I’ve seen several FReepers here announce that they are out of work and looking again. I’m hoping this will provide some assistance.
If you’re asked what is 1+1 your answer should be “whatever you want it to be”
>>3. What’s your greatest weakness?<<
As an interviewer, I got tired of asking this question relatively quickly, since most people expect it and have canned responses (”I care too much”, “I’m a workaholic”, etc).
Instead, I ask “What are you most often criticized for”. I want to see if the candidate has the ability to self-identify their own faults and shortcomings. No place for egomaniacs who think they’re perfect.
Not a bit surprised. HR is where they bury all of the Affirmative Action hires.
If some dunce asks what kind of animal I’d like to be the interview ends immediately.
3. What’s your greatest weakness?
Me: (deadpan) Kryptonite.
“Where do you see yourself in five years?”
At your desk.
These are actually pretty good, thanks! I saw it on LinkedIn, but figured it was fluff and didn’t click on the linky.
This lady comes off as incredibly full of herself. I wouldn’t take her advice.
Especially telling someone you want to hire you that you are planning to get an MBA and you can’t say what you will want after that.
I hear that as “Please pay me as I am biding my time to jump out of here once I get my new degree.”
Stupidest question I ever got was from some consultant the company pulled in to interview me. To set the stage, I had been re-organized out of an 18 year job. This dolt looks at me with a straight face and said “We all know that life is a series of points. For instance, the big life changes like death of a spouse, divorce or loss of a job is 100 points. How did you fell when you lost your job.”
Having decided right then that I wasn’t interested in working for them after doctor nutcase wanted to psychoanalyze me I said “well, if you must know, I wasn’t suicidal. I went home and put a new roof on my garage. Then I went camping, and just for kicks, I stayed an extra couple days in the woods.”
I had an interview once where the guy asked me essentially the question about my greatest weakness. I looked at him and said .. “Pick up your phone and call my wife, she can tell you a lot better answer than I can”....I did not get the job...haha
At one interview they told me “OK there is no right or wrong answers to these next questions” and then asked “if you could be any kind of animal, what would you be?”
I paused looked down and the floor and said “seriously?” And they all started laughing and one goes “That IS The right answer!”
HR is pretty much there only to make sure whatever state and federal laws that are applicable to the company's hires and fires are followed and to ensure the dreaded "diversity" requirements are met.
I've been a hiring manager and the worst part of the job was the pressure HR would put on us to hire their "diversity candidates." I was literally told once I *had* to hire a black girl for an open role because she met two diversity requirements. I refused because she didn't have the qualifications we needed.
The whole incident turned into a big pissing match which resulted in our HR department refusing to further recruit for the role I had open. So I did my own recruiting which was a pain in the ass, but found someone who was qualified in less than 2 weeks. Our HR department spent more than two months prior to that "looking for the right candidate."
When our CEO found out what happened, he fired the entire HR department.
Guess who won that pissing match.
bkmk
:: 1. If you were an animal, what kind of animal would you be? ::
I’m sorry, I thought this interview was for a properly educated human being. Since you are looking for an animal, I’ll stop wasting your time. Bye.
Probable honest answer you will never hear: "We want a cheap H1B, but we have to make the pretense of interviewing a number of Americans so we can document that we were unsuccessful in finding a qualified non-H1B applicant".
"The kind of animal that embezzles company funds, and who is a serial sexual harasser."
Why aren’t manholes round?
I recently got a job and one of the questions on the app was, Would having a manager at your side make you work harder or not? or something to that affect.
I replied that that would depend more on the manager then me. If he wanted me to entertain him, go get his laundry, or tell me stories about his terrible home life, or get his lunch I am afraid he would be in for a shock, I do none of those things. I told I have never done those things and I don’t plan to in the future.
I will tell a short story about a manager I once had who was a total control freak. He would send salesman to get lunch for himself and other managers. One day was my lucky day. I said sure write down all the things you want and I will be happy to get them.
He wrote down his list handed me money and the list. I got everything on the list and handed back the change and his purchases. Soon he came to me and asked me where the forks and spoons and knives and salt and pepper and butter and sour cream were. I said was it on your list? He said no. I said then I guess that is why you didn’t get them. I told you to write down everything you needed and since it wasn’t on the list I figured you already had them.
I was never asked to go after lunch again.
It’s a game. I only ever went off the rails once, and it was when I saw my next boss starting to roll his eyes at some of the HR questions. They asked me the classic, “Do you consider yourself a People Person?” I snarled, “No, I’m a System Administrator! I HATE my users and I want them to suffer!” Jaws dropped until the boss snorted and then started to laugh hysterically. I’m still in that job.