Posted on 09/09/2016 5:37:46 PM PDT by Chickensoup
My son 21 is courting a wonderful young woman20. She is educated, motivated, traveled, religious, warm, intelligent, thoughtful and attractive.
My son likes her very much. She likes him very much.
They both are hearing family and friends tell them not to marry so early. She will have a great job with a great future. My son will have a baseline investment income and can work full or part time as the family needs.
He is disorganized and would do well yoked. She seems to enjoy his eccentricities. I am encouraging early marriage. Would like to hear Freeper opinion on early marriage in today's marriage marketplace.
I got married at 18, hubby was less than a month shy of 21 ... we’ve just recently celebrated our 38th anniversary - “young” marriage is not for everyone, but it sure worked for us (and we dealt with a LOT of naysayers who were positive we were TOO young and it would never last) — individual maturity and true understanding of what marriage is meant to be can mean a lot!
Hating what the system has become is not hating women.
Watch Divorce Corp. Sometimes women get screwed by family courts.
Family Court makes 50 billion dollars a year off people divorcing. It is a completely corrupt racket. 50 billion dollars taken away from families, and children, and transferred to judges, lawyers, and court mandated experts.
This country lets you get married literally in minutes, Las Vegas. But they screw you if you want to divorce and it has to take years? The state steals peoples money and time to split up. It is crazy.
“There are many women haters here on FR...I don’t know if they are homosexuals, or muslims, or pedophiles, or just plain old ugly lacking charm and any other redeeming qualities....
but they’re here....”
We men laugh at that americow tactic. That the best you got? Childish attempt at belittling. Now see if you can tell us how we are wrong.
The system may be broken, but we are still individuals, with free will to live as we choose, and to live UP to what we choose.
I don’t think anyone should determine how they are going to live based on ‘how the world is’. We should decide how OUR world is going to be, and make it so.
-JT
I think it’s fantastic. Love at 20 is different than love at 40. As long as their marriage is Christ centered and they pray and have someone at their church to help them through the rough spots, they should go for it. They can grow up and grow old together.
We married at 19 and 21, had two kiddos close in age and soon. But that was in the late 1950’s and everyone got married when they were young. All our friends had babies and nobody had any money so it was all okay. Never understood why people wait so long to get married and have children. Better to do it when you are young, more flexible, fewer bad habits and have more energy.
Early marriage is best. Proven over time. Grow together.
The older you get, the more you are set in your ways, you ar more used to having YOUR way (don’t work in marriage) and being self-centered, and the harder it is to adjust to another person’s ways.
God made us to marry young - when the hormones are flaming. The sexual oneness is meant to be a glue that holds you together - and it usually works. Of course, in today’s world of “do your own thing”, easy divorce, etc. there are those with whom it won’t work.
BTW, from 22 - early 30’s, I worked with and counseled college students. Didn’t marry until almost 28 myself - mainly because I wasn’t ready - was way too selfish.....married now for 43 years, 8 kids......
People do that and their world gets destroyed because the other person decides they don’t want to be in that world anymore, despite taking vows that last until death.
If marriage should mean something, make the vows legally binding. Get rid of no fault divorce. Bring back fault divorce, for adultery, or abandonment, insanity, or actual physical abuse. Make it so child support can only go for children’s actual needs, not for anything else.
I’d love to make marriage stronger.
If you all dated for 14 years and you never married her, she should have dumped you at least 6 years before she did.
You are encouraging an almost certain disaster (divorce) which may or may not include children.
I do admire and respect your candidness, which provokes my answer.
Hope springs eternal. I also failed an early marriage and speak from experience.
That "he would do well yoked," is the fatal flaw in the presentation; it suggest your son needs a new mother, rather than a wife.
Until he achieves maturity, "fail" is the only future he can expect from marriage at any age.
I understand your point. But I still think that an honest person, entering into a vow instigated by Love, and living by it with Love, will come out well in the end - in terms of personal growth and spiritual development - no matter that the other person goes ‘off the rails’.
“Law” doesn’t make a marriage, and neither do the ceremonies and approvals of priest, rabbi, etc; and Law nor ceremony can keep it together.
Would you want to have somebody ‘stuck’ to you legally or religiously, who obviously doesn’t love or want you anymore, and doesn’t treat you with respect?
Only love, respect, devotion, make a marriage. Nobody can ‘destroy your world’, if YOU live by love, respect and devotion. They may cause you difficulty for a time, but in the end you will move on and find new life - if you stick to your ideals, and learn from your experiences.
The reason marriage has fallen apart in recent decades, is because PEOPLE have “fallen apart”, in their principles and ideals. But nobody is stuck with that. We make new decisions and goals every day.
-JT
We all wish that were universally the case. Today, that would the rare exception.
Unfortunately, in the present societal state (as opposed to 1949 or 1959) that has become almost impossible; Drugs, music, the internet and decadent TV programming makes early marriage failure virtually inescapable.
I think we have both explained our positions in detail.
Have a good night.
-JT
You as well.
And if you have time, seriously, watch Divorce Corp. It is a real eye opener. You can find it free on the internet. I think youtube still has a copy, or the free part of hulu. Viewster does under its documentaries area.
I don’t want to seem harsh, but what my opinion or your opinion might be is irrelevant.
When my wife and I decided to get married (@25) no one could have changed my mind. To this day, it was the best decision of my life.
I have to tell you that I had a friend get married right out high school, and they had two babies. She was 38, and pretty much done with raising kids. I was so jealous of their life—and everyone said they were crazy. They have a ball with their grandkids now. So, that part of it is good.
Married at 18. 38 years and counting.
“Both of my grandmothers were married by 14.”
That’s awful young to be grandparents...
Sorry. :)
LOL
Indeed it is!!!
Good point. I agree.
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