Posted on 07/22/2016 6:37:43 PM PDT by xzins
What's it like to fire a Daisy BB gun? It's an experience I'll never forget. Everybody knows BB guns are scary looking and ought to be banned, but I thought I would try to shoot one without any preconceived notions. What I encountered changed me forever.
I took a deep breath and determined to enter a Wal-Mart. A "greeter" met me with, "Howdy, welcome to Wal-Mart." I'm from the north. We don't say "Howdy". I sneer back at the microaggression and strain to hold back tears of rage. Barely controlling myself, I asked where I could find a BB gun. He directed me to "sporting goods," still smiling and gloating over his slyly delivered offense.
I go to the "sporting goods" section, a perfect charnel house where implements of sulfur, death, and destruction are openly and brazenly sold. I notice a BB gun just lying on a shelf. I reach for it as if it was a poisonous snake, wondering if it will go off when I pull it off the shelf. That's right, a shelf. Where anybody could get it.
I go to the counter and the death merchant asks me if I wanted BBs to go with it. He even had the audacity to offer me "Copperhead" brand BBs! How could this inbred hick not know that I see a therapist twice a week to treat my herpephobia?
I buy the gun and the recommended BBs. I'm dizzy going out to the parking lot. A passing stranger, attired in a camouflage assault t-shirt, asks, "Sir, you okay?" "How dare you assume my gender!" I shout back. "Sorry, just checkin'," he said as if my health was any of his business. But the worst was yet to come.
I went to a wooded area to fire the BB gun, a Daisy 509 Buck, probably made by Bushmaster. I bruised my knuckles operating the cocking lever. Taking aim, I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth, and pulled the trigger. The sound of the spring loaded plunger going "boing" startled me. I became disoriented watching the BB arc towards its target. The "dink!" sound it made bouncing off a coke can was horribly loud. The recoil was horrendous, like a bazooka or some other recoilless weapon, and it dislocated my shoulder. I vomited and cried. I still have PTSD. Anxiety. Irritability. Nightmares. I may never again be the same.
But enough about me, at least for now. Worst of all, these weapons of mass destruction are available to the general public. It's time we stopped listening to the paid lobbyists of the National BB Gun Association who assure us that BB guns are hardly ever used in the commission of a crime. They scare me, they should scare you, and they ought to be banned.
I was at the basketball courts on the base, and I was climbing up one of the angled backboard poles, hanging upside down like a sloth, and my older brother, who had borrowed a BB gun from a friend, walked over, pressed the barrel into my right butt-cheek, and pulled the trigger.
Now, I was wearing blue jeans, but it felt like someone put out a cigar on my ass! I fell to the ground, my fingers turning white as squeezed my butt as hard as I could.
I don’t care who you are, that hurts!!
Really? How do you know?
OK. The piece was satire and your comment was sarcasm. How am I doing?
I would invite you over to my house and offer you a job, but this is D.C. and I am guessing that the entire forensics capabilities of the FBI, NSA, CIA, and ATF would be devoted to figuring out who shot out the damn street-light outside our bedroom.
At 8 years old when my dad gave me my first Daisy BB gun I can’t begin to tell everyone how happy I was.
Now that I think back on it I can’t believe why both he and I weren’t belittled, persecuted or even arrested because the magazine of that lever action assault rifle held well over a hundred rounds of ammunition.
Shooting in the dark. LOL!
BB bouncing off of a beer can PING!
There are several kids a year killed by pellet rifles. Most are accidents but some are done on purpose.
A little girl near me got shot in the heart around 2 years ago. She fortunately survived but it was touch and go for several days.
“You’ll blow you head off kid!”
Geez - I had one of them when I was a kid sixty plus years ago - used to try to shoot birds with it - until one day when I actually hit a bird and felt so sorry for the poor dead thing that I never shot it again.....
When I was young my mom told me mayonnaise could kill me on a hot day.. but she never told me how. So.. mid July there I sat just staring at the fridge.. waiting..
Cool! Well maybe cold also.
This appears to be a lampoon of an article about firing an AR15, written by someone who really was a little "light in the loafers".
Priceless.
But, you know..
I read an article in the newspaper many years ago saying that mayonnaise had gotten a bad rap and since it contained vinegar it was good about not spoiling.
Whoever wrote that article should have been forced to eat old mayonnaise. I had some which had been in the refrigerator for maybe 6 months and made a sandwich. I remember thinking it tasted a little off but remembered about it not spoiling.
The next day I had case of diarrhea. Not really bad but still the only time in several years. I got out that jar of Kraft Mayonnaise and sure enough, it smelled just a little bit spoiled. I called Kraft and they didn’t even send me a replacement coupon. Now I will not buy theirs or Heinze since they are the same company.
Extreme satire.
... After gearing up with all of the appropriate safety and tactical shooting gear I proceeded to squeeze lightly on the trigger and the resulting pop of firepower is humbling and frightening (even with my specialized ear protection).
..... The recoil of the BB gun bruised my shoulder, which can happen if you don't really know what you're doing. I was sweating profusely ..... the BB's disoriented me as they flew out of the barrel. The loud cracks as the BB's were shot — loud like a firecracker — gave me a temporary form of PTSD. For at least an hour after firing the gun just a few times, I was anxious and irritable.
.... I think I shall now have to get serious professional counseling for my PTSD and erectile dysfunction caused by the ordeal. It is covered under Obamacare right?
..... The End .....
Fix that by taking him shooting yourself.
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