Posted on 07/18/2014 5:26:53 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
During a World Economic Summit, Barack Obama, Mexican President Felipe Calderón, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, and French President Nicolas Sarkozy are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train. As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued.
Barack Obama says, "This is a fine bottle of wine Nicolas".
Upon hearing this, President Nicolas Sarkozy throws out a case of France's finest wine and says, "In France, fine wine is bountiful and plenty!"
Not to be outdone by Vladimir Putin, who then throws out two cases of Russia's finest Vodka, "In Russia, premier vodka spirits flow like the Volga River".
President Obama not wanting to seem weak, thinks for a moment, looks at Mexican president Felipe Calderón, and throws him out the window.
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal immigrant in the bushes right by the border fence in Texas, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."
The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence."
The Mexican, of course, agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are Green, Pink and Yellow.......Now use all them in 1 sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok...... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?" 
A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ." 
The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America !
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East . I am not American."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"
She says, "No, I am from Africa ."
Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work.."
3 boys were fishing on the Potomac river. 0 was jogging by, slipped, and fell in the river. The boys pulled him out.
0 said, “You boys name anything you want.”
The first said, “Season tickets to Yankees games.”
0 says, “You got it”.
The second says, “Trip to Disneyland for me and my family.”
0 says, “You got it”.
The third says, “A motorized wheel chair.”
0 says, “Why would a healthy young man want a wheel chair?”
“When my dad finds out I pulled you out, I’m gonna need it.”
I love Weird Al, but these days he releases a new song parody and chances are good I’ve never heard the original.
Two weeks in a row: Top SOMETHING!
FMCDH(BITS)
FMCDH(BITS)
Gramps has got himself some twerking moves!! That’s awesome!!
Loved the guy in the Racal suit!
Dear Mr. Obama:
I’m planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me.
We’re planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we’ll need your help to make a few arrangements.
We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.
I’m sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, the President of Mexico , that I’m on my way over?
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking Government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. Please print all Mexican Government forms in English.
4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.
5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.
7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver’s license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but I don’t plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won’t make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my housetop, put U.S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.
14. I want to receive free food stamps.
15. Naturally, I’ll expect free rent subsidies.
16. I’ll need income tax credits so that although I don’t pay Mexican taxes, I’ll receive money from the government.
17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Government pays $4,500.00 to help me buy a new car.
18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I’ll get a monthly income in retirement.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all of his people who walk over to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that the President of Mexico won’t mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.
Do you see how stupid this looks when you put it in writing????
Logic is dead.
Excellence is punished.
Mediocrity is rewarded.
And dependency is to be revered.
This is present day America.
When people rob banks they go to prison.
When they rob the taxpayer they get re-elected.
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is much smarter than any cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON, and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the cop’s expense!
Irish cop says, “License and registration, please.”
London Lawyer says, “What for?”
Irish cop says, “Ye didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”
London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”
Irish cop says, “Ye still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please, sir.”
London Lawyer says, “What’s the bloody difference?”
Irish cop says, “The difference is, the sign says stop, not slow down, so, ye havte come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”
London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”
Irish cop says, “Sounds fair enough, please exit your vehicle, sir.”
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shit out of the lawyer and says, “Now, ye English arsehole, do ye want me to stop, completely, or just fookin slow down?”
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