Posted on 04/24/2017 5:21:46 AM PDT by sodpoodle
GETTING OLDER
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.."
*********************** An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad , what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife....." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
------------------------------ --- The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. ------------------------------ --- Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
******************** When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
------------------------------ - One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. ********* First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper... it's worse when you forget to pull it down. ```````````````` Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts aroundWal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?' To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter, --- let's look for yours." (ADORABLE)
********************* (And this final one especially for me,) "Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!"
##################
Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . . stick around awhile . . . it will!
I never really liked the terminology “Old People” but this makes me feel better about it. And if you ain’t one, I bet ya you know one! I got this from an “Old Personal friend of mine”!
“OLD PEOPLE” PRIDE
I’m passing this on as I did not want to be the only “old people” receiving it. Actually, it’s not a bad thing to be called, as you will see.
Old People are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the National Anthem. Old People remove their caps, cover their hearts, stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.
· Old People remember World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy, and Hitler.. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam.
· If you bump into an Old People on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old People on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old People trust strangers and are courtly to women and treat them with great respect.
· Old People hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
· Old People get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don’t like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.
· Old People have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it’s about their children, grandchildren or their animals.
· It’s the Old People who know our great country is protected, not by crooked greedy politicians who only care about themselves, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.
This country needs Old People with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country, and decent values.
We need them now more than ever.
Thank God for Old People....
Pass this on to all of the “Old People” you know. I was taught to respect my elders. It’s just getting harder to find them.
When you are dissatisfied
and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.
old people
-never pass up a bathroom
-never trust a fart
-never waste an erection
80 year old wife is feeling amorous.
Calls down to her 80 year old husband:
“Climb up these stairs and make mad passionate love to me”
Husband: “I can do one or the other...”
Thanks, made me giggle this am. LOL
As I make my way to becoming an old people, words I try to live by:
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
When I make it to my 30’s, I want to have the same humor and zest for life I have today.
I love that one
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half." You're never 36 and a half ...you're four and a half going on 5.
You get into your teens; now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. Eventually.
Then the great day of your life; you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. You BECOME 21...Yes!
Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. What's wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21; you TURN 30.
Then you're PUSHING 40...stay over there. You REACH 50.
You BECOME 21; you TURN 30; you're PUSHING 40; you REACH 50; then you MAKE IT to 60.
By then you've built up so much speed, you HIT 70. After that, it's a day-by-day thing. You HIT Wednesday...
You get into your 80's; you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30. My Grandmother won't even buy green bananas. "Well, it's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one."
In addition, it doesn't end there....
Into the 90's, you start going backwards. "I was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half."
Happy aging!
Rodney Dangerfield:
“I went to my doctor, you know my doctor, Dr Vinnie Boombatz.
He says to me: ‘Rodney, it looks like I’m going to have to run some tests. I’m gonna need a blood sample, a urine sample, and a stool sample.’
So I gave him my underwear......”
Khan Academy is FUN! Plus there are even a few good YouTube videos teaching Calculus!
(but then, I'm not OLD. I don't turn 70 until this Fall.)
;-)
I think I would prefer it the other way around.
Growing old up is mandatory, growing up old is optional.
I think I would prefer it the other way around.
Growing old up is mandatory, growing up old is optional.
I disagree completely.
First, what use is living, if you can't have a youthful outlook?
Secondly. What is the alternative to growing old?
Growing dead?
Yeah, but yer under 30.
Us over 60’s would really, really like our under 30 bodies!
If we could get both optional, now yer talkin’!...
“I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.”
That one struck home, I would add some roads that are now paved are the ones behind me; I paved those roads myself.
Love it! Thanks. I’m gunna read it to my 90 year old mother today. ;o)
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