Posted on 01/16/2017 5:38:56 AM PST by Lazamataz
I propose to give you, my valued readers, the entirety of the Russian Hacks that gave Donald Trump an illegitimate victory.
There are other things the Russians are responsible for. A short list follows:
Russians cause global warming, infanticide, glacial formation, the sinking of the Titanic, the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, and fire ants. Russians are the cause of late mail, lack of adequate punctuation, the heartbreak of psoriasis, and feminine itching. Russians are the cause of fixed greyhound races, the metric system, errors in longitudinal measurements, and smaller portions. Russians are the cause of angry wives, Speedos on fat people, mismatched socks, and mold on cucumbers. Russians are the cause of the Zombie Apocalypse, interstellar planetary collisions, muteness in albinos, and killer bees. Russians are the cause of gingivitis, off-key chorus singing, air inversions, and incremental floods. Russians are the cause of fans that quit, entropy, soap shards in the shower, and fat girls. Russians are the cause of cold oatmeal, excessive blogging, sweat stains, and misfires in 9mm ammunition. Russians are the cause of cabinet doors that do not line up, cracks in the sidewalk, the scourge of heroin, and every plane crash since 1972. Russians are the cause of John McCain, senility, traitorism, and infiltration by the left (but I repeat myself). Russians are the cause of low toner, high transmission rates, delivery service price increases, and gaudy shirts. Russians are the cause of splinters, earth tremors, Gamma ray emission by the element Lawrencium, and the lack of hobbits in real life. Russians are the cause of Facebook monitoring, trigger happy SWAT teams, pencil-neck geeks, and the Yellowstone Caldera. Russians are the cause of Russia, France, Sweden, and Zambia. Russians are the cause of carbon buildup, broken bungee cords, bad lap dances, and a lack of friendly greetings in cities. Russians are the cause of paper cuts, whirlpools, thunder, and machine disconnects. Russians are the cause of honey badgers, rigidity, painful exercise, and linear contraction. Russians are the cause of Nancy Pelosi, botox overdoses, pure insanity, and Alzheimer's. Russians are the cause of regression analysis, micro-stamping, failed unions, and misaligned microwave towers. Russians are the cause of blurry lenses, spider bites, stains, and legless crocodiles. Russians are the cause of missing keyboard keys, unexpected phone calls, broken pottery, and squeaking doors. Russians are the cause of warning labels on appliances, erectile dysfunction, waterspouts, and potholes. Russians are the cause of canker sores, narcissistic Presidents, leaking toilets, and crack addiction. Russians are the cause of corroded pennies, locomotive derailments, internet trolls, and wardrobe failures. Russians are the cause of ADHD in the clergy, Blue Screens of Death on personal computers, the French Revolution of 1789, and thorns. Russians are the cause of bad Muppet shows, holes in circus nets, the NFL going all-queer, all-the-time, and Sandra Fluke's birth-control deficit. Russians are the cause of Israel's problems with Syria, excessive salt in the Pacific Ocean, the disappearance of Malaysian Air flight 370, and infomercials. Russians are the cause of low-calorie diet soda, smudges on the Xerox, dry technical text, and animal abuse. Russians are the cause of glass shards, bad pudding, hair cancer, and sun-dried dead worms. Russians are the cause of porcelin stains, droughts, turbulence above 10000 feet, and power brown-outs. Russians are the cause of low scores on Angry Birds, weak tea, Michael Jackson's early demise, and Micheal Jackson. Russians are the cause of bad comb-overs, Chris Matthews, alcoholism, and spittle (but I repeat myself). Russians are the cause of Russians, micturition syncope, solar eclipses, and dead lithium batteries. Russians are the cause of Quiznos spongmonkeys, badly behaved Colonels, toothaches, and the shipwreck of the Minnow. Russians are the cause of failed sitcoms, knots you cannot get undone, overly-rare hamburgers at restaurants, and Miley Cyrus. Russians are the cause of squeaking hinges, malformed carrots, bent coat hangers, and slippery decks. Russians are the cause of the 2014 Midterms, tarnished silver, wobbling fans, and tangled power cables. Russians are the cause of off-hook phones, shattered ceramics, dull scissors, and dog-eared books.
It is for all these reasons that I declare Donald Trump -- who was in no way responsible or committed any of the above -- ILLEGITIMATE. We must follow the Constitution word-for-word, and simply declare him the default loser. We can then follow the Constitutional directives on holding a new election, allowing the entirely-legitimate Barack Obama to stay in the Presidency until we can arrange to appoint Hillary Clinton, who was the rightful winner all along.
Brilliant!
I am definitelty a satisfied customer. Brilliant!!
Lol! There are dupes and dopes here that would take that serious and agree with it.
Just wondering where are all the 97, 98 & 99 members bitchin about Vanity posts are?
Do you work for the Russians?
lol!
I missed them.
Laz, you have brightened my day immeasurably. Thank you!
John Podesta’s Payoff
************
I don’t remember that being discussed ,, it deserves a thread of it’s own and should be brought to the attention of the AG in about a week.
Serves them right. After all a British Spy is the one that made that fake Dossier about Trump. Why is it no one in the press is complaining about the British spies meddling in our elections?
LOL
You missed one thing off your list, of course, FR is all Russian disinformation. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if all those donations come from Putin personally!
I understand that for Obama and Hillary, attacking the messenger is a convenient way of stifling a truthful message, but facts are facts.
And on top of all that, there's your list of the hundreds of other reasons people either voted against Hillary or didn't vote for her, none of which had anything to do with the hack.
I humbly submit that my dog Chainsaw is responsible for the missing keyboard keys. Otherwise accurate assessment.
Please pass this to the Congressional Black Caucus, the Congressional Tan Caucus, the Congressional Wymyns Caucus, the Congressional LGBTQ Caucus , the Congressional Perpetually Offended Victim Caucus, and staffs of John McCain and Linseed Graham, the Jeb Bush 2020 Campaign, the Society of ex-MI6 Fan Fiction Club., to CNN and to the editors of the WashPo and the New York Slimes.
And drop a copy in the bushes beside the Russian Embassy so they know they are EXPOSED and the next President may expand sanctions to ban Russian dressing and Stolichnaya vodka and make their UN staff pay all parking tickets amassed since 1947.
Great investigative work, Laz.
You have been one busy freeper....Great! Watch this show up as EVIDENCE against the Russians in the MSM! Talk about brilliant and clever! HOW do you do it?
LOL!
Brilliant!
5.56mm
I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!
THEY’RE the ones responsible for FreeRepublic servers bogging down!
I bet they were responsible for the Edsel and 8-track tapes, too!
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