Posted on 10/20/2019 6:56:07 PM PDT by mkleesma
Whether you’re visiting your parents’ stuffy old Baptist church or piling into the family minivan because the kids are begging to ride the roller coaster at the sleek new megachurch down the street, the age-old question persists: what should you wear?
Wonder no longer, good and faithful servant. We sent a team of Babylon Bee agents to over two thousand churches, big and small, new and old, all across the land to research customs, dress codes, fashion do’s and fashion don’ts. This exhaustively researched article is the result, and it’s absolutely packed with helpful fashion tips.
Bookmark this page and check it any time you’re unsure what it is you ought to be wearing to church!
Baptist—When you hit the local Baptist church, dust off your best polo shirt and slacks, like Jesus wore. Women should be sure to wear long enough skirts, lest they should cause a brother to stumble by flashing too much ankle.
Calvary Chapel—God is worthy of our Sunday best, so make sure you pick out your finest sandals, shorts, and Hawaiian print shirt when you show your face at one of your city’s fifty-eight Calvary Chapel churches. The hardcore believers will be touting a copy of Left Behind or The Late Great Planet Earth tucked beneath their arm.
Presbyterian & Reformed—The key word here is classy. Sport a three-piece suit, top hat, and a monocle. Pair with glass of scotch or craft beer and a Romeo y Julieta brand cigar to really blend in.
Non-Denominational Megachurch—Whatever you woke up in. If it’s good enough to party in late Saturday night and crash on your couch in, it’s good enough for God. If you overdress by wearing a shirt that doesn’t show some skin or a low-key, modest outfit, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb!
Pentecostal—Go with something loose and flowing—anything good for waving your arms around in or flopping around like Magikarp. Secret pockets and compartments you can use to stow a tambourine or dancing ribbon are useful.
Catholic—You’d best wear your spiffiest Sunday outfit or your Grandma will pinch you, and it will hurt like the dickens. If your Grandma isn’t there, don’t worry, someone else’s Grandma will assume her pinching duties.
Methodist—Mainline Methodists should wear a tie-dye T-shirt with a left-leaning political statement like LOVE IS LOVE or PRIDE. If you’re one of the few Methodists still left in orthodoxy, a WESLEY IS MY HOMEBOY shirt oughtta do it.
Lutheran—16th-century German monastic robes are ideal. If you are having trouble locating those, you can go with a Baptist-esque business casual outfit as a fallback. But really, you’re gonna want to try to find the robes if you don’t want to look like a loser.
Episcopalian—Wear anything you want; no one will be there to see you anyway.
Eastern Orthodox—Your outfit doesn’t matter so much as the fact that you’ve got a long, flowing beard. Women are not exempt from this requirement.
“I can always count on the gory hatred of Catholicism on this site”
Gory hatred?
Reminds me of Benghazi.
Blamed on a video, a video that was branded as Islamophobia.
I found the video and watched it closely.
Looking for hatred for Islam.
There was none.
It was all just truth and facts about Islam.
I don’t agree with a lot of things pushed by Catholicism.
I don’t hate it.
I don’t GORY hate it.
Before I go on, could you grab a link showing someone gory hating Catholicism here at FR?
Or is this a case like what happened in regards to pushing a video to cover for the horrors of Benghazi?
No, the Catholic contrivance of the Lord's supper, that of bread and wine becoming the "true body and blood of Christ" (only) at the words of a Catholic priest, so that the bread and wine no longer exist, and which is offered as a sacrifice for sins and fed to the flock as spiritual food, is not what the NT manifestly believed the gospels taught.
Nor are Catholics actually taking the "words of consecration" in the synoptic gospels literally (which would mean that the apostles consumed was manifestly physical flesh and wine, which is what was crucified and shed.
It actually is a paradox that while stress is placed upon the importance of appearance, and the manifest physicality of the incarnated Christ (which would scientifically tests to be human) is emphasized in contrast to a christ whose appearance did not correspond to what His body materially was, (1 Jn, 1:1-3l 4:2,3; 5:5-8) yet Catholics imagine (blind faith alone) that non-existent bread and wine, which would scientifically tests to be bread and wine, is really the body and blood of Christ.
That is, until the non-existent bread or wine, respectively, begin to manifest decay/corruption (and it must be seen), at which point Christ is said to be no longer present under the appearance of bread and wine.
Rather then this delusion, only the metaphorical understanding of the Lord's supper easily corresponds to the Scriptures in totality.
Read here if you would, by the grace of God.
That is a liberal tactic, that of labeling those who for the sake of God's Truth reprove error to be "haters," as if by the same measure that appellation does not apply to those who attack the "haters."
And is it actually Catholics who post the most provocative articles here attacking Protestantism, while what posts you see in threads is usually the result of Catholics posting their traditions of men. As was the case here. If you do not want correction, do not provoke it.
“ the angels descend on the altar and the last supper is visited”
.........
Never happens in Scripture.
Church apparel and behavior is absolutely appalling. People would like to point to James about one should not worry about what they should wear. But they ignore the fact that God instituted outfits for the priests for "glory" and "beauty" (Ex 28:2, 40) and people were commanded to bath and put on clean clothes before coming before God (Ex 19:10). Worship service is about corporately meeting a Holy God and our behavior should reflect that attitude. People can (and should) take the time to look reasonably nice. Today most people dress like they're going to a football game and are constantly getting up from the worship service to get a cup of coffee or bottle water. This includes our pastors. I've seen our pastors dressing better for a funeral than Sunday service.
Catholicism has traditions.
Tell us where in the Bible it says traditions are to be excluded
Read up on angels. In the Bible
The Catholic hatred on this site is real
And I have not ever in my life attacked anyone of any religion for their religion
Perhaps you should address your fellow Roman Catholic who daily posts numerous threads against your pope.
You want to see "hatred"....head over to one of those threads dealing with Francis.
Show us in Scripture examples of where Roman Catholic "traditions" are found.
Here’s what it comes down to: stick a crowbar in your wallet and get something decent to wear to a worship service.
I really don't think He cares what you wear as long as you are there.
"Having to wear" nice clothes is just another man-made rule much akin to how the Pharisees burdened their people with unnecessary rules.
Just cover up from neck to knee to avoid distractions.
It isn’t just church.
I attend many business meetings and events. Bankers and lawyers still wear suits. Some insurance agents, mostly the older ones, still wear ties. Everyone else wears “business casual” which now means khakis or jeans and a polo shirt.
Styles change. It is kind of silly to think that tying an expensive piece of silk around your neck and wearing a jacket when you aren’t cold is somehow “better” than being comfortable. I do think there should be standards, but those who get their panties in a wad over someone wearing sneakers to church need to lighten up.
I grew up around poor people. Men wore ties to church.
As did I. But not everyone had a suit and tie.
It's a similar argument about pews vs chairs.
Some get upset that pews are no longer used.
In the early church there were no pews. People would mill around, depending on the location, during the message and would discuss it among themselves while the message was being delivered!
Ya think the guys who brought their friend to Jesus and let him down through the roof were all dressed up that day?
That's the mindset we should all have....I'm getting to church one way or the other.
“ Catholicism has traditions.”
Many, many pagan traditions. They are not true.
“ Tell us where in the Bible it says traditions are to be excluded”
Traditions from the Apostles are true. Just demonstrate an Apostle practiced or taught it.
If not, it’s just a man-made or pagan practice.
“ Read up on angels. In the Bible”
I’ve read and studied it all. Nothing you claimed about angels is in there.
If you have chapter and verse to discuss, please post it FRiend.
“ As did I. But not everyone had a suit and tie.
Less than half the males in America own a suit.
Loving it.
I’m down to one suit for funerals and fancy occasions and a tux for formal.
Church is casual - come to Christ as you are.
Amen, bro!
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