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I Will Always Remember Where I Was When Cecil The Lion Was Killed (Satire)
Duffleblog ^ | 8/3/2015 | Mohammed

Posted on 08/03/2015 11:15:33 AM PDT by Gamecock

The following is an op-ed written by “Mohammed,” a Syrian War Refugee.

I am sorry it is taking me so long to post my outrage over Cecil the Lion. My village has been without electricity for the last week after the Americans bombed our power plant. I had to walk for two days — hiding from ISIS along the way — before I found this Internet cafe. But my anger over the death of Cecil is still hot as the desert sands.

I remember exactly what I was doing when I heard what had happened.

It started off as a normal day for my town, with the Syrian Air Force dropping barrel bombs on several neighborhoods and a local school. As I dug the bodies of several women out of the rubble, one of the other rescue workers asked if I’d heard that Cecil the Lion was killed.

I froze in shock, dropping part of what I assume was once a human arm on the ground. “Not Cecil the Lion!” I exclaimed. “Not him! Truly, is there no innocence left in this world?” I cried harder than when we discovered my brother was gay and ISIS forced us to throw him off a building.

The rest of the day was a numb blur: watching my neighbor getting beheaded by Sharia enforcers, foraging for food in bombed-out buildings, burying my daughter after she died of cholera, and registering my outrage that rich Americans can fly anywhere in the world and kill whatever they want.

My entire family — the ones not gassed to death — are also in shock. My sister was beside herself with tears from the acid that was flung in her face, but I am sure her tears were meant for poor, majestic Cecil.

It is times like this I thank Allah that my wife was kidnapped into sexual slavery last year and was spared the horror of learning what happened to this beautiful and majestic creature.

I often wonder what is wrong with America. You do not hear stories like this in Syria, partly because we already killed all our lions but also because we killed all our dentists.

The hardest part was explaining to my eldest son why Cecil was killed. He asked if Cecil was a Kurd or a Christian, and I said no, sometimes people and animals are killed for totally unjustifiable reasons.

I must go now. The Shabiha have surrounded the building to either press gang us into the Army or execute us. No matter. If we die, we die knowing that the infidel dentist has been appropriately punished on Facebook.

Hopefully I will see Cecil in the afterlife, along with my grandparents who were murdered at the massacre in Hama.

Hail Cecil!


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: cecilthelion
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1 posted on 08/03/2015 11:15:33 AM PDT by Gamecock
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To: Gamecock

I thought Cecil was a Seasick Sea Serpent?


2 posted on 08/03/2015 11:17:57 AM PDT by Dr. Bogus Pachysandra (Don't touch that thing Don't let anybody touch that thing!I'm a Doctor and I won't touch that thing!)
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To: Gamecock
lol

He asked if Cecil was a Kurd or a Christian, and I said no, sometimes people and animals are killed for totally unjustifiable reasons.

I bet that was said a lot on DU

3 posted on 08/03/2015 11:18:47 AM PDT by GeronL
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To: Dr. Bogus Pachysandra

Is Beanie OK? I hope so.


4 posted on 08/03/2015 11:20:16 AM PDT by showme_the_Glory ((ILLEGAL: prohibited by law. ALIEN: Owing political allegiance to another country or government))
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To: Gamecock

I was playing on the playground when a teacher ran out, hysterical, and a plane was skywriting, “Cecil is Dead”.


5 posted on 08/03/2015 11:20:34 AM PDT by tumblindice (America's founding fathers: all armed conservatives.)
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To: Dr. Bogus Pachysandra

[ I thought Cecil was a Seasick Sea Serpent? ]

Only in Larry Niven’s Mind.


6 posted on 08/03/2015 11:25:52 AM PDT by GraceG (Protect the Border from Illegal Aliens, Don't Protect Illegal Alien Boarders...)
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To: GeronL

I bet it was!


7 posted on 08/03/2015 11:26:35 AM PDT by sauropod (I am His and He is mine.)
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To: Gamecock

VERY funny-—thanks for posting it.

.


8 posted on 08/03/2015 11:28:22 AM PDT by Mears
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To: Gamecock

It stikll must chap the hides of the Dims that their mascot animal is the common not-endangered Donkey and that the Republicans have the endangered Elephant and RINO as their party mascots....

Well maybe not the RINO, because half the Dims have the RINO as their mascot animal, just ask the leadership of the house and senate...


9 posted on 08/03/2015 11:31:57 AM PDT by GraceG (Protect the Border from Illegal Aliens, Don't Protect Illegal Alien Boarders...)
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To: Mears

The only thing missing is a mention of Planned Parenthood. Guess PP is too gruesome even for ISIS.


10 posted on 08/03/2015 11:33:15 AM PDT by NewHampshireDuo
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To: Gamecock

Bookmark


11 posted on 08/03/2015 11:34:51 AM PDT by aquila48
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To: Gamecock
Cecil's last meal was unavailable for comment.


12 posted on 08/03/2015 11:35:38 AM PDT by McGruff (Eat a snickers...)
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To: Gamecock
Magnificent!

It's a shame we have to mark these as satire as truly good satire should not need to be pre-announced as such.

13 posted on 08/03/2015 11:36:31 AM PDT by SamAdams76
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To: Gamecock

Now it’s really gotten bad.

Another group has come forward claiming there was another hunter on a grassy knoll nearby. Hope someone had a camera running.


14 posted on 08/03/2015 11:37:06 AM PDT by I cannot think of a name
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To: McGruff

15 posted on 08/03/2015 11:38:55 AM PDT by SamAdams76
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To: Gamecock

bump


16 posted on 08/03/2015 11:40:47 AM PDT by Skooz (Gabba Gabba we accept you we accept you one of us Gabba Gabba we accept you we accept you one of us)
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To: Gamecock

Cecil was a Homophobic Bullying Alpha Male with no respect for his baby mamas, no respect for his offspring that he refused to assist raising.


17 posted on 08/03/2015 11:43:14 AM PDT by TexasCajun ( “A liberal is someone who thinks he knows more about your experience than you do.“)
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To: Gamecock

I posted this to my Facebook page. Looking forward to the reaction I will likely get. LOL!


18 posted on 08/03/2015 12:07:39 PM PDT by cld51860 (Volo pro veritas)
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To: showme_the_Glory

Stan Freberg did the voice of Cecil!


19 posted on 08/03/2015 12:08:47 PM PDT by Dr. Bogus Pachysandra (Don't touch that thing Don't let anybody touch that thing!I'm a Doctor and I won't touch that thing!)
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To: SamAdams76

Having to self identify does ruin the whole point of satire, doesn’t it?


20 posted on 08/03/2015 12:10:11 PM PDT by Gamecock (Many Atheists: "There is no God and I hate Him!")
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