"FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!" - Mother Nature
Posted on 01/10/2014 5:46:05 AM PST by Lucky9teen
"It was so cold, the 49ers coach got a concussion when he was hit with a block of Gatorade." — Conan O'Brien
"It's so cold that in Georgia, Honey Boo Boo actually wore shoes. In Maine, lobsters were throwing themselves into boiling pots. In Chicago, people were wearing deep-dish pizzas on their feet." — Craig Ferguson
"With the wind chill it got down to 63 below zero in parts of Montana. At that temperature, if you remove your hat your thoughts will actually freeze inside your brain." — Jimmy Kimmel
"A #PolarVortex sounds like something Mr. Freeze would use to destroy Gotham City... or a new flavor of Powerade." — Jimmy Kimmel
As a newsman, I want to salute whoever came up with the term 'polar vortex....it is terrifying but still sounds all science-y. A lesser meteorologist could have overreached with 'arctic coldnado' or 'alaskan dick punch,' but 'polar vortex' is restrained but menacing. ~ Stephen Colbert
It’s so cold that doctors are telling people to avoid drinking alcohol if they go outside because it can lead to frostbite. Then parents who've been stuck inside with their kids for three days were like, “It's worth the risk.” ~ Fallon
It's as cold as... "A brass toilet in an outhouse in Alaska!"
— WABC New York viewer Jenny Tozzi
"So cold, I saw Superman in a cab."
— ABC7 Chicago viewer Phil Gayden
"Today's forecast is 'holy crap I can't feel my freaking face' degrees."
— ABC7 Chicago viewer Gaby Robles
"The devil got under my covers and told me to keep him warm cuz hell had frozen over."
— ABC7 Chicago viewer Ivan Ibarra
"Good tanning weather! *insert sarcasm here*"
— ABC7 Chicago viewer Janina Rocio Sandoval
"It's so cold I just saw a teenager with their pants pulled up!"
— ABC11 viewer Stan Donna Smith
"It's so cold that tomorrow is canceled."
— ABC11 viewer Bryan Lassiter
"It's so cold that I saw two beagles with jumper cables trying to get a rabbit started."
— ABC11 viewer Don Currie
"The morning weather map for the eastern half of the U.S. looked like an algebra worksheet — lots of small, negative numbers."
— AP reporter Ray Henry
And since we're all stuck inside, here are some that never get old:
It's so cold that...
"...hitchhikers are holding up pictures of thumbs."
"...the optician is giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses."
"...pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm."
"...I chipped a tooth on my soup!"
"...if you want to hear what someone is saying, you have to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire."
Sorry, left a cliffhanger on this one... Here’s the whole joke again:
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.”The shepherd thinks it over. It’s a big flock, so he takes the bet.The man looks around and answers, “869.” The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.The shepherd says, “Okay, I’m a man of my word, take an animal.” The man picks one up and begins to walk away.”Wait,” cries the shepherd, “let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.” The man agrees.”You are an accountant for the government,” says the shepherd.”Amazing!” responds the man. “You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?””Well,” says the shepherd, “put down my dog and I will tell you.”
Jeez, the NSA is really watching me...
I’ve always loved that one too. I was talking about it with one of my sisters and we decided that it could very well have come from our own family back in the 60’s. :)
Oh my gosh, that’ll be a birthday to remember. He was covering the little kid’s mouth too... presumably to keep him from firing a loogie on the cake when he tried to help blow it out. :)
Spectacular! Thanks, upchuck.
Gads! I hope someone dumped ice water on his head. That’s a good way to cook your brains.
Hair is hard to put out, especially with an accelerant on it.
i made those at a Standard Meat Plant in Lampasas Texas
The Egg Yellows and Whites showed up in 55 gallon drums we put the yellows in small skinny bags froze them then stripped the bag off then hung the yellow in a bunch of ligquid whites and refroze them...
mmm mmm mmm
Pizza Hut and Mr Gatti’s used them
Didn’t you cook them? I always thought those were formed with hot extruders....
yeah they were boiled in the bag the Blast frozen sorry I left that part out...
Kinda important huh...sal men el a ~~~ lol
Sal Monella. Used to play third base for the Braves.
Hmmm...
Halostatue used to be my screenname on FR.
‘Til I got kicked off. For what, no one has ever told me.
C
Dancing Queen
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=268226726661865
That Joke is from Jethro in the Beverly Hillbillies
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