We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I...
Posted on 02/17/2018 4:06:29 PM PST by nickcarraway
Steve Kenilworth sighs as he flops down on the couch in the staff room at Rick Astley High School, his Grade 8 math classes finally done for the day.
"I'm grateful to have such a full workload this semester because it really keeps my mind off…my…my situation," he shares in a sternly hushed tone as both of his eyes scan the room.
Kenilworth explains that several months ago, much to his shock, biology teacher Samantha Young confessed that she has romantic feelings for him. Meanwhile, however, Kenilworth has been helplessly in love with English teacher Dana Freeman for a number of years, and that number is six.
"I mean, both of these women are just magnificent. And equally so. Any man would be lucky to be with them. Me, on the other hand, I'm just kind of a weird dumb tool? I seriously don't know why either one bothers to acknowledge my existence. Ugh, I mean, look at me. I look like Steve Buscemi's exhausted, vaguely nauseous great-uncle."
"What I'm trying to get at here is that two sides of this love triangle are very clearly equal, whereas the third one is not," he continues thoughtfully. "I wish I could say this whole mess is an equilateral, where every side's the same. But come on. Who am I kidding? Dana and Sam are both radiant pillars of light, titans of intellect. Whereas for dinner last night, I ate cereal off a Frisbee because I had no clean bowls in my home."
"And before you get any fancy ideas, who said anything about milk?"
Asked what he plans to do about this frustrating romantic entanglement, Kenilworth shrugs wearily. "I'm trying to figure that out. Regrettably, my Texas Instruments geometry set doesn't come with a moral compass."
"In the meantime though," he says, "I figured I may as well calculate the height of our love triangle. Or maybe even the area! I mean, why not, right? It's just a neat and fun thing to do! Gosh, it's both so neat and fun!"
Kenilworth springs to his feet and crosses the hall into an empty classroom, where he immediately busies himself scrawling complex equations all over a white board like some kind of weird secret genius janitor in a '90s rom com.
"I've tried to talk to her about my feelings but we just keep creeping around the perimeter of the issue," he says. "Which, for those interested, with specific respect to an isosceles, is equal to 2a+b. That's how you'd go about solving for P in that case. So."
"Does anyone have any questions?" he adds, even though last I checked, this reporter is equal to one person.
Kenilworth returns to the staff room, dejected. He opens a yearbook and gazes longingly at Dana's staff photo.
"As far as English teachers go, man, she's acute one," he says, before exploding into a fit of howling laughter at his own joke, a sound not unlike a hyena freaking out with joy about a Boxing Day sale continuing on for an extra week after he'd assumed it had ended.
At the time of this writing, forty minutes had elapsed and Mr. Kenilworth had still not recovered from his joke.
We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I...
I love that video. Really.
“I Saw Her Again Last Night” (written by John Phillips) was about Michelle’s adultery with Denny Doherty, who helped to co-write the song.
An amazing vocal group that lasted less than 3 years and produced 4 great albums during that period.
“Texas Instruments geometry set”
That is his problem right there. Everyone knows a Hewlett Packard calculator beats a TI any day of the week. I had a professor in college run a secret experiment while we all took a hybrid parameters test. Those with HP’s finished far ahead of those running TI’s.
I’ve been married for over 33 years, I had no doubt about my wife’s love for me before we got married. GOD brought us together, of that I am sure.
Rick Astley HS? Uh huh, sure.
Lovin’ Spoonful and CCR were like that, a lot of productivity in a few years.
Ha! We’ve been RickRolled :)
Beatles were truly extraordinary in super quality and productivity - 12 albums in 6 years.
Not only amazing albums but 14 tracks on each album.
Most of the Beatles’ hits weren’t on the albums, they usually didn’t include their singles on albums.
I love you period - Dan Baird
Back when I was goin’ to school, I never learned a thing
All I did was daydream, a-waitin’ for the bell to ring
I had a certain teacher, I always tried to impress her
When she stood up in the classroom, I would mentally undress her
Then one day I decided, that I would write a little letter
She said the spellin’ was a masterpiece, the punctuation could be better
I understood what she was saying, I got the gist of her sentiment
She said I don’t mean to be degrading, but here’s the way that it shoulda
went
[Chorus (2x):]
I love you period
Do you love me question mark
Please, please exclamation point
I want to hold you in parentheses
Right on up to high school, people said I was a writin’ fool
All my letters became really great, with punctuation that was never late
But I was havin’ trouble meetin’ girls, I never knew the things to say
Soon I had ‘em all overwhelmed, when they heard me talk this way, like this
[Chorus]
Good for you and she! May it last another 33 and beyond!
Did I just get Rick Rolled?
So here's where Mojo Nixon comes in - Rick Astley is a pantywaist.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXLuSHx1fR0
I hate to go off on a tangent, but could you give me a sine of what this hyperbole is about?
Not a very good math teacher. He should have headed Venn’s guidance.
I didn’t know that. Thanks.
You all need to check out this version - one of the best mashups I have ever seen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NN75im_us4k
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