Posted on 12/24/2017 8:57:26 AM PST by OneVike
Many years ago, shortly before Christmas, there was a young boy named Ricky. His father had to go away for awhile, and so his family had to move to another part of the city where his mom could be closer to the place where she worked.
It was far away from the neighborhood Ricky new and the friends he left behind, but soon he met a new friend who lived near by.
It was the day before Christmas, with fresh snow on the ground and Christmas music playing on the radio. His older sisters were helping mom bake Christmas cookies while his brothers were playing a game of cards in the living room.
Ricky's new friend came over to see if he wanted to go sledding. He asked his mom and she said he could, but not to stay out past dark. He grabbed his sled and headed to a hill in a park that was not too far from the apartment complex.
They spent the afternoon sledding, building snowmen, and even got into a playful snowball fight with some other boys in the neighborhood. They had so much fun they lost track of the time. All of a sudden the street lights came on and Ricky told his friend he had to go home.
They said their goodbyes and each boy headed into opposite directions to their home. As he headed in the direction of the building where he lived, he looked back where the hill was and his new friend had already disappeared out of site.
Ricky was hungry, and looked forward to those Christmas cookies his mom and sisters were baking. Nothing like some hot cocoa and cookies to warm up with after a great day of sledding.
The closer he got to the apartment complex the more he realized all the buildings looked alike. Even the cars all looked the same with the fresh snow on them. It was quiet, and Ricky didn't recognize anything. There wasn't anyone else outside, not even his brothers or sisters.
Ricky's ears and feet were getting colder by the minute. He continued trudging thorough the snow, pulling his sled from building to building. Soon he started to panic as he kept looking for anything familiar.
The sidewalks weren't shoveled. The streets weren't plowed. It was getting darker and darker. To make matters even worse, it started to snow again.
Ricky's heart sank into his chest as he realized he was completely lost. He was scared, cold, hungry, and lonely. He sat down on the steps of one of the buildings, and wondered if he would ever see his mom and family again. He would miss Christmas and no one would want him and his life would be over.
Sitting all hunched up to keep warm, with his head into his gloved hands, Ricky began to cry.
Soon, all he could hear was the noise of his own crying.
Suddenly a faint voice broke through his misery. He heard a woman softly asking him what was wrong. Ricky tried to talk, but his nose was running and he couldn't stop crying. The lady sat down next to him, and asked again,
“What's wrong? Why are you crying?”
He finally calmed down enough to answer,
“I can't find my home. We just moved here, and I'm lost”
The lady put her arm around him, pulled him into her chest, and said to him,
“Ricky. This is your home, and you are sitting on our steps.”
Ricky then recognized the voice. It was his mother. He turned and looked at the most beautiful face he had ever seen. Jumping up, he grabbed his mom around her neck, and hugged her tightly.
His tears turned to joy. He wasn't lost after all!
His mom held him tight and gave him a loving hug that turned all his fears into happiness. He was home with his family, on Christmas Eve.
I plan on getting it published in time for Christmas next year. It will be targeted for 7 to 11 year old children. A book to be read to them, and for them to read as they learn how. It will be an illustrated book, with pictures throughout it. So I will be looking for someone to draw the pictures for me since I will be dealing with copyright issues.
If anyone has any ideas that may help, by all means please let me know. I hope you enjoy the story.
I Wrote A Children's Book
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bttt
Unless you think that might involve copyright issues.
In which case, pop tart crumbs. More modern too.
Typo. Should be knew instead of new.
Typo. Missing a period after lost.
Women slaving away in the kitchen cooking while the men play cards? How in the world will a kid today be able to relate to a story from 1949? Today a kid would pull out his smartphone and use siri to find her way home or else just phone home and ask to get picked up.
What’s the lesson or purpose of the story and did you achieve it? Who is the audience?
Liked it. Believable story.
Excellent point. Set your time period.
It was the brothers that were playing cards. Another clue that they were poor, cause they couldn't even afford to play video games. The men don't come around till after the kids go to bed.
It's got single moms, dads in jail, poverty. It's a tale for the modern age.
One Vike, you should probably play up the above listed angles. People like Kirkwood can't read between the lines so I don't think kids will either.
Just some notes.
Geez... Why are you insulting the poster by making snide remarks about his family life? Saying his dad was in prison and his mom on welfare. Not cool.
My point was that kids today can’t relate to normal life from generations past.
BTTT
The time is actually 1962, so you are right no cell phones.
As for the girls helping mom, they enjoyed helping mom cook.
The author obviously meant that the dad was in prison. That's why he said he had to "go away for a while." That's a common euphemism. Ask Forrest Gump's mom.
You, on the other hand, did make snide remarks. You didn't even have the respect to read the story. There were no "men" playing cards. And all that about a cell phone. What kind of story would it be if the kids just moseyed on home with no problem. There would be no tearful reunion on Christmas.
You took a beautiful Christmas story and turned it into something ugly.
You need to get in the spirit of Christmas. When you make the effort to write a Christmas story and ask for notes, I will be happy to help you too. The author is free to take or leave my notes as he will.
Scrooge!
p.s. Merry Christmas.
I liked the story very much. I’d like it better if the story specified that the dad was in the military. The scene with the snow,the dark, the cold and a lost little boy was set really well.
Thank you, I’ll correct those errors.
The audience is 7 to 11 year old children.
Lesson and purpose? Hmm, good question.
I guess to know where you live and listen to mom about going home before it gets dark.
It’s a story to entertain, and it is based on a true event in my life, so i am glad it came off as believable.
Good idea, in today’s world children will understand that well. I like it.
Thanks, I am glad I described it well.
This was before Johnson and his "Great Society" agenda. When that passed I , as a youngster, noticed the effect it had on new residents.
Often I go by the apartment complex , " The Courts" and it is sad to see what has happened. Personal pride , for some, doesn't exist like it did in the past.
"The Courts" was a stepping stone until families acquired enough money to buy a home.
Good points. You are correct, the family unit and neighborhood closeness was destroyed by making the government the daddy and paying young girls to get pregnant to get their own place.
I enjoyed reading your story.
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