Top 10 Funniest Puns

sycmu ^ | 3/1/2018 | unknown

[sodpoodle]

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it. 3. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils. 4. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize. 5. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. 6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor. 7. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired. 8. Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run. 9. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. 10. What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.

[RegulatorCountry]

I don’t see that all fruit flies like a banana. A round fruit like an orange or an apple should fly better with the same impetus. A heavy fruit like a ripe watermelon shouldn’t fly as well with the same impetus.

Punkins fly pretty darned well, especially with a trebuchet.

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

Every time I meet a man named Brian I always tell him how great it is to have him around if a group of dyslexic zombies attack.

[Yaelle]

I was having dinner with a World Chess Champion in a restaurant with checkered tablecloths. Took the guy an hour to pass me the salt.

---

Ok. You killed me.

[CrazyIvan]

“This just in: The guy who fell into the upholstering machine is now fully recovered.”

That had me in stitches.

[papertyger]

How does it change many dyslexics to take a light bulb?”

reeth!

[stylin19a]

my daughter, for awhile, thought God’s name was “hallowed”.

[Rastus]

I found out my girl had a wooden leg, so I had to break it off.

[al_c]

I thought one of these would make me groan. No pun in ten did.

Well played!

[Boogieman]

"A heavy fruit like a ripe watermelon shouldn’t fly as well with the same impetus."

Better ask the expert:

[JewishRighter]

“This just in: The guy who fell into the upholstering machine is now fully recovered.”

That reminds me about the guy who invented eyeglass lenses using a grinding machine. One day, he fell into the machine and made a spectacle of himself.

[Radix]

I once spilled milk in my fridge and after a while it smelled like farts.

No damage done but it still smells like derrière.

[TNoldman]

Ping

[TNoldman]

Ping

[glock rocks]

I am Dyslexis of Borg. Your ass will be laminated.

[TNoldman]

Ping

[hanamizu]

Past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

[Pecos]

Re-read. You put the emPHASis on the wrong sylLABal.

[outofsalt]

I was once addicted to ‘The Hokie Pokey’ but I turned myself around.

[John Milner]

My Dad said people were a lot smaller in Bible times, or else the cars were bigger. He quoted the scripture as proof. “The apostles were all in one Accord.”

[John Milner]

Whenever I see one of the few surviving Chevrolet subcompacts from the 1970’s I always say, “Now that looks Vega-ly familiar.”