Most men just want a woman who's nice

Fox News ^ | 05/11/2017 | Suzanne Venker

[BJ1]

At the end of the day, most men just want a woman who’s nice. “Nice,” to a man, means being soft, gentle and kind. It means asking your husband how his day was and really listening. It means doing something nice for him with no expectation of getting something in return—you know, the way you did when you were dating. But wait a minute, you say. Don’t women want the same thing? A man who’s nice? Not exactly. Most women do want a man who’s kind, but that’s not the same as nice. Ask any guy you know, and he’ll likely give you example after example of women they know who said they wanted a nice guy but in reality wanted a bad boy. That’s because just as most men are attracted to femininity, or softness, most women are attracted to masculinity. And masculinity is hard. Gruff. Take charge. So, where are you on the nice scale? If you’re not an inherently nice person, believe me I get it. I think I’m pretty nice, but that isn’t the first word one would think of to describe me. The truth is, I’ve had to exercise my nice muscle. Now Playing Author shares marriage advice for 'alpha females' Never autoplay videos I’ve had to learn how to be be nice. A lot of women think they’re nice because they act nice. But acting nice and being nice are two different things. Being nice means you think of others before you think about yourself. (And yes, there’s such thing as being too nice and putting your needs last; but I’m not talking about that.) It means you’re attune to the needs of others and incorporate those needs into the equation. Most husbands have no desire to lord over their wives....

[miss marmelstein]

Huh. That’s interesting; thanks for posting.

The other problem is that these people - like Mary Matalin and James Carville (two of the homliest people who ever drew a breath) - produce even uglier families!

[Texas Tea]

Thank you for sharing that. It’s always a work in progress as it should be.

30 yrs is nothing to sneeze at. Congrats!

[miss marmelstein]

You two don’t sound shallow at all.

[central_va]

[Albion Wilde]

I don’t mean to judge, but...

What a nasty reply, Mr/Ms Christian Perfection—exactly what you say you didn't mean to do. Yet you did. Her whole story was one of growth. Mind your own prayers.

[shotgun]

It had nothing to do with being shallow. I was in love and had no reservations about anything I did for her which went a hell of a lot deeper then buying her gifts. But when she finally hit that last nerve you damn right I went off!

[miss marmelstein]

I love Audie Murphy, and have read many books about him and he was undoubtedly a soft-spoken man. But he had a terrible temper, badly hurt Tony Curtis by firing blanks directly against his stomach, and got into all kinds of fracases towards the end of his life. Not to mention placing horse racing bets with the Mafia!

That he had a serious case of untreated PTSD undoubtedly caused most of these problems but he was far from gentle.

[CodeToad]

I married nice but she is also great!

[dubyagee]

Not perfect by any means, but when I’m doing a poor job of reflecting Christ, I don’t mind it being pointed out.

Her story put a bad light on her ex whom she admitted she regretted marrying while walking down the aisle to marry him! It wasn’t his fault she didn’t ‘love’ him. Much of the problems in the marriage likely originated from that fact, though! The fact is, like it or not, love is something we choose to do, and she didn’t CHOOSE to love him. If she’s repented and changed, great. Her story didn’t read that way, though.

I wish her nothing but the best either way, but it certainly won’t hurt her to reflect on her role in a failed marriage. That’s the only way we learn anything in this world - reflection on the part we play in the chaos.

[vetvetdoug]

I noticed that in most women’s profiles they wanted a tour guide and a free ride to exotic places. Few enjoyed beer over wine. Very few expressed happiness in the basic pleasures in life like fishing and hunting. I also noticed that most wanted their man to have an income greater than $100K per year.

[metmom]

No! SHE’S nuts.

Don’t take that as representative of all women.

[Albion Wilde]

It wasn’t his fault she didn’t ‘love’ him.

You weren't there and you don't know whether he really loved her, either, or whether either or both of them were under pressure from parents, clergy or society in general to get married for any number of reasons other than true love and commitment. It happens possibly half or more of the time: "marry in haste, regret it at leisure." But you leapt -- in both posts -- to the conclusion that he was victimized by her and that she is not forgiven and must pray, etc. Excuse me? It's not by works that we are saved. I believe Christ took care of that; she clearly described the moral dilemma and struggle with repentance. That's what He is interested in.

A divorce, all that led up to it and all that is in its wake is one of the most difficult things a Christian ever experiences. Save your armchair Christian counseling for after you have completed a suitable course of study and can show some humility and appreciation for her journey. Unless you are stainless, or an ordained confessor, it's not your call to pile on about the deepest sorrow of her life. God wants us broken, and this is how she got there.

If this is instead a Catholic/Protestant condemnation thing you are doing, it's not going to be palatable on FR outside the Religion Forum Catholic Caucus threads.

[metmom]

Enjoy your delusion.

[metmom]

Obviously you don’t look at things from a man’s point of view. The women available to a middle-aged man just subpar. A man wants a pretty woman to have sex with and prefers that she be kind and treat him well. Not only are those women in short supply but the ones available have the added baggage of an ex they have children living at home with them.

Have you taken a look at middle aged men out there, Mr. America?

[metmom]

Apologies on behalf of my sex that pot-bellied, bald, middle-aged men can only find sub par women. Imperfect world, isn’t it?

I know we rarely agree on a lot, but you go girl.

[PLMerite]

I personally know at least four women who married/hooked up with jailbirds.

And they were ones I didn’t consider nuts before that.

[metmom]

****Many don’t like James Dobson, but I’m fine with him. I’m pretty sure it was him who defined masculinity this way:

1. A battle to fight.
2. An adventure to live.
3. A beauty to rescue.****

There’s also the book, *Wild at Heart* by John Eldredge, who says the same thing.

And you know what?

Trump is doing the alpha male thing and while the MSM is pitching a fit, his popularity ratings continue to climb.

[JamesP81]

I know an awful lot of young single Christian girls who are quite good catches and they far outnumber the number of guys who are good catches, ones with integrity.

My experience is that this is horse sh*t, top to bottom. For two reasons.

1) The good Christian girls you refer to will have nothing to do with the young men you refer to. Most talk a good game about finding someone stable with good morals, but all that talk is ultimately just talk; the actions of those saying such things don't match their words. If they did, the whole "good women marrying loser men" wouldn't be a cliche.

2) When I was dating, I dated many different kinds of women. The sad and unyielding truth is that the most well adjusted, emotionally healthy, sensible women I dated were, uniformly, unbelievers. Christian girls were the worst in terms of their proclivity towards demanding the world and offering nothing in return, then becoming self righteous when the demands were refused. This should not be so, but it is, bigly. The only thing that stopped me from giving up on Christian ladies was the simple fact that the bible comes right and says not to be unequally yoked. There is no reason beyond that.

I am sorry if this came off as offensive. That was not my intent. Just telling it like it is.

[metmom]

I worked full time for ten years before I met mr. mm and was THRILLED to quit and be a wife.

I have worked part time for some extra income, but I was the kind of stay-at-home mom the feminists love to hate.

Stayed home, had kinds, raised them, homeschooled them, baked my own bread, did my own canning, love to sew and garden.

Mr. mm once called me *hopelessly domestic*, a label I wear with pride.

While there were inequities that needed to be addressed when the women’s movement started, like anything, it went on to excess and has been ruined and ruined things and as a whole, I reject the feminist agenda, and cringe when I see girly men in skinny jeans.

Give me an alpha male any day of the week.

[JamesP81]

There's an interesting theory called the Geek Syndrome that breeding between these highly intelligent "systems thinkers" may be contributing to the epidemic of autism. We don't like to think of mate selection according to high intelligence being a form of inbreeding, but it's possible. This theory does not refute your point.

It's kind of interesting that you mention this. Two of my good friends from my college days got married, and they're both genius level intelligences. One of their sons is autistic now. Sample of one and all, but it does make you think.