***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Top 50? Maybe.

Newspaper headline: Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?" she asks.

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken, or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "Nah, still not hungry."

"Well," she said, "would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."

h/t nikos1121

If you think you're too small to make a difference, you haven't been in bed with a mosquito.....

You might think it's impossible to walk among the clouds. You'd be wrong:

Quick IQ test. Can you spot the mistake in this picture?

All my friends say that I'm a psychopath.
That's not true, I don't have any friends.

Suggested improvement: Show Trump surrounded by all the online polls he won. Won all of them AFAIK.

Mr. Branco hits another one outta the park.

He said: "What can I help you with?
She said: Take this bag of potatoes, Peel half of them and put them in the pot for me.

Q: What do Japanese men do when they have an erection?
A: They vote.

This post on the Friday Silliness thread ends with a BIG BOOM:

21 posted on 09/30/2016 7:04:22 AM PDT by upchuck (To paraphrase Yogi Berra, "No one goes to Trump rallies, you can't find a seat!" h/t Husker8877)

22 posted on 09/30/2016 7:47:58 AM PDT by dragonblustar (Deplorable Me)

What I should have said.....

23 posted on 09/30/2016 7:58:13 AM PDT by relentlessly

To: relentlessly

24 posted on 09/30/2016 8:06:29 AM PDT by Right-wing Librarian

25 posted on 09/30/2016 8:08:34 AM PDT by onona (Honey this isn't Kindergarten. We are in an all out war for the survival of our Country !)

I love the English to Spanish pie chart! So funny!!!!

26 posted on 09/30/2016 8:08:39 AM PDT by TXBlair (We will not forget Benghazi.)

27 posted on 09/30/2016 9:26:10 AM PDT by TADSLOS (Vote Trump. Defeat the Clinton Crime Syndicate. Reset America.)

28 posted on 09/30/2016 9:29:07 AM PDT by TADSLOS (Vote Trump. Defeat the Clinton Crime Syndicate. Reset America.)

To: dragonblustar

Looks like a field mod on that riding mower. I like it. I need one.

29 posted on 09/30/2016 9:29:37 AM PDT by NCC-1701 (You have your fear, which might become reality; and you have Godzilla, which IS reality.)

After months of painstaking work and tracking the Texas Ranger finally tracked the notorious bank robber, Pancho Villa, to a bar in a small town in Mexico.

He walks up to Pancho Villa with his gun drawn and says, “As a duly sworn officer of the law I’m taking you in. And I demand to know where you hid the money you stole from the South Texas Bank.”

Pancho Villa looked up from his drink and said, “Lo siento, Senor. No hablo ingles.”

The Ranger, non-plussed, looked around to see that the bartender was the only other person in the room. “Do you speak English?” he asked.

“Si, senor, I speak great good English.”

“Translate for me.”

So the bartender speaks to Pancho Villa in Spanish and listens to his response. Then he says, “Pacho Villa say he not afraid of no skinny gringo he no care how big your gun.”

The Ranger took a Polaroid out of his pocket and showed it to Pancho Villa. “That’s right, I know where your family is. If you don’t tell me where that money is right now I’ll kill you, then I’ll go kill them. Translate!”

So he heard the bartender speaking again in Spanish. And, although he couldn’t understand a word, he listened as Pancho Villa begged for the life of his family. He explained that if the ranger followed the road past the end of town and kept going straigt he’d find a small, scraggly tree. If he walked 10 paces due east of that tree he’d be at the spot where the money was buried. A short dig and he’d have it all. But when he stopped talking the bartender didn’t translate.

“Well,” the Ranger demanded, “What did he say?”

The bartender, still shaking, said, “Pacho Villa say ... he say ... He no care if you bring him photo of strangers. And you can shoot him full of holes if you want. He no tell you anything you want to know.”

30 posted on 09/30/2016 10:11:50 AM PDT by ArGee (Not voting Trump? Two words. Justice Obama.)

To: dragonblustar

Looks like one of those “you had ONE job” pictures.

31 posted on 09/30/2016 10:12:57 AM PDT by ArGee (Not voting Trump? Two words. Justice Obama.)

The Chicago Tribune editorial staff seems like they are abusing pot just like Gary Johnson, but not as bad as Dr. Howard Dean (who is acting like he is on crack) falsely accusing Trump of being on cocaine. Drugs are for dopes.

32 posted on 09/30/2016 10:38:03 AM PDT by SERKIT ("Blazing Saddles" explains it all.......)

To: Heart of Georgia

33 posted on 09/30/2016 10:38:18 AM PDT by Travis T. OJustice (<---Time Magazine's 2006 Person of the Year)

34 posted on 09/30/2016 10:42:39 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Not a Romantic, not a hero worshiper and stop trying to tug my heartstrings. It tickles!)

“’Her English is too good,’ he said, ‘which clearly indicates that she is foreign.’”

35 posted on 09/30/2016 11:10:49 AM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)

To: Harmless Teddy Bear

36 posted on 09/30/2016 12:10:15 PM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)

And although she’s been instructed by an expert dialectition and grammarian
I can tell that she was born ...
HUNGARIAN!

37 posted on 09/30/2016 1:19:20 PM PDT by ArGee (Not voting Trump? Two words. Justice Obama.)

Henry Higgens asks:

Why can't a woman be more like a man?

Mother nature answers:

Just you wait, Henry Higgens, just you wait!

38 posted on 09/30/2016 1:22:45 PM PDT by ArGee (Not voting Trump? Two words. Justice Obama.)

To: dragonblustar

39 posted on 09/30/2016 3:30:30 PM PDT by morphing libertarian (Proudly deplorable since 2016)

Isn’t saying “Black Moon” racist?

What is a “Blue Moon”?
Answer: What you get when a guy drops his pants in a snowstorm.

Marcels: Don’t hate me. I love your songs.

What is a “Moon Over Miami”?
Answer: A nude parachustist.

40 posted on 09/30/2016 6:09:43 PM PDT by MadMax, the Grinning Reaper

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794