Posted on 07/04/2014 9:02:19 PM PDT by proud American in Canada
Hi all,
I never, NEVER, thought I'd post this here. But at this point, I have no one to turn to.
I'm a 51 year-old housewife/reporter and photographer who tries to make money doing proofreading, editing, writing,taking pictures, and oh, yes, selling ads for a phone book belonging to a dear friend of mine who was on Gatineau's city council (that's how I met him; we broke a lot of stories here).
I need to make a profile on FR; it would save a lot of time. :)
Long story short. I grew up in Des Plaines, IL, met my French Canadian husband about 20 + years ago; we moved to Denver and had a son and daughter there. Thank God they were born on American soil! :)
About 15 years ago, my husband got a job offer and we had to move north. I felt like he'd punched me in the stomach; I couldn't breathe. I fell into a depression after moving the kids, by myself, driving all those miles (my husband had already bought a home and begun work with the government up here).
A year after we moved, 9/11 happened...and even though I was far away, I felt even more depressed, probably because I was separated from the country I love and knew was hurting, but I couldn't do anything. Thanks to FR, I sent care packages to the troops...
Anyway. Fast forward to today. I began drinking hard, and now, it seriously imperiled my health. I have to stop, and I do, for periods of time, but then... something happens and I fall back into old habits.
Example. I`ve never had a D.U.I. (I never drink and drive), but I lost my drivers license at the hospital because my brain chemicals were out of whack (too much ammonia?). I'm on lactylose.
Last weekend, a long weekend here because of Canada Day, I had a lot of errands to do with the car, so I needed hubby to drive me around.
Things were okay... until at some point, he kept being so sarcastic, so .... fake ... he kept saying, "where should we go right now? Please, let me help you!" (fake, fake, fake). I started to cry in the car. He'd beaten me down after two days of me asking him to drive me here and there to help my (Gatineau city) councillor friend make money...
I cried and gave up, and bought some booze at the grocery store, while he bought "make your own pizza" fixings...I had said, "we can get all of that at Walmart.." (where they don't sell alcohol). Instead, he chose a grocery where they sell alcohol the one thing I didnt want him to do).
Long story short, I feel like I'm pushing up the proverbial rock while my husband is kicking it, hard, back into my face.... all while doing that in front of our kids so that they have no respect for me. btw, when I don`t drink, we have the same fights... just not as emotional on my side. What do I do? How do you deal with trying to fix yourself when everyone seems to be aligned against you? Any advice would be appreciated. And I feel so embarrassed to reach out like this, but Im at my wits end. My husband seems closer to our daughter than he does to me, and it hurts. Julie
I don’t know what to tell you, except that one of my sisters died in April after either falling or being pushed off of a train overpass. She was drunk. She left her husband, children, first grandchild and her siblings.
Her immediate family knew that she had a serious drinking problem, but we were told that she had a stroke. I wish that we had known the truth.
Not only is alcohol hard on the body, it can result in death in other ways. Take care of yourself, friend, and please keep in touch. I will pray for you.
Make sure you get three good meals a day. Sometimes people forget to eat and go for the alcohol.
I think you have gotten some good advice here along with some snarks. Ignore the snarks and the best of luck to you.
Louis Foxwell is right.
You have to decide if you want to drink yourself to death, or if you want to quit.
AA works. I know it does.
But you have to want to quit, and you have to work at it.
You have to go to meetings and make not drinking as much a part of who you are as drinking has been for you.
You will be amazed at the fineness of life when you are sober. It won’t be perfect, won’t always be easy. But it is way, way, way, way better.
Don’t think about your husband’s reactions right now, and your family’s reaction, all of that. You need to stop drinking, first and foremost, in order to survive.
If you are someone who thinks she can do it alone, or do it later, or only drink part-time...then you are lost.
You will die a lonely frightened drunk.
I will end by saying that posts on a website, while perhaps offering some good advice, just won’t get it done either.
You have to want to quit. And you have to work at it.
.....”Maybe hes tired of living with an alcoholic. I did it for 6 years and I had to retire from it. Its exhausting.”.....
I’ve often believed it’s harder for family members than it is the alcoholic. I work with a bright young gal with two children who finally left her husband because her daughters had become toddlers and she could see they were being affected by his behavior. Today she has remarried to a wonderful man who loves these little gals like his own. Meanwhile the father remains an alcoholic.
Sometimes no matter what a family member does...it will never change the alcoholic....they have no other choice but to remove themselves from the situation altogether.
For me, even though I had been in church and was very active, I got no power to help me. On reflection over the years, I can see that was my own fault.
However, in the AA fellowship, I found my first power greater than myself; that being the AA group I was meeting with.
The recovery threads here always bring out those who will attack the seeker as well as attack AA. The less said about that the better. Find what you need and ignore the rest (including me.)
Agreed. If you can get Ibogaine, that would be the way to go.
You are not helping our FRiend
Probably killed off the temptation pretty quickly
The only reason I ever had to actually want to drink is because the people who were drinking seemed to be having more fun than I was.
I think my father had the same problem that I did. He rarely drank anything but when he did I can remember how sick he was. Mother, east Texas Baptist raised, never drank EVER. :)
8 1/2 years sober next month. AA quite literally saved my life. You may always FReep Mail me with any questions you don't wish to publicly post.
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
AA......90 meetings in 90 days.....
AA immedizately, like right now.
Sponsor immediately.
Inpatient treatment, this week.
Or a good intensive outpatient program.
Ask hubby for forgivenss, it can’t be fun watching you get sloshed.
There are meds that can help if your dr recommends them, Naltrexone, Anabuse...
Sometimes a good antidepressant can help.
But it is mostly what AA teaches, which is that you are powerless to control alcohol and it controls you, and that you need help in fighting it, and that you need to take a realistic look at who you are and what you have become.
Look for a Celebrate Recovery Group. CR is AA12 steps with Bible Based help. CR is associated with Community Churches. It worked for me- you need Jesus in your heart.
Thank you for admitting your problem - Your at Step 1 - keep going - may God Bless you.
If you are taking lactulose, you have been drinking heavily and your liver is failing. This is not a lifestyle change here. You are going to die if you continue to drink.
I would start with AA and inpatient.
That was a graceful response to a coarse posting.
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