Posted on 01/09/2015 4:40:53 AM PST by Lucky9teen
I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business and patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic. A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims shouting Anti-American slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself:
"Man.... that coulda been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
Muhammad was not born gay. He was sucked into it.
Um....contradict much?
A young Arab asks his father, “What is this weird hat that we are wearing ?”
“It’s a ‘chechia’ because, in the desert, it protects our heads from the sun.”
“And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?”
“It’s a ‘djbellah’ because, in the desert, it is very hot and it protects your body”
“And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet ?”
“These are ‘babouches’, which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert”
“Tell me, Papa…”
“Yes, my son ?”
“Why are we living in Melbourne and still wearing all this crap?”
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.
Let’s see now…
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No Nude Women/Men
No car races
No football
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No lobster
No nachos
No Beer nuts
No Beer
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy next door because he’s sick and there are no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
More than one wife.
You can’t shave.
Your wives can’t shave.
You can’t shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!
No mystery here.
Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.
They’re calling it ‘Islam’.
A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London.
He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching,
he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music,
especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.
The Arab Muslim asked him, “What are you doing?
The cabbie answered, “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so screw off and wait for a camel!”
Trust me, you DON”T want her number.
COPPER COATED MICROCHIP IMPLANT ALLOWS TERRORISTS TO SPEAK TO GOD
The implant is specifically designed to be injected in the forehead.
When properly installed, it will instantly allow the terrorist to speak to God.
It comes in various sizes: Generally from .223 to ..50 cal.
The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly skilled technician, who will also make the injection.
No Anesthetic is required.
The implant is likely to be painless. Side effects, like headaches, nausea, aches or pains are extremely temporary.
Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site. In most cases, you won’t even notice it
Congratulations!
Does that include lemonade?
I doubt it’s God they’ll be speaking to with this device...more like someone of a much more sinister nature, me thinks. ;P
So they will speak to "Allah".
FMCDH(BITS)
Holy Cow !
Exactly.
One day, Hette approaches her Rabbi after the service and says to him, “Rabbi, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”
“What do they say?” the Rabbi asks.
“They only know how to say, ‘Hello, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?’”
“Why, that’s terrible!” the Rabbi says, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house tomorrow and I will put them with my two male talking parrots that I taught to pray and read Hebrew. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”
“Oh thank you, Rabbi,” Hette replies.
The next day Hette brings her female parrots to the Rabbi’s house. His two male parrots are wearing tiny yarmulkes and praying in their cage. Hette puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, “Hello, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?”
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put away the Siddurs! Our prayers have been answered!”
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