What It Means to Have a Pixie Cut When You’re Not Famous

New York Magazine ^ | CHERYL WISCHHOVER

[nickcarraway]

By now you've probably heard: Short haircuts are happening. Everywhere. From the September Vogue Paris cover, to Coco Rocha's Instagram in real time, to Rihanna, who went short a few weeks ago. And if there are other life forms out there in the universe, I’m sure even they have heard about Beyoncé’s pixie cut, polled their colonies for their citizens’ opinions, and put forth multiple theories about why she did it.

But as a short-haired woman for the past two years, I’ve been watching the pixie hysteria unfold with some level of bemusement. I was never that comfortable with long hair on myself. The longest I’ve had it is to my shoulders, and the bob is sort of my sweet spot. But in the early nineties, I was really into Depeche Mode and wanted to date someone with Martin Gore hair. I was not attracted to Gore himself — too asexual. But I loved his hair and I finally decided that if I couldn’t date his hair, then I would have his hair. This led to years of various bowl cuts, mousse experiments, and sometimes tears. But it’s still the ideal to which I aspire. In the meantime, if you're considering chopping all of your hair off, I'd like to share a few things I've learned:

It’s Not Sexy and Men Hate It After Bey cut her hair, I got a press release from the appalling dating site WhatsYourPrice.com, wherein people bid to go on dates with you and you get to keep the money. Men there bid about 40 percent less on women with hair above their shoulders than on women with hair below their shoulders. Now, I actually take that as a compliment, because I’d definitely rather have a man who knows the value of a dollar and doesn’t squander it all on long-haired bimbos. (I kid! It’s not your fault, my long-tressed sisters, that your hair makes men want to have babies with you.)

My husband met me when I had short hair and claims to like it. I’ll just have to take him at his word. I’m pretty sure Linda Evangelista, another nineties hair idol of mine who frequently chopped her hair, never had any problem getting a man into her bed. Miley Cyrus was recently No. 1 on the Maxim hot list, an honor rarely bestowed on ladies without classic bombshell hair, which Miley pointed out.

Dumb People Will Probably Assume You Are a Lesbian Because, Ellen. Someone recently told me that I look like Ellen, actually. (If only I could get my tousle as perfect as hers.) My college-age nephews used to call me Uncle Cheryl as a joke when I first cut my hair. Ah, Midwestern 19-year-old humor!

Or That You Are Going Through a Life Phase of Some Sort By the fall, I’m quite certain colleges will be offering psychology courses about Beyoncé’s cut, which you can only take after you pass Michelle Obama’s Bangs 101 and Lady Gaga's Beauty Bi-polarism 201. Stylist and author Lauren Rothman told the the Washington Post, “It’s the end of the Mrs. Carter Tour and she’s really getting into motherhood and the throes of her 30s, or it could be the expression of a significant life change we may not know about.” I actually sort of buy this explanation. Women make changes to their appearance when change occurs in their lives or when they think they need something different. (Or, you know, when they get their weave stuck in a fan.) Hence the dreaded “breakup bangs” phenomenon. And remember how Emma Watson cut her hair after Harry Potter was over to make a statement of emancipation? Michelle Williams, my own personal short hair hero, is growing hers out, and it might be because she’s finally ready to move on from Heath Ledger, who supposedly loved her with short hair.

Finally, People Think You’re Really Brave to Go That Short Buzzfeed published a list of things you should never say to a woman with short hair, and they all involve some sort of backhanded compliment. I’ve heard every single one of them, and I noticed this happening with people’s reactions to Beyoncé’s cut, too. They wrote things like “Beyoncé could walk around with bird droppings on her head and she’d look hot!” The implicit message being that the cut is the equivalent of guano?

I like having short hair. The fact that celebs are embracing the cut is a bit of a double-edged sword, though. For a while I heard, "Oh, you have the Miley!" (Is that a compliment? Unclear.) But maybe it will make it less scary for other, non-celebrity women to try. The cut is a real confidence builder, because you don't have any hair to hide behind. It's just your cheekbones against the world.

Do I sometimes wish I could just wake up one morning with long hair and avoid the painful growing-out process? Yes. Mostly because I want to try one of those Game of Thrones Khaleesi braid tutorials.

[Tax-chick]

I once told Jamie-my-hairdresser that I wanted to look like Judi Dench as “M” in the James Bond movies ... and she said, “Who?” Too young to know ...

[Nea Wood]

I’m your age and I’m the same way. My mother always hacked off my hair and made me wear these ridiculous little Mamie Eisenhower bangs. She didn’t understand that long straight hair was in and looking like the ‘40s or ‘50s was HER era, not mine. As soon as I was old enough to do what I wanted, I grew my hair long and it’s been long ever since.

[kabumpo]

Age nineteen is not any woman’s prime.

[Army Air Corps]

I guess I’m old fashioned
Nothing wrong with that. On behalf of us gents who prefer long hair, thank you.

[goat granny]

the trick with short hair is the beautition that knows how to do it to fit your face. Not every hair cut is done well....

[patriot08]

Thank YOU.

[GOP Poet]

Boy do I hear THAT! Congrats on getting that length. I understand what it took for you to get there.

Yeah I left that "older woman look good in short hair" behind me too and it has made me look ten to fifteen years (if not more) younger (I also keep fit and keep my weight down by eating very healthy. I say this as I think it really helps).

In fact the other day I showed a picture of myself to my girlfriends that didn't know me way back when :). The picture was taken 11 years ago. I heard them take in a breath. I said, "Yeah I know I look a lot younger there." They in unison said, "No. You actually look a lot younger now." I was shocked. We himmed and haaed a bit about what it was and the oldest in the crowd said, "It's your hair."

Also I have seen some beautiful pictures of women in their seventies and older with long gray hair and honestly I think it is lovely. I think it is whatever it is that makes us feel feminine is what we should do as it exudes out of us :).

[Mama Shawna]

HAHAHAHAHA! Crazy cream....priceless! HAHAHAHAHA! That just made my day! Have a great evening! Thanks again for the info!

[GOP Poet]

Great tips. Thank you for that :). Impressive (and smart) about you cutting yourself. I have heard this about curly hair as well. To the rest of us it is super sexy though :).

A lot of woman are getting brazillian blowouts now with the curly hair and the hubbies may like it once but then they say, "What happened to your curly hair. I like it!!" and demand the woman quit the blowouts. Haha. I love it. It just goes to show they love us for us :-D.

I'm not a curly girl but I do admire women who have such lovely curls (even tho as you said it is harder to manage. Sounds like you're doing a wonderful job though. Take Care :)

[GOP Poet]

Lovely. She looks AMAZING in that cut! I am sure you do as well. I can see your point and so understandable. Your hair sounds gorgeous and simple. I bet you look fantastic the color combo sounds really pretty. :-D.

[rlmorel]

That’s wonderful! Neither my wife nor I have the physical attractiveness we once had (or at least thought we had) but when I see her, I see more of her than what the light is illuminating...:)

And I can tell it is the same for when she looks at me.

You can’t get any better than that.

[rlmorel]

Hear, hear! But I will say, my heart did not beat faster first when I saw her.

That honor goes to Raquel Welch in “Fantastic Voyage”. Now, when I saw her in “Fantastic Voyage” wearing that skintight white neoprene suit, I was still at the stage in my life when I was just starting to look at girls and think they might not really be the enemy...

When those guys all started pulling the antibodies off of Raquel Welch, my clothes started feeling kind of tight!

There was a funny story I heard about that scene. Apparently, when the time came to shoot that scene, the director said “ACTION!” and the guys all began pulling the antibodies off of her. after a few seconds, he yelled “CUT!” All the guys looked up in surprise and when one of them asked what was wrong, he pointed at Raquel who had all the antibodies removed from everywhere except on her boobs and her crotch. The director, pointing at her said “She looks like a damn burlesque dancer there!” Nobody had wanted to be, er...”ungentlemanly”, so they all avoided those parts.

When they shot it again, they all went straight for her boobs and crotch at the same time as the director yelled “CUT! CUT!” Then he said to one guy “You remove them from here!” as he pointed to each of them and assigned an area for them to remove antibodies from!

[rlmorel]

Agh! Agh! Jane Seymour! ROTFLMAO!

I had never seen “East of Eden”, and my wife and I rented it the other night...I was cringing...so beautiful, so unbelievably beautiful, but what an EVIL creature!

Hahahaha....my wife said “I thought you might like this...”

Man. THAT is one babe (Though thoroughly EVIL in that movie, so far, at least!)

[rlmorel]

Hahahahahahahaha! That almost made me spit out my drink!

I hired a young guy at work, and was explaining to him that I had just re-watched “West World” again. He said “West, what?” and I said “West World. You know, the futuristic movie about a dystopian adult amusement park...”

Said he: “Huh. Never heard of it.”

I said: “Come on...you know the killer gunslinger robot played by Yul Brenner...”

He looked at me blankly and said “Yool who?”

Hear that sound? That was the sound of liver spots breaking out all over my body. Now, I really DID feel old!

[bobby.223]

Great picture of MM!!!

[a fool in paradise]

Timbuck 3 - Hairstyles and Attitudes

Hairstyles and attitudes -- are they connected?
Are the styles we embrace a matter of taste, or of values rejected?
Hairstyles and attitudes -- how do they relate?
How well do we use our freedom to choose the illusions we create?
Blow dried, bouffant, basic training
Cops in drag dressed up like whores
Cowboys in pony tails, bankers in bangs,
Presidents in pompous pompadours
Mommas in mohawks, daddies in dreadlocks,
Heavy metal goldilocks trying to look tough
The wet look, the dry look, the FBI look
But can you judge a crook by his coverup?
Hairstyles and attitudes -- are they connected?
Are the styles we embrace a matter of taste, or of values rejected?
Hairstyles and attitudes -- how do they relate?
How well do we use the freedom to choose the illusions we create?
Razor cut, laser cut, chop-in-channel
Curled up, slicked back, hanging in the eyes
Parted left, parted right, straight down the middle
Scientists say your hair never lies
I've done lots of research
It may be just hype, but the latest findings cause me to tremble
Categorize us into three basic types:
According to which of the three stooges you most closely resemble

[a fool in paradise]

Is there a Kojak convention around here? Or are they planning to film The Sinead O'Conner Story?

[PeteePie]

Judy = nothing wrong that longer hair wouldn't fix. Goldie = Acceptable, her mane is thicker so it reflects more femininity. Here's the quintessential example of good vs. not-so-good: I always thought Bat girl was hotter, even with the mask, than Barbara Gordon.

It's the hair, I'm telling ya!

[Lizavetta]

Well, the problem is she is not being called “hot” based on popular demand from the readers, she is being called “hot” because marketing people want to make people think she is “hot”.

Also known as the Sarah Jessica Parker Syndrome.

[utahagen]

Most women are not in their primes at at age nineteen, but I believe the most beautiful women do peak early. For example, compare photos of Brooke Shields at age 17 versus age 25; the bloom was off the rose early with her.