nutrition into her but I cannot get her to go to the hospital. I do not have Power of attorney and cannot get it here at home but they would not take her if I did based on the findings of her not being in dire health circumstances.
Anyone have any ideas? How to feed? How to get any nutrition in her? I would appreciate any helpful suggestions.
My uncle got to die at home, he passed away with his pet rabbit on his belly and his wife and kids at hand. So by all means let the dog come in and let her feed it.
Dehydrated equals lethargic. Dehydrated also equals compacted stools, buildup of blood toxins, and a whole host of other bad things. If Mom is constipated she may not want to tell you but she won’t want to eat, either. At the very least, I’d try to get water into her. Dog can come in but you have to drink 8oz or 4oz. Time to take a shower/wash hair, another 4 oz. Go pee, another 4 oz. However you have to canoodle her into drinking water. Try to get her to get up out of bed for meals at the table. Once Mom’s hydrated she may want to eat a little more. Call her primary doctor. Explain in detail and ask for visiting nurse 2x/3x week for ‘fall’ follow-up. Don’t accept a rx for a antidepressant that takes 6 weeks to work - ask for xanax or similar - instant anti-anxiety. Also talk to the hospice care attached to the hospital. They may offer at least one or two home visits or can refer you to a private agency. If you can’t get a visiting nurse thru the doc, and can afford a few private care visits, call a private agency for a PA and a nurse aid (PA to rx IV, check for/remove impaction and the NA to change bed and gossip with Mom).
Bring activity into her bedroom. Music, card game even if she doesn’t join in. Take her for a car ride, maybe to see her house - does she need to retrieve a favorite blanket or throw pillow or picture? (don’t take the dog or she won’t want to go back to your house). Whatever it takes, eh? Try everything you can think of, don’t take rejection or mood swings personally, and if it turns out to not be enough in spite of your best efforts, you’ll have no regrets.
https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Fortified-Nutrition-Vanilla-Snack/dp/B00E0SH5ME
My Mom loves this. Tastes like ice cream or slightly thawed it is like pudding. Protein, 20 vitamins and minerals, 290 calories.
I also buy the breakfast essentials powder drink mix. Less expensive than boost or ensure, and tastes better. These things have no fiber so, she needs to get fiber.
Anything sweet my Mom likes, or stuff from “the olden days” like corn dogs, brown sugar maple syrup oatmeal, or beenee weenies. I also tell her if you don’t eat you will die. Food is just like gasoline for a car. Your engine cannot run w/o fuel.
My Mom had pneumonia and sepsis a few years back. Wouldn’t eat. We would tap her cheek, just like you do with a baby bird when you tap its beak to get it to eat from an eye dropper. She would open her mouth, and start eating.
My Mom is 96, btw. It is challenging. I also play old music she liked back in the day. Pandora is great for that, or we watch shows together. She likes The Golden Girls. I also make her walk, and we dance to olden days tunes.
Mobility is important.
You mentioned the possibility of a fall. A head injury could possibly explain part of her symptoms, but it sounds like getting her properly evaluated might be difficult. Perhaps a palliative care nurse could do an assessment to help you make some decisions. It would be much less intrusive than a 911 call.
My mom was not doing well at all until we found an adult family home for her over three years ago that was run by a very experienced nurse. It took some time for her to adjust, but she is doing much better, in part because of the antidepressant med she is now taking. She turned 97 last month.
It seems you and I are on the same page. I brought a cat in for my Mom. It really made a big difference. That cat knows it’s job is to be her sidekick, and vice versa. The cat follows her everywhere, lays on he lap, sleeps at the foot of her bed.
Several mentioned a Urinary Tract Infection. There are test strips you can buy for an at home test. I buy these for my Mom.
https://www.azoproducts.com/products/uti-medications/azo-test-strips
Walmart, grocery, drug stores carry them.
My mom is beginning to show the same symptoms.
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My mother died at 93 a year ago, exhibited many of the same patterns. You have to watch out for your health as much as hers, there is likely little you can do. Sorry to not be able to give better advice. Document with video what is going on. Maybe call a social worker. For your own protection.
Sooooo sorry. I’ve been there.
That is good to know. Thank you!
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I am very moved by all these answers here, did not expect that. There are so many good suggestions.
Will try this one and many others suggested. I sincerely appreciate the prayers, I need them. She needs them. Thank you all.
I found this article probably could help you. It helps me through the situation with my father.
https://sites.google.com/view/alzhaimers/home
Have her checked for a UTI.
If your Mom is constipated, these are my favorites to use on my Mom. They work fast to get things moving.
Invest in nitrile gloves.
Sometimes a Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor can work a miracle, even with appetite, which is directly related to a facet of their theory. They have herbs that stimulate appetite, and can do miracles with acupuncture.
I used to go to one, and a little old lady who must have been 100 would hobble in barely able to walk with a cane, and fifteen minutes later she would walk out bouncy and energetic.
God bless.
Prayers up that she finds peace and comfort, in life or death.
Bladder infections caused my mother to be confused and combative with none of the usual symptoms of irritation and discomfort.
Apparently this is common in old ladies according to her doctor.
Ignore a lot of these “she wants to die’ posts. I can’t tell you for sure, because I am not there, but my guess is her stomach feels better empty. In TCM, a lot of cases like that are just byproducts of some sort of condition of the digestive tract. Could be a bad bacteria in there, or just a depressed nervous system in some way.
As I said, TCM doctors see that all the time, and appetite is highly diagnostic to them, relating to something they call “spleen,” in their theory. They have herbs, which probably affect the nervous system and gastrointestinal peristalsis, liver bile secretion, pancrease fluid release, and other things, as well as the microorganisms able to live down there.
I’d look for a TCM doctor, preferably using herbs and acupuncture, preferably a decade and a half of practice or more, and ideally one which says they are very versed in gastrointestinal complaints.
Even just an acupuncturist can work wonders though. Oddly enough I read a paper of a spinal cord injury which was paralyzed below the neck, and they had constipation problems which drugs were not helping. But they called in an acupuncturist as a last resort, and he actually got the intestinal system working, despite the paralysis.
Seek out a hospice consult and they should be able to guide her care with compassion and dignity if she qualifies, though it sounds like a pretty straight-up “failure to thrive” diagnosis. Hospice does not necessarily mean imminent death, but it might lead to the very best quality of life for your mom with the time that she has left and an opportunity for you and the people who love her to make the most of what time remains.
The very best of luck. It is so hard to care for aging parents, Prayers for your family.
If there are other siblings/family members they could challenge mental ability of Mom to sign such an order. Should have been done long ago, Lesson for all of us.
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