Posted on 11/07/2014 4:45:27 AM PST by Lucky9teen
CLICK ose?to=Lucky9teen" target="g" title="OFST Thread">HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST
Long-time FreePer, 1st time in before 10.
Good Morning!
Oooo...Top 5! LOL!
Gotta get up early !!
Top Ten!
Nicely done Lucky. It is a happy Friday.
Top 15!
Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.
Cooter arrived first. When the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over. The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, Nope, ain't Stanley.
The mortician thought this was rather strange, so he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over. The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, No, it ain't Stanley.
The mortician asked, How can you tell? Gomer said, Well, Stanley had two ass-holes.
What! He had two ass-holes? asked the mortician.
Yup," said Gomer, "we never seen 'em, but everybody says, 'There's Stanley with them two ass-holes.'
Cooter and Gomer are both now employed in the Obama administration. Gomer works the Cincinnati IRS office and Cooter works in the Civil Rights division of the Just-us Department.
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score..."
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score." Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally sh!ts in the bed.
The wife says, "What was that?"
The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."
And they say blondes are dumb...
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
She replied, "Probably that I married you for your money."
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger. Whoosh Immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.
Top 20?
Top 15. Woohoo.
Top 1,000!
A couple of 90 year-olds were in court petitioning for a divorce. They had been married over 70 years.
The judge shakes his head and says, “I’ll certainly grant your divorce, but I have to ask - since you two have been together so long, why even bother with a divorce. What on earth could’ve happened to make you want to get a divorce now?”
They said “We wanted to wait until the children were dead.”
top twenty!!
Wow! You are a long time freeper!
IN!!!
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