Posted on 12/02/2016 5:32:04 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Bubba gets pulled over for speeding.
Bubba: Is there a problem, officer?
Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
Bubba: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Bubba: I would give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Bubba: Lost it four years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Bubba: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Bubba: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Bubba: Yes, and I killed the owner.
Officer: You what?
Bubba: Killed the owner, I had to self- defense otherwise he would call the police and I would be in jail.
The Officer looks at Bubba and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the car.
A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Senior Officer: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! Bubba steps out of the vehicle.
Bubba: Is there a problem sir?
Senior Officer: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and killed the owner.
Bubba: Killed the owner?
Senior Officer: Is this your car, sir?
Bubba: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Senior Officer: One of my officers claims that you don’t have a driving license.
Bubba digs into his pocket takes out his license and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Senior Officer: Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you killed the owner.
Bubba: Bet the liar told you I was speeding too.
Well if they let Pissant back; I’ll guess they’ll let anyone back.
Yeah, I notice he’s been behaving himself :-)
Indeed. And probably the same refs that stole a TD from The Texans last week in Mexico. ;o)
Top 100!
Sorry I’m late! LOL!
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they start to wonder: Could they get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they immediately ask him.
St. Peter replies, I dont know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out. He leaves.
The couple sat and waited for St. Peter to return, but he never did. 9 weeks later, and the couple were still waiting. They started to wonder, if things didnt work out, could they get a divorce in heaven? Another month later, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
Yes, he informs the couple. You can get married in Heaven.
Awesome! the couple responds enthusiastically. But we were just wondering, what if things dont work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?
St. Peters face suddenly turned red with anger. He slammed his clipboard to the ground. Frightened, the couple asked Whats wrong?
OH, COME ON! St. Peter shouted. It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long itll take me to find a lawyer?
Bison.
Much laughter ensues
Ha, that is good
President Elect Trump tells Congress Christmas will be a little different from now on.
An engineer finds himself at the Pearly Gates and is informed, much to his surprise, that he won’t be allowed in and will have to go to the other place.
Several days later God is asking St. Peter where the new engineer is. St. Peter informs him that the engineer was sent to the other place. God tells St. Peter to check because it must be a mistake. Sure enough, St. Peter comes back and admits he got the wrong name.
Sighing, God picks up the phone. “Satan? Yeah, God. Listen, it looks like we’ve had another one of our mix-ups and we sent you an enginerr by mistake. I need to ask you to send him back up.”
Satan says, “No way! I can’t tell you how happy we’ve been since that engineer got here. He’s already air-conditioned the place. He’s put in escalators to the deepest of the bottomless canyons. Right now he’s rigging up power shovels for the coal mines. You ain’t getting this guy back.”
God screams into his phone, “You’d better send him back or I’ll sue!”
“Right,” Satan replies. “And where are you gonna find a lawyer?
lol
I bought a chicken & an egg on Amazon.
Ill let you know which came first.
A young engineer is taken in the prime of his life and finds himself in Hell.
He prays for God to redeem him into heaven.
God calls the Devil and asks him to send up the engineer up to heaven, but the Devil declines.
God demands the Devil comply or else God will sue the Devil.
The Devil responds, “Oh, yeah?! where ya going to get a lawyer??”
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