Posted on 08/26/2016 6:09:28 PM PDT by Lazamataz
For about a decade and a half, I have heard horror stories of Indian IT outsourcing. I have not seen the horror stories become realized -- for the most part, the crap you get out of Indian offshore IT is, well, crap.
It is not crap because of their skill, in some cases. I have found that while 65% of Indian IT 'professionals' overstate their skill, the remaining 35% can do the job.
The issue is the cultural differences. In the case of most Indians, some 90%, they will do EXACTLY as you ask. And that is their downfall.
Americans are willing to challenge a boss's premises. Indians are not. They will deliver exactly what is asked for, and Americans will -- generally -- find a better, more efficient way to do things. I will give you a personal example:
I was tasked with replicating a credit-card payment data flow, to duplicate the entire flow, except at the end. At the end, thing A had to happen instead of thing B. My boss was an Indian, and asked me to replicate the entire flow with the minor difference at the end.
I was given a week to accomplish my task. I returned in 30 minutes. "I'm done," I said.
"No, you can't be. Come back to me when you are done."
"I'm done. Here's the output. I put a switch on the final SQL procedure for the different final behavior."
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But this essay is not about that. This essay is about Indian recruiters. These people are a scourge. They are a plague.
I intend to stay in Atlanta, GA, but I have had many Indian recruiters contact me about -- for example -- a two month position in Benoit, Wisconson. What the FREEP.
I even put the directive IN MY LAST NAME in the job boards.
I used to be Laz A. Mataz, but I changed my name to Laz A. Mataz (NO RELOCATION! ATLANTA OPPORTUNITIES ONLY!).
They still cannot see it.
So, here is a homage to the evil, horrible Indian recruiters that now flood the recruiting market.
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Typical conversation with an Indian recruiter:
I.R.: Ello this is Ganesh Gupta calling you from A.I.T.R. (Annoying I.T.Recruiters). How are you doing today?
Me: I’m ok. How are you.
I.R.: Fine, thanks for asking. Yes I have a position for you. Are you interested?
Me: It depends.
I.R.: Ello?
For some reason the say ‘hello’ when they mean any number of other things besides hello including: ‘what?’ or ‘would you please clarify?’ or ‘can you hear me?’ I like pretending they mean ‘hello’ as in the greeting.
Me: Hello
I return the ‘greeting’ and they think I can’t hear them or don’t understand what they’re saying.
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Hello
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Hello
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Hello
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Hello
This has actually gone on much longer than this. The passive aggression can be quite satisfying. Eventually I’ll give in and get the conversation back on track by letting them know I can hear them.
I.R.: Yes I have a position for you. Are you interested?
Me: It depends.
I.R.: It depends?
Me: That’s what I said.
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Where is it located?
I.R.: You live in Atlanta, Georg-YEE-yah?
(Indian recruiters CANNOT pronounce Georgia. It's pronounced Georg-ja. They ALWAYS pronounce it Georg-YEE-yah.)
Me: Where…is…the…position…located?
I.R.: Yes the position is located in b..boom foc, Wyoming.
Me: I think it’s pronounced ‘Bum F**k’.
I.R.: Oh sorry yes. Are you interested?
Me: No. I only want to stay in Atlanta, Georgia.
I.R.: You want to stay in Atlanta, Georg-YEE-yah?
Me: Yes.
I.R.: But this is in Boom-foc Wyoming.
Me: I know. But I want to stay in Atlanta, Georgia.
I.R.: This pays very well.
Me: How much does it pay?
I.R.: What is the lowest rate will you accept?
Me: What is the highest rate you are willing to pay?
I.R.: What is the lowest rate will you accept?
Me: What is the highest rate you are willing to pay?
I.R.: What is the lowest rate will you accept?
Me: One million dollars per hour.
I.R.: Ha, ha, oh no. I am sorry the most we can pay you is dollar forty per hour.
Me: One dollar and forty cents per hour?
I.R.: Yes.
Me: One dollar and forty cents per hour?
I.R.: Yes.
Me: I think you mean forty U.S. dollars per hour.
I.R.: Yes.
This is significantly less than I can make anywhere in the U.S. It’s not uncommon for them to say the word ‘dollar’ when they mean that the amount is in U.S. dollars…not rupees.
Me: Is this on a W-2, 1099 or corp-to-corp basis?
I.R.: Yes.
Me: I’m asking you a question. Is the rate on a W-2, 1099 or corp-to-corp basis?
I.R.: Yes.
Me: What is the duration of this project?
I.R.: Ello?
Me: What is the duration of this project?
I.R.: This position is two months.
Me: What is the job title?
I.R.: JAVA developer.
Me: I’m not interested.
I.R.: You are not interested?
Me: I’m not interested because I’m not a JAVA developer. I design and build C#, MVC, and SQL systems. I’m not interested in relocating to Bum F**k, Wyoming. The rate is too low. The duration is too short.
I.R.: We can pay dollar forty-two per hour.
Me: I’m still not interested.
I.R.: Is the location of Boom-foc, Wyoming ok?
Me: No.
I.R.: It is not ok?
Me: That’s what I said.
I.R.: But the position is two months.
Me: Two months is too short.
I.R.: Two months is too short?
Me: That’s what I said. Also I’m not a JAVA developer.
I.R.: You are not a JAVA developer?
Me: That’s what I said.
I.R.: We can go as high as dollar forty-three an hour.
Me: I'm making sixty an hour.
I.R.: Dollar forty three is a great rate.
Me: I'm making sixty an hour.
I.R.: Dollar forty four, I can do. I will contact my manager first.
Me: I'm making sixty an hour.
I.R.: The highest I can do is dollar forty four. Can you do this corp-to-corp? When can you report to work?
Me: (click)
Hey, I live in Boomfoque, WY.
Why are you dissing the place? ;)
Listen, if you don’t understand dependency injection and why it is good to use a quality IoC to stub and mock during TDD, then you don’t understand why interfaces and the Strategy design pattern is better than Abstract Classes when using multiple interface inheritance.
I’ve been with Injuns who were a lot harder to get along with than the place where I am now. The two-level management system especially stinks. Maybe it was just because of this, that Jesus warned us that we can’t serve two masters (well that was a joke, of course it was for more, but still it’s oh so achingly true).
Funny but ,true
They just press the reset button on their foreheads when they hear no.
Nossir. You DO need to discriminate and use tech to winnow out the chaff from the wheat, though.
The two successful techniques I have used are:
A) If you have an indian accent on the phone with me, I say "I have already accepted a position and am off the market." They say goodbye and get off the phone fast.
B) If you send me an email and disregard my requirements, your entire company is put into my Yahoo mail ban filter. (Settings: Ban Addresses).
These two techniques make it so that the American firms now can contact me, and the SPAM is gone.
Call 1-800-MY-CURRY
Especially is this true if his name is Peggy.
That made me laugh out loud. LOL
Phone screening systems help. I don’t know if you are an enemy-of-Google but their Google Voice was quite helpful in a situation like this. They could start leaving their message and then if I liked what I started to hear, I mashed 1 and was connected in. If I heard a lot of possible B.S. I just let the voicemail take it.
Exactly.
BOOP!
Nah. Peggy is in Russia. I’m talking Indians. :)
Suprisingly, Russian developers are actually very good. I have a peer, Olecks (Alex in English) who is top-of-the-line.
LOL
Hope to BOOP you in October.
Provided the job thing settles down and I got money to do it, I will.
>>The issue is the cultural differences. In the case of most Indians, some 90%, they will do EXACTLY as you ask. And that is their downfall.<<
It is crap b/c they work a lot but they are LAZY. One simple RL example (and I have worked in IT for over 35 years, the last 20 or so in consulting): Program A works produces a nifty report. Client wants a new subtotal but also wants original report.
Obvious (and only correct) Solution: Add a parameter to run old way or new way.
Indian solution: Copy program A and change to add new subtotal.
In this case, repeat Indian solution 6 TIMES!!
Obvious problem occurs: Bug in program A. Indian solution requires fixing program A and B and C all the way through F. And the fix IS NOT THE SAME CODE even though the fix is identical!!
Multiply be every Indian developer on Earth and scale to really complex modules (where you will see code repeated over and over rather than capsulized and called) and you begin to see the ocean of crap that enterprises have gotten (since QC never actually does anything other than deal with appearances).
BTW: I worked with Chinese developers and never saw the level of crap I always saw with Indians. Always. Every time.
I hope you do, too! Get out there and beat the pavement! We need ya here! :)
The Indians that do customer service for American Express are unbelievably and consistently excellent at their jobs.
All of the other Indians, Filipinos, etc that other companies use are retarded.
There is no reason these jobs can’t be done by US citizen stay at home moms, college students, welfare recipients, etc.
Time to bring these jobs back to America
You, sir, clearly have experience. Chinese aren’t too bad, neither are Russians.
Indians are the worst (well, 90% of them. The 10% that are good are AMAZING good).
Glad to hear the Indians are doing Amex right.
Sorry Laz, I realize I just repeated your example.
Can I talk about hard coding? As in: How do you determine if an account is an asset?
Correct Solution: Look at account attribute (OMG, external lookup table maybe!).
Indian solution: Look for a “1” in column 2 of the account number (since that is what they “usually do.”)
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