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Enhanced Footage Of Service Reveals Hillary Was Reciting Ancient Ritual To Summon Cthulhu (Sat)
Babylon Bee ^ | 12/6/2018

Posted on 12/07/2018 2:53:36 AM PST by Gamecock

Full Title: Enhanced Footage Of Memorial Service Reveals Hillary Clinton Was Actually Reciting Ancient Ritual To Summon Cthulhu From His Slumber

WASHINGTON, D.C.—It may have looked like Hillary Clinton was reciting the Apostles' Creed along with the rest of those gathered at yesterday's memorial service for George H.W. Bush—Trump and his wife excepted. But the truth appears to be far more sinister: enhanced, slowed-down, zoomed-in footage of the event revealed that Clinton was actually reciting an ancient cultic ritual to raise ancient god Cthulhu from his slumber.

As others around her dutifully cited the Apostles' Creed, Clinton's eyes glazed over in a trance. Her voice took on a cold, eldritch quality, "at least more than usual," according to witnesses. "Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!" she began, as others in her pew shifted uncomfortably. "Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!"

According to scholars, the phrase roughly translates as "In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."

The doors of the church burst wide open. A frigid wind blasted the congregation as Clinton chanted louder and louder, approaching the front of the church: "Cthulhu fhtagn! Cthulhu fhtagn!" CTHULHU FHTAGN!"

Luckily, the former secretary of state then stumbled on a step and was subdued by her aides.

"It was a close one," Bill Clinton said, chuckling nervously. "When you get her going like that, you usually just have to wait it out. Just last week she very nearly summoned a Shoggoth as we were sitting down to watch CSPAN."


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS:

1 posted on 12/07/2018 2:53:36 AM PST by Gamecock
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To: Gamecock

Whatever!


2 posted on 12/07/2018 3:10:58 AM PST by Doofer
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To: Gamecock; Fred Nerks

Pizmo Ping!


3 posted on 12/07/2018 3:21:52 AM PST by Candor7 ((Obama Fascism)http://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2009/05/barack_obama_the_quintessentia_1.html)
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To: Gamecock

"...I'll have know,your post has delay my daily morning turd delivery.. which means my whole day will be mmmm slow, thus my normal,youthful,sprite self....thanks!"

4 posted on 12/07/2018 3:22:22 AM PST by Doogle (( USAF.68-73....8th TFW Ubon Thailand....never store a threat you should have eliminated)))
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To: Gamecock
I always suspected as much! 😂
5 posted on 12/07/2018 3:32:01 AM PST by Jimmy Valentine (DemocRATS - when they speak, they lie; when they are silent, they are stealing the American Dream)
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To: Candor7

I’m with the cat on #4


6 posted on 12/07/2018 3:57:04 AM PST by Fred Nerks (FAIR DINKUM!)
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To: Gamecock

Cthulhu 2020! Stop voting for the lesser evil!


7 posted on 12/07/2018 4:07:19 AM PST by Tax-chick (Ask me about my Marine!)
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To: Gamecock

Wouldn’t surprise me.......


8 posted on 12/07/2018 4:08:56 AM PST by metmom ( ...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith......)
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To: Gamecock

So how is this satire?


9 posted on 12/07/2018 4:09:12 AM PST by metmom ( ...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith......)
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To: metmom

Fake news—but ACCURATE nevertheless.


10 posted on 12/07/2018 4:16:24 AM PST by Flintlock (The ballot box STOLEN, our soapbox taken away--the BULLET BOX is left to us.)
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To: Doogle

Have more coffee then


11 posted on 12/07/2018 4:20:25 AM PST by King Moonracer (Bad lighting and cheap fabric, that's how you sell clothing.)
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To: Gamecock

How to translate R’lyehian

https://www.yog-sothoth.com/wiki/index.php/R’lyehian


12 posted on 12/07/2018 4:21:54 AM PST by HangnJudge
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To: Gamecock

Fake news!
We know this, because Hillary is too drugged to be able to walk and talk at the same time, to be able to stand and talk at the same time for extended periods of time, or to be able to climb more than one flight of stairs at a time.

To claim she is able to read and speak fluent Clothaugu at the same time is inconceivable! (But to fight a land war in Asia is also inconceivable.)


13 posted on 12/07/2018 4:23:38 AM PST by Robert A Cook PE (The democrats' national goal: One world social-communism under one world religion: Atheistic Islam.)
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To: Gamecock

I thought Babylon Bee was parody.


14 posted on 12/07/2018 4:35:08 AM PST by MuttTheHoople
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To: Gamecock

Iced Earth
https://youtu.be/K-wQ9qqe2mg


15 posted on 12/07/2018 4:36:30 AM PST by waterhill (I Shall Remain, in spite of __________.)
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To: MuttTheHoople

"Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!"
16 posted on 12/07/2018 5:05:55 PM PST by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)
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To: Fred Nerks

Post16 is a kick! ( Perhaps it’s just Parkinsons?)


17 posted on 12/07/2018 8:37:00 PM PST by Candor7 ((Obama Fascism)http://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2009/05/barack_obama_the_quintessentia_1.html)
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To: Candor7
Compare her to the mild-mannered Fuehrer...


18 posted on 12/07/2018 9:46:45 PM PST by Fred Nerks (FAIR DINKUM!)
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To: Fred Nerks

They both are fascists with Parkinson’s ?

The similarities between today’s liberal fascists today, and the former draconian fascists are really quite shocking.

Both seek a final solution in a totalitarian state.Hillary seems more full of hate than Adolf.

( Great photo work there, BTW)


19 posted on 12/08/2018 2:03:38 AM PST by Candor7 ((Obama Fascism)http://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2009/05/barack_obama_the_quintessentia_1.html)
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To: AdmSmith; AnonymousConservative; Arthur Wildfire! March; Berosus; Bockscar; cardinal4; ColdOne; ...
Did I really have to mention that this is satire? Spoof?

20 posted on 12/08/2018 7:32:02 AM PST by SunkenCiv (and btw -- https://www.gofundme.com/for-rotator-cuff-repair-surgery)
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