COME ON DJ
PLAY THAT RECORD OF
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IN!!
Mexican food...the Ultimate oxymoron!
Source: http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-02-20/uk-police-chief-former-british-pm-was-huge-pedo-establishment-covered
Please pause and let that sink in. Thanks!
"Do you enjoy it?" the doctor asked.
"Actually, yes I do," she answered.
"Does it hurt you?" he asked.
"No. I rather like it," she responded.
"Well, then," the doctor continued, "there's no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care to not get pregnant.”
The woman was mystified. "What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?”
"Of course," the doctor replied. "Where do you think people like Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Jesse Jackson, or Al Sharpton came from?"
h/t Leo
FWIW, that statue is named Forever Marilyn and has been exhibited all over the world.
I'm too ugly to date attractive people, too attractive to date ugly people.
Not telling me something because you don't want to piss me off, is probably the best way to piss me off.
When the most boring teacher comes into your classroom, the hands of the clock begins to slow down.
Mentally responding to a text, then actually forgetting to reply.
My wife hosted a dinner party for family far and wide and everyone was encouraged to bring all their children as well. All during dinner my four-year-old niece stared at me sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.
I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, patted my hair in place but nothing stopped her from staring at me. I tried my best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for me.
I finally asked her "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response.
My little niece said, "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
Patient: “I agree. Preparation H does feel good....ON THE HOLE!”
1. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
2. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
3. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
4. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
5. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
Joe goes to the Super Bowl. His seat is in the nosebleed section, but at least he's at the Super Bowl. He starts looking around the stadium with his binoculars and sees a guy about 5 rows off the field on the 50 yard line with an empty seat beside him. This is driving Joe nuts, so at half time, he goes down and asks the guy why he has a vacant seat in such a choice location.
The guy says, "My wife and I bought these seats a long time ago. But unfortunately, she passed away."
"Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that", Joe says, "But why didn't you give the ticket to another relative or a friend?"
The guy replies: "They're all at the funeral."
IN! TOP 20!! YAY!!!
Happy Friday, Lucky!!!
Good morning.
Happy Friday. Top 20.
Thanks for the thread.
Anyone have a good homemade flour tortilla recipe?
My Grandma used to make them all the time from scratch. THICK ones! They were awesome.
Have a great weekend All!
A MODEST PROPOSAL
To take care of the illegal immigrant problem AND to provide African-Americans reparations, I propose the following:
1) 10 days from now, any remaining illegal immigrants in the US will become slaves
2) Every American family will then be given a slave
3) Every African-American family will be given TWO slaves as reparation for their ancestors being slaves
I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night.
She said, “If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you’d look all right.”
I said, “If I did that, I’d be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”
Cost me a fat lip... But, when you’re over sixty; who cares?
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, “You’re kinda cute. You gotta phone number?”
I said, “Yeah, you gotta pen?”
She said, “Yeah, I got a pen”.
I said, “You better get back in it before the farmer misses you.”
Cost me 6 stitches...but,
When you’re seventy...............who cares?
**********
I went to the drug store and told the clerk “Give me 3 packets of condoms, please.”
Lady Clerk: “Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”
I said “Nah... She’s purty good lookin’.....”
When you’re seventy..............who cares?
***********
I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.
She said, “If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you’d look all right.”
I said, “If I did that, I’d be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”
Cost me a fat lip, but...
When you’re seventy...............who cares?
**********
I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
“Really” she said, “Go on then... try.”
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, “Come on, what day was I born?”
I said, “Yesterday.”
Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...
When you’re seventy...............who cares?
*********
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you’re seventy...............who cares?
**********
I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, “Good legs.”
The girl giggled and said, “Do you really think so?”
I said, “Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now.”
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...
When you’re seventy...............who cares?
Top 50?
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
When you have too much time on your hands.
"Ceterum censeo Islam esse delendam."
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
I’m sorry, but Mexican food that is heavy on cilantro tastes to me like crushed up stinkbugs!